Tyger

The Swap Queens Are Making It Happen

2011-11-22T11:42:00.000-08:00

Hello people,

Doing great? having fun? making the money?

Not hanging around for long today... just passing by and letting you know that its happening over at the FabXchange website.

These ladies have made their swapping events available online! Now you dont know to leave your home to declutter your wardrobe or get a new dress for an upcoming event. This is a fashionista's dream come true.

Just pop over to the FabXchange website and swap the stuff you dont want for something you do want and love... and even if you dont have anything to swap, they let you ask for stuff! *dont be greedy now...

The FabXchange Online Swap is new but I'm already excited cos I'm sure its going to be totally fabulous.

Okay ladies... I'm off to declutter my wardrobe!

A Cynical Rant

2011-10-20T06:36:00.000-07:00

These days I think a fake “holiness” abounds around me and people are just taking it too far... infact they are taking the mickey!

I used to be a very cynical person, not a pessimist mind you; just cynical... just not that trusting and somewhat “brutally” honest. I was considered a bit too cynical for my age by a lot of people but I worked on it and got better; between 2008 and 2010 I was sure I had it right... but now I think I have lost it again.

The very cynical thing inside me is awake and very angry at all the piss taking... and just to tell you how cynical I am...

I don’t believe a lot of the things people tell me

I don’t trust 50% of the people I know

I an indifferent to 90% of them

I think you are worse than you make out and so will make allowances for you accordingly

I am fine believing you like me less than you act or think, you are not obliged to

I am not optimistic about most things

Overly cheerfulness pisses me off and

Overly ‘religiousness’ pisses me off even more

God is not on twitter, so I don’t appreciate twitter worship...infact I hate it

If you send me a “devotional” in my inbox – that, I appreciate and get, you want to minister to me

If you tweet your worship - I think you are silly!

If you tweet a word of encouragement to Christians or you put it up on facebook - that I also get, you are encouraging your brethren

If you tweet things like - God doesn’t need your Toyota to make you total - I hate you! cos that shit you wrote is not even biblical, its rhyming and it’s a creation of PR chasing Pentecostal pastors

As a rule - I distrust all Pentecostal Pastors.

If you are a pastor who has never served in a village or worked on a mission field - YINMU at you! Please don’t talk to me; you are here for the money!

I don’t think you should read your bible at work! No I don’t and if I am your boss and you do it, I will get you fired! You are not the only one with convictions here!

I rant at God sometimes, and sometimes I whisper to Him...I cajole him...I ask rhetorical questions...then I wonder at him...then I check on him... I knock and say “are you still there?”

Sometimes I am accusing - I know you are there; your silence doesn’t even fool me... This is all between me and God... so don’t preach at me about what I choose to discuss with Him...

I am very cynical now and you might want to take note when you send out those funny messages or you say those funny things to me....don’t take offense cos I don’t believe you or shout Amen.

419 Reasons to Like Nigerians

2011-10-01T07:41:00.000-07:00

Happy Independence Day to Nigeria!
Excepts from the 419 reasons to like Nigeria Project by The419positive Project - I heart my country!

419 Reasons to Like Nigeria

For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime and impersonation - termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, Nigeria and its people, some of which are highlighted below as part of the ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ campaign which enlisted 100 volunteers and bloggers to share reasons why they like Nigeria. These reasons echo the voices of Nigerians, with resonating similar themes. The campaign is being facilitated in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.

The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here (www.419Positive.org)

The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here

If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please do so here.

NIGERIA - THE LAND OF POTENTIAL AND OPPORTUNITY

v I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country I believe the world is yet to experience it true potentials. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Giving the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.

v Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for a great investment opportunities.

v The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.

NIGERIA - THE COUNTRY

v The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green color symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, tri-sected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.

v The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.

v Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.

NIGERIA - THE CULTURE, THE FOOD, THE WAY OF LIFE

v Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.

v I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.

v Nigerians live a communal life style. The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.

NIGERIA - THE MUSIC, THE MOVIES, THE DANCE, THE ART

v Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.

v Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.

v Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years

18 Reasons to love Nigerians

2011-09-15T04:49:00.000-07:00

This blogpost is borne of the "419 reasons to like Nigerians" presently being carried out by the "The419PositiveProject"

Having been invited to contribute to this initiative I found that there are so many reasons to love Nigerians; so many many reasons I do think we are some of the most lovable (and unique) people in the world - and so here's my attempt at telling you why

1. Family is everything – both our nuclear and extended families mean the world to us and our list of cousins, uncles and aunties are endless!

2. We love our hustle – we get educated, get jobs or get a business going on – we always have something going on

3. Our women are born fashionistas – it just comes to us naturally... we might spend 3 hours in front of the mirror for a date but its ALWAYS worth it!

4. We are fun loving – Friday nights are for hanging out and Saturdays are for parties and that’s the way it is

5. We got religion and we make it work – no matter how much trouble we got, we aint confused about God

6. We are hopeful and optimistic– no matter how down and dirty it gets, we always hold out hope “we go be alright” “we go hammer” “it is well” are some of our favourite phrases

7. No matter how long we have lived abroad, we are always proud of where we are from, our culture our traditions

8. We love our country with a patriotism that is amazing – it’s a case of we can talk “crap about Nigeria” but if you are not Nigerian, don’t you dare join us!

9. We allow ourselves to be westernised without letting go of our roots – we are an amazing mix of Africa and the West

10. There is nothing as beautiful as a dark skinned brother in a traditional outfit (Guinea brocade, lace, woodin etc)

11. When we have the money, we know how to LIVE large and when there is no money we still know how to LOOK large without breaking the bank

12. Our girls are the perfect mix of akata accent, academic smarts, cafeteria cooking skills and sex on heels.

13. We are natural born lovers – I don’t know about 'if you go black you don’t go back', but I do know 'if you go Nigerian, nothing compares to it for you again'!

14. We are the least suicidal people in the world and also the happiest – our hope, our hustle, our faith, our love.... all come together to just keep us going

15. We know that our children are our future, as a family, as a people and as a nation and the average Nigerian parent will give any and everything to give their kids the best of life – we don’t need a welfare system to teach us that

16. We are grateful for everything – we don’t take life, health, anything for granted – which perhaps is why we are so happy

17. We are friendly – na overfriendly dey worry us - this is one country where strangers talk to you in buses, give you directions, offer help in outrageous situations and if you want to see us in action, set your car on fire – we are all fire fighters!

18. Finally - We have swag!we just do!

Make friends with a Nigerian today - we rock!

If you have more reasons - please respond with them

I heart Nigerians!

Your friends are few

2011-09-06T04:00:00.000-07:00

A harsh truth I have been forced to learn in the short time I have been on this earth is that my friends are few... very few and it will do me good to remember.

A preacher once said at a program - go through life making as many friends as possible and as few enemies as possible.

Unfortunately I disagree with this preacher who is simply saying go through life as a people pleaser. To do this, you will pick every phone call, say yes to every favour, listen to every whine and rant, run yourself ragged to please people to make friends... you might have 1000 facebook friends, and 2000 twitter followers; but it doesn’t mean you have 3000 friends or even 1000 friends; your friends are few whether you know it or not.

If you think you have very few enemies, you are either far away from success or very deluded... infact you are merely deluded, because even if you are far away from success, you might not have a lot of enemies but your friends are still few... very few, simply because you are not successful. What do you have to offer in your lack of success? You are a potential burden, you are likely to ask for help... a lot.... and for these reasons, your friends will be few.

So you are someone who never says no to people, you are here to help! What are friends for? Yes, you will have a lot of "seeming" friends who in truth are using you, you have been marked as the “go-to” guy, the friend who will always say yes... no they are not your friends, they are your handlers and you are the mark; you will loan out or give away money, clothes, your car, your home, your CV, your time, any and everything...and they know this.

Perhaps you are someone who goes through life eyes wide open, who refuses to be used and is focused, with a plan and a destination, people will hate you for the simple fact that you are practical and true to who you are, for refusing to be used, for knowing what you want and remaining focused... refusing to be derailed. It means you will say no to those who want to come and live in your house for 6 months with their 3 children, you will say no to people who want to use your credit card for their business; it means you will say no to that huge loan that will obviously not be repaid... and for this you will be well disliked and your friends will be few.

If you are successful or on a clear path to success in some form or the other, your friends will be few and your enemies many; your so-called friends will quietly dislike you for trying to be successful or being successful. Don’t worry they will still be the first to click “like” on all your facebook pictures and to say “you look fantastic” on that picture where you have spinach between your teeth... but they will hate your guts and root for you to fall down on your face – in their heads they are saying “arrogant idiot! Is he (she) the only one? let him (her) even fall down on his (her) face, so he (she) can know what it feels like” – like you have never fallen down before... but they have forgotten... what is key now is that you are successful and or happy and that is not okay so your friends are few... very few.

This post of mine might sound brutal and cynical... even a little paranoid but in my opinion it is a truth I have been forced to learn and your nice comments and friendly follows don’t fool me.

You can choose to go through life pleasing the world, granting favours that will break your back, cost you your job or your home or your marriage or your peace of mind – it is your choice.

But keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how nice you are or how fantastic you are, your real friends will always be few and it will do you good to remember it.

If you don’t succeed - your friends will be few because you are not a success. If you do succeed - your friends will be few because you are so successful, either way - your friends will be few - even the great Julius Caesar had a Brutus close by.

Some things that make my colleague angry

2011-06-06T03:40:00.000-07:00

A colleague of mine made a list of things that really make him angry and I found the list rather interesting... so I am putting it up for folks who still come here once in a while to read and find amusing like I found it amusing.. the ones in red annoy him the most!

Virgin broadband - They wont let him download several terabytes a month
His landlord - He wont unblock his drain
Honey roast ham from Marks and Spencers - Its not as good as tescos, and he should be able to try before he buys
Banks and monetary system
Pension schemes -"I shouldn't have to think about this at my age"
People that dont work and making money from interest - Ie rich landlords
People that dont know the difference between a set and a list
The air conditioning vents behind him - they are too cold, and he will catch something.
PES2011 - "Why did they mess up this game"
Capitalism (sort of covered by Banks and Monetary System && rich landlords but still needs saying)
People that should be destroyed (can't really go further than this)
Anyone announcing Franks sandwich apart from Frank
The bat, the table tennis ball and the table tennis table
Dinosaurs & reptiles -"They are for losers"
Pint Glasses from the kitchen - "Why do they smell of egg?"
Intellectual property - "Just because you have an idea, implement and patent/copyright it, does not make it yours"
Social Housing - "Why doesnt the government provide cheap housing that will be yours if you live in it for 30 years (Non profit housing)
Government Spending - "Why does the government spend money on wars in Afghanistan when they can't do social housing. Turkey is a poor 3rd world country and it has better housing than UK"
Recycling - "It's for losers. Why recycle - so human race can f**k planet earth a little longer"

A letter to the Affluent Nigerian Parent - Part 2

2011-05-01T05:44:00.000-07:00

Please see part 1 here

Thirdly, the influence of good money management skills on future survival or success is poorly emphasized with the affluent middle class once again failing in this regard. The lower class and their biscuit hawking children are doing much better; because God help that child who comes home with a messy account of biscuit or poff-poff sold. But the upper middle class parent gives lavish allowances to children who already have too many toys and gadgets in a bid to give these children a better life.

I began to learn money management lessons from my dad from the age of 10 when I began to receive a weekly allowance – which I was required to account for in detail at the end of every week. This built in me very strong money management skills, teaching me to have practical justifications for expenses before making them, to keep track of my spending and most importantly to save. My dad rewarded my savings by doubling every kobo I saved at the end of the term.

Am I celebrating poverty? No, I am however saying that in giving their children a better life, the affluent Nigerian parent is coddling the child to death. You might be thinking “oh I am not affluent I am only giving my child a more comfortable life and so this does not apply to me”. If there is no lesson to be learnt in the comfortable life your child is living it is too much comfort. If your child has no responsibility at all and his/her only responsibility is to “pass school exams” that child is already too comfortable.

I am not an advocate of all teenagers in Nigeria going out to work after secondary school. Why? because the economic and socio-cultural environment in Nigeria makes little allowance for this nor does it provide the right support. Presently there are more graduates than jobs in Nigeria probably 10 times as much and the jobs that would have expectedly gone to secondary school leavers looking for work experience is presently being struggled over by fresh graduates, school term internship students and OND school leavers who have to work for a year before going for their HND.
So what should the Nigerian secondary school leaver do? I say the Nigerian secondary school leaver should learn a trade in between secondary school and University.

Like I stressed at the beginning of this letter – it’s all about survival, and succeeding in a competitive world and you never know what will come in handy; which is why you should equip your child as much as you can, help your child build the strength and capabilities to win.

So learn a trade – sewing, barbing, shoe making, jewellery making, painting (art & interiors), tie and dye, hairdressing, professional baking, professional catering – let your child learn something that the child can fall back on. In addition to providing an alternative means of income, it proves to an employer that your child is “up and doing”, creative, having diverse skills, and most importantly your child is teachable.

You may wish to imitate the Affluent parents of the Western world, and send your child on a gap year to find himself/herself, but gap years are known to have their downsides. Gap years that are not spent working/volunteering have been known to be a year of trying drugs, indiscriminate sex and what not... so think well on that one.

The ability to follow through, ingeniousity, creativity, a clear mind, tenacity and sheer determination are skills your children can pick up and hone if you cocoon them a bit less. Life, being the jungle that it is, rewards the ingenious... the ones who make lemonades when lemons are thrown at them.

There is nothing wrong with giving your child opportunities, every success story had the right opportunity but still you don’t have to run around putting in a good word everywhere and pulling strings at every opportunity. Your child is like a caterpillar that needs to fight its way out of its cocoon in order to build strength in its wings and fly.

Household chores started must be finished, projects begun must be completed, please have rules and stick with them and your children will learn to follow through, being a “finisher” is a strong skill; many have failed merely for an inability to finish what they started. Allow them to fill out their own application forms (even if you have to supervise or correct it) but let them do it! Your secretary shouldn’t do their home works or draft their CVs for them.

The importance of working right should be stressed not necessarily endless hard labour; but more of working to achieve results and finding satisfaction in achieving results.

For the few who own their own firms/companies which you hope to hand over to your son or daughter, please don’t bring your children into your firm at the head of the food chain, they will never learn the basics and they will not have the respect of the staff you want to leave them with.

Sometimes it seems that many affluent parents are trying to compensate for their absence from their children’s lives, to express their love in a multitude of gifts and large allowances. A lot of these parents having lacked these things in their own growing up years seem to believe it is exactly what their children need; forgetting that it is the very lack they had that pushed them to achieve, to be the best, to seek success tenaciously.

If you are one of these love buying, affection seeking parents then I will like to inform you that a lot of well proven studies have shown that the children of the affluent are generally more cruel to their own parents and less understanding as compared to the children of the poor who watch their parents slave and strive to provide i.e. your bribery is not as appreciated as you think and a “tough love” parent is respected in future more than a cuckolding one.

Finally, integrity and a good name are two things every parent must teach their child. It is easy for the Nigerian child of today to be disillusioned and discard these values because every situation in the country screams that stealing, lying, cheating and doing everything to have money is all that counts.

My father insisted that I learn a quote as a child and this quote never left me, I will pass it on to you now and to your children.
"He who steals my purse, steals trash, it is neither his nor mine; but he who robs me of my good name robs me of that which enriches him not but makes me poor indeed”.

Good day to you

A letter to the Affluent Nigerian Parent - Part 1

2011-04-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

To those who visit regularly in the hope that I have written a post, I apologise for my absence. This post is not a sign that I am back... lets take it a day at a time... here goes.

I saw a piece on Aloted's blog and it was addressed to Nigerian parents. I considered the piece rather flawed in its expression of its points and it motivated me to write my take on the issue of parenting in Nigeria.

Enjoy

Dear Affluent Nigerian Parent,

The world is a global village and you must always remember that. The internet has come and put the whole world next door. Contrary to your experience and beliefs, a University education (even in a professional course like Medicine, Law, Accounting and Pharmacy) is no longer adequate leverage in a competitive world. If you are monied, it will help but it will not always provide the perfect leverage for survival or success.

Your child needs more to survive, to succeed: language skills, self discipline, money management skills, a strong ability to follow through, ingeniousity and creativity, a clear mind, tenacity and sheer determination to work hard and give 100%. These skills are vital, they are relevant and a Nigerian child with these abilities will do better, go far and excel amongst his/her peers from the 194 other countries of the world.

It’s surprising how little emphasis is paid by Nigerian parents to what is not in their immediate sphere, there is much competition, much striving to give their children all advantages but only in the immediate sphere; which is why the average Nigerian child today still speaks only one major language and is discouraged from even speaking a local language; even in the upper middle class homes where the means to pay for language lessons exists. It errs me when I hear highly educated Nigerian parents RESIDENT in Nigeria say that their children cannot speak any local language!

Speaking atleast one local language brings no negative to your children... only positives... not least of which is the ability to think in different languages and sharpen their minds from an early age.
English is not the only language your child should speak, if you have the means, avail them of the opportunity to learn other languages; because they will be competing with those who can do business/operate in more than one language.
I am a fan of the arts; but expensive piano/ballet lessons are a waste on a child who has no musical flair while language lessons started at an early age are never a waste or a pain as children find it easier to learn multiple languages and it will always stand your child in good stead.

Secondly, a little affluence in many homes has led to the total discard of self discipline and the children of food sellers, mechanics, tailors and low level civil servants in Nigeria today have more self discipline than the children of CEOs and Senior Managers. Why? because there is no maid to fetch for them, because they have learnt to wash their own clothes even when they are tired, to clean up after themselves, to rise early and get a lot of things done even before school in the morning. However the upper middle class parent can afford maids who lay out uniforms, run baths, lay beds and get the 13 year ready for school – how can this child learn self discipline if he or she cannot lay his or her own bed? Or wash his or her school uniforms? Every child from the age of 9 should have some household chores no matter how small. Institute time tables at home and ensure your children follow them. Reward good behaviour, punish misdemeanour.

- As I am not a fan of "too long posts" I will stop here - watch out for Part 2!

Another Swap Party is Happening in London!

2011-01-14T08:38:00.000-08:00

The organisers of The Wardrobe Swap Party are back again with another amazing event... and I hear its going to be fabulous again... bigger, better and more fun! So I'm posting their invite here for y'all to see so you can be a part of this event!

THE WARDROBE SWAP PARTY - INVITE TO THE LADIES

Beat the VAT Increase and get swapping at our “VATFree Edition” of the SWAP PARTY

What they do: An afternoon of cloth swapping and fashion/wardrobe advice

Date: Saturday, 19th February 2011

Time: (5p.m-9p.m) Doors open at 4pm.

Venue: Emerald Suite, the Rock Tower, 49 Tufnell Park Road, N7 0PS London
18+ only, No children/buggies.

To get in: Come with clean outfits you no longer need/wear and SWAP them for fabulous outfits from other ladies. Items with dirt, rips, stains and broken zips would not be accepted.
Books will also be swapped in this edition!

Join us!

Revamp your wardrobe without feeling the pinch of the VAT increase!
Experience an afternoon of excitement, fun, and fashion.
Get rewarded with new stylish clothes and free drinks on the house, just for for cleaning out your wardrobes.

Other attractions include:

A raffle draw to win gifts including:
- FREE copies of the book: The Blessings of Sarah
Free beauty makeover
Beauty and cosmetic products by MaryKay for sale
Gorgeous beads & costume jewellery for sale
Uniquely designed handbags and leather goods for sale
Eyebrow threading services – you can highlight the beauty of your face in 5 minutes!
Organic skin care products for sale
A style desk – where you can get suggestions and ideas on your new swaps

Nearest Tube Station: Tufnell Park Station.
Street parking is limited but free on Saturdays
Please note that the venue has been booked for the time above, so we shall be starting on time.
Entrance fee:

Advance fee:
- £7.50 if you pre-register by midnight February 17. Entitled to 1 raffle ticket on the day
- £20 for VIP tickets includes 2 raffle tickets on the day and 3 minutes head start swapping time. (Must pre-register by midnight October 17).
£10 (cash only) at the door

To pay in advance, visit our blog: http://wasparty.blogspot.com/.
If your questions are not answered in our FAQ, do contact us on thewasparty@gmail.com.

Contribute your part to reducing carbon footprints, be ecofashionable! join the swappers in London.

The Fashion Party to be at this Month

2010-10-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

Having trouble with your wardrobe? Then you need to be at the next WASParty! The eco-friendly fashion event where women get to swap clothes they no longer need or wear with other women.

Date: 23rd October,
Time: 3p.m,
Venue: The Rock Tower, 49 Tufnell Park Road, N7 0PS London

Other attractions include a raffle draw with lots of gifts to be won.

Advanced Gate fee £7.50, Advanced VIP gate fee £20, At the door- £10

For more info and tickets go to www.wasparty.blogspot.com or send an email to: thewasparty@gmail.com

"Get Swapping!"

A Change Maker in Lagos

2010-10-05T05:15:00.000-07:00

A great guy with an insightful idea has started a program in Lagos called Mom's Connect.
Its quite an impressive programme that helps pregnant women and nursing mothers get healthcare information and questions answered by sending a text to a specified number.
What makes this idea amazing is that, pregnant women in villages and small towns (who all have phones, trust me) but dont always have access to a doctor who can answer their questions and dispel pregnancy myths, can through Mom's Connect get all the information they need!

Its a new project and in a conversation with the progenitor, he is still working out the kinks.

Read more about this Change Maker in Nigeria at
Moms+Connect

"Australia's Next Top Model" Host Makes Mistake in Announcing the Winner

2010-09-29T09:25:00.001-07:00

This must have been a curl-your-toes-in-your-shoes, wish-you-were-somewhere-else moment for Sarah Murdoch, the host of "Australia's Next Top Model" when she mistakenly announced the runner up as the winner of the show on live television.

Let me set the stage - there is Kelsey Martinovich in a black and cream shimmering lace gown and Amanda Ware in a power red floor length asymmetric monostrap gown holding hands, waiting for Sarah Murdoch in her black mono-shouder gown to annouce who had won Australia's Next Top Model.

Then Sarah made the ghastly mistake and announced the runner up Kelsey Martinovich as the audience-voted top Model. Kelsey in her one minute of fame, gave her victory speech in an excited joy filled voice and then Sarah went pale. She pressed her finger to her right ear and muttered "Oh my God, I dont know what to say right now, I'm feeling a bit sick about this. No. I'm so sorry about this. Oh my God. I don't know what to say. This was a complete accident. It's Amanda, I'm so sorry. It was fed to me wrong."

In reality, Amanda Ware was... is the winner of Australia's Next Top Model!

It appears Kelsey was initially ahead of Amanda in the votes and this was the information fed to Sarah's earpiece; so when Amanda caught up and won in the votes, the information was not forwarded to Sarah.

The organisers of the show have since compensated Kelsey with a $25,000 cash reward and a trip to New York.

My heart goes out to Kelsey who's victory was only a moment long and to Sarah Murdoch who although handled the situation with poise and professionalism must still have been so embarrassed.

I bet my last penny, someone or a group of people somewhere got fired for this gauffe... sorry muchos.... you should have known better

TheFashionPatrollers - A blog to follow

2010-09-20T03:56:00.000-07:00

This post is to invite you all to follow the fashion blog - thefashionpatrollers.

The most recent post is one the girls are going to love! so do check it out
TheFashionPatrollers: 10 Affordable Going out gowns for You!

Have a lovely week people!

6 months

2010-09-01T16:31:00.001-07:00

I cant believe I have been gone for 6 months.... a 6 months hiatus... back, married and living in marital bliss.... perhaps a few pictures for you guys... of the gown that spoke to me... of my engagement.... after 6 months away, you guys sure deserve to see some pictures...sorry no face shots!

I'll just hold on a bit

2010-03-18T03:45:00.001-07:00

I think I'll hold on to my passport a bit.... just to see the unfolding of this drama that brings sudden hope...

somebody has filled out a "liver rejuvenating form".....

firstly he forms a presidential advisory panel - to draw the "king makers close to himself" then he dissolves the "council of thieves" without prior notice!.... he voids the oil bidding that was meant to give out oil blocks to deserving sons of the shoil and approved contracts for 9 skills acquisition centers in the Niger Delta! .... and then he tops it by throwing that bone at the masses " our votes will count in 2011!" super stuff!

hmmm..... perhaps somebody is not such a pussy after all... Thuraya must be shitting bricks!

I need to stick around and watch this drama unfold... awesome stuff! it reads like a novel by Jeffery Archer.... exciting and saccharine sweet in parts! lol

Setting my passport on fire!

2010-03-10T14:15:00.000-08:00

So our President is back... half dead... and our Vice President either has a hidden agenda that is going to shock us all, win him sudden respect and stabilise the country or he's a complete pussy and just another thief...

The Jos crisis is back again.... and frankly I am shocked, saddened and left with a strong desire to burn my passport and become stateless - that is an individual without a nationality.... cos i no longer get the point... forgive me if i sound unpatriotic...

Some people actually think Babangida is the next best thing...their argument being that he has ruled Nigeria before, has experience and is promising to do better... just for thinking such thoughts i think you should be jailed...your memory is disgustingly short and perpetual slavery of your country men appeals to you.... seriously cant we have someone new? as new as Fashola of Lagos was new and is not doing badly? as new as Gbenga Daniel used to be new and did some good before it all went to his head? as new as someone who has not been President before and is not a member of or an offspring of the existing northern or southern cabal....

what is going on with Mutallab and his secret trial? has he been tried and found guilty? is somebody now ready to confess the boy carried a banger or are we still going with the bomb story...if we are going with the bomb story, can we have an open court trial? what does our Presidency (half dead/pussy) have to say on this issue or is it now buried under the carpet while we deal with more important issues like sharing oil licences and blocks?

yeah our now sick President was in the process of giving out some new oil blocks and oil production licenses to some deserving governors and sons of the "shoil"!... is this what he meant by "due process" when he was been sworn in?

Seriously I tire! what is the worst case scenario if i burn my passport?

This Mobile Phone Business

2010-02-12T04:10:00.000-08:00

Whoever decided the etiquette rules for the use of mobile phones must be a sad, lonely and sadistic son of a bitch! – forgive my French.

So you have a mobile phone and suddenly there is this long list of rules you are supposed to operate your phone by or else you come across as rude, irresponsible, uncaring, insensitive, stingy, nonchalant… the list is endless…. Take this

1. If you see my missed call, you must call me back in 24 hours, 48 hours the latest otherwise I have the right to call you and ask the stupid question “didn’t you see my missed call?”
2. If I send you a text you are supposed to reply…. within 5 minutes… or 10… latest a few hours otherwise – I can call you to say “didn’t you get my text?”
3. by the way, its not a letter I put in the post, it’s a text to your phone and you cant pretend you didn’t get it, you might not know it but I stuck it with a delivery notice… and will happily tell you “but I got a delivery message na” …. I might insist I’m not a stalker… but you know I’m good at this stuff!
4. If I leave you a voicemail…. This is even worse… you are supposed to listen and then either follow the instructions in my voice mail or call me back to say you got my voicemail! Of course you got my voice mail but I still want to hear you say it…. Otherwise I can call you back to say “didn’t you get my voicemail? Yeah you are getting the hang of this already!
5. If I call you once or twice and you don’t pick your phone because you are busy, indisposed, in a train or simply up to more interesting things, I have the right to keep calling…. To keep calling till you have 11 missed calls from me, till I run down your battery…. Till I have irritated the hell out of you….and if you do eventually pick my call or call back – I can self righteously say “I have been trying to reach you now! I called you 11 times!” somebody should say “so?” or “were you dying at the time?” but if you do say that, mobile phone etiquette gives me the right to be very upset, angry and to call you one of those things I have listed above….and then tell everybody about it. This is getting really rich isn’t it?
6. Another one, if I meet you and you are polite, slightly friendly, I can ask for your number, if I do ask for your number, you have to give me! You have already made the mistake of being friendly. Etiquette says so! You can’t say you don’t have a phone, cos I already saw it, someone like me already called you 11 times! And God help you if you say “you don’t want to give me your number!” you have broken the rule and I can view you as stuck up, silly, full of s..t, nasty, unfriendly, outrightly rude…. Name it…. Its my prerogative…. Since you chose to break the rules
7. and now that I have your number, I can call you, text you, voicemail you…. Anything… and you have to apply rules 1 to 5…..seriously! I own you! My mobile phone ensures I relate with you on my terms not yours, at my convenience not yours… I am abusing you, taking advantage of you and there is not much you can do about it….. If you throw away your phone or switch it off for a few days, I and everybody else like me will panic and do worse things like bombard you with emails, facebook messages, twitter messages, hi5 and yes the new one –buzz! We might even call your family just to check if you are fine and if we are family, we will call each other, just to check if anybody has heard from this phone loosing, phone switching off weirdo.
8. Don’t even try to sneak online and offline….cos we will see you and say hello! And you must answer!

The Gown Hunt Part 4

2009-12-27T14:34:00.000-08:00

Firstly... merry Christmas guys! hope you had a smashing time... Christmas for me was largely white and freezing cold... and full of turkey and apple crumble! okay that is not the gist of this post....

This post is in continuation of "The Gown Hunt Part 3" where i ran out of the bridal shop in California and later dreamt of an "ankara wedding gown"...see that post to get the gist

So two days before i left the US.... my friend woke up that morning and came at me with a list... she had spent the night looking for bridal shops... the really big ones... she said "Tyger we must try again" i shrugged and said "okay, lets go, but if we don't find anything its fine".... she replied indignantly that it was not!

so around 9am we set out again.... an hour's drive north of L.A.... to this massive bridal shop....

this time... the bridal consultant talked to me... for say 15 minutes... discussing the wedding and what was been planned... she was getting a feel of this Tyger girl..
then she said lets try a few gowns... and lets see how that goes...

the first gown i tried was by St Pucchi and had a 9000 dollar tag... even though i was screaming in my head... i still went ahead and tried the gown... for a 9000 dollar gown it was not alright at all... imagine a Christmas tree in white... and walking around... it was all bling and lace and damn heavy!

then i tried the second one... and then the third and then the the fourth... on the fourth one... i felt a tug inside me...heard a whisper... i ignored it... and continued... till i had tried six gowns in all...

then i picked two of the six and said i want to try these two again... the fourth one was one of the two... immediately my friend began to grin but wisely didn't say a thing! lol....

i tried this gown again... its diamond white.... not a single stone... not a single diamente... just diamond white.. with a tiny bow under the bust... then i heard it...

"hello princess, look at you! we are gonna knock him for six"

i grinned...

i had just met my gown! in all its splendour... and i felt absolutely gorgeous... its a princess design... flairs from the hips... its NOT a ball gown! thank gracious! neither is it a fitted "i'm 30 but i still got my figure damn it" gown

its a Pronovias gown from the 2010 collection... and light like a feather or souffle... and ethereal...

it cost an arm... a leg and my kidney (Baroque i told ya i could live on one kidney)...

my fiance couldnt say no when i called to let him know what i was about to do to his card.... he later said i sounded breathless... happy... he said fine get the gown!

i left that shop... high... happy as a lark...

My gown arrives in 6 months! from Barcelona Spain...

I wont be showing you pictures here loves... you will need to lobby for a wedding invite.... like the sharp Baroque has done...

Now i feel like a bride! and i'm totally ready to walk down that aisle now! imagine a gown having that kind of effect!

See you guys then!

The Gown Hunt Part 3

2009-12-12T06:23:00.000-08:00

And then the gown hunt moves to the US.... California... Los Angeles...

Believe you me... i bought a ticket and went to the US and 50% of the reason was to check out some bridal stores...

Got in to LA over the weekend.... spent it all jetlagged.... LA is 8 hours behind london...

First thing Monday... off to the bridal stores... IBEX Bridals in downtown LA.

My friend had booked an appointment for me previously.

On arriving there, we were met by an old man standing behind the counter... he brought out 4 massive album like catalogues and told us to look through..

Turning the pages i saw something i would like to try...so i turned to him and said - how do i mark the pages?
"those markers over there" he snapped!

Ahah! what is the snapping for? you craze? no gree me vex for here oh.... i can be your bridezilla nightmare come true... what is wrong with this baba? pshew... but i didnt say anything na... make i no unleash the dragon just yet.

I took the markers and started marking the catalogue... then he came back and said "have you tried gowns anywhere?" "yes" i replied irritably "harrods london"

Come and see transformation!

Na so this guy face change! he begin dey smile... got a chair for my friend who is pregnant... and generally started trying to suck up!

i ignored him and continued my marking... we had been told 5 gowns... i must have marked like 7 or 8.... the ass didnt say anything.... he was busy fawning....

then a bridal consultant was assigned to me... nice, fun hispanic lady who made the whole experience more interesting in no time....

we went upstairs and the trying began... very quickly we whittled the gowns down to two gowns.... one an award winner 2010 gown by Maggie Sottero.... the picture no gree upload

and the other... i'm not even sure who it's from now... it was nice though...just nice....

The Maggi Sottero was even nicer... but it was massive... very massive and silent...

my friend again loved it... she was ohing and haing and the bridal consultant who was just intent on making a sale joined her... i tried to listen for the gown's voice.. over their own... nothing... nada... pshish!

Next thing the bridal consultant was dragging me out of the gown and downstairs to go and pay for the gown... i followed her mutely.... she started filling out the form... she looked up at me and the spell was broken

" i dont want that gown!" i said finally
"you dont?" she said, "it was superb!" my friend replied

"i dont want it" i went and sat on the stair case that led up to the changing room and my friend came to join me.... we talked briefly... then she went to talk to the bridal consultant... i couldnt hear them...

then we left.... i was relieved to walk out of the bridal store...away from the silent gowns that left me indifferent... nonchalant... my friend however was rather frantic...

that night i dreamt i walked down the aisle in an "ankara wedding gown"! lol

The Gown Hunt part 2

2009-12-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

...So its 5pm and we arrive at Harrods... we roamed around a bit and then headed to the first floor bridal section.

"hello ladies, who's the bride?" a chirpy friendly lady asked.

I lost my tongue - "her" my friends replied pointing at me helpfully, I smiled gratefully staring around at a profusino of gowns.

They brought out the magazines and catalogues, I brought out my sheet of paper... I had a few ideas....

We looked through the magazines.... my friends had comments on every gown... I had none.

I kept imagining myself in each gown, standing at the altar and saying to my boo "Here I am baby, lets do it" I kept imagining all sorts.

We picked out 5 gowns for me to try and we headed to the changing room with my bridal consultant.

"Champagne anyone?" the consultant asked.

"Sure" two of us replied... we got bubblies...and the gown trying began....

see some pictures below....

I waited for these gowns to move me... one of my friends kept oohing and aahing over every gown, she wouldnt stop. I felt like slapping her, someone should have told me picking your gown is sacred, an alone moment... a no comment moment... its me and the gown.... i need to hear it whisper to me... "I'm your gown, your memory maker, lets do it babes!" But all the gowns were silent... totally silent...

I was made to walk around in them.... to stand in front of a mirror on a rotating stand... strangers had tears in their eyes ... one of them even said "she is so dry eyed! strong girl... not crying.... my friend over there is wailing" and truly a girl was wailing cos she felt so pretty in her gown... ah! wahala! native goat!

as for me .... i am busy waiting for my gown to speak to me and i aint buying until it does!

anyway... i took them all off... one after the other... we booked another appointment... but i know i'm not coming back here....
These gowns are not for me... not even the one that my friends and the bridal consultant insisted had a whao factor... it wasnt me...

The hunt continues!

The Gown Hunt part 1

2009-12-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

I have looked at so many gowns online... everything looks either the same or just out-rightly wrong...

All the bridal shops seem to be out of town... luton... Worcestershire.. Kent... Hartford...Liverpool! am i going to travel round the world to get a gown?

then i found Pronovias and in an earlier post i promised Baroque i would exchange my kidney for a Pronovias gown... they are elegance personified!

So I decided to go try some wedding gowns at the Pronovias section at Harrods. My friend and i agreed on a date... a Saturday afternoon... ignorant bride to be that i am!

A few hours to the trip to the store, I got an epiphany and decided to call the store - and next thing i heard was "we are sorry, but you have to book an appointment and right now we are booked till January!"

what! are there so many people getting married? i thought the economy had taken a downturn! what is wrong with these people! dont i walk into Gap and Next to try jeans? pshew...

so no gown trying that sunny Saturday....I was a bit put out!

I got to work on Monday and a colleague in similar shoes said "you dont know there is a long queue at Harrods?" you have to book months ahead for a bridal fitting in most bridal shops! especially ones that stock Pronovias"

i didn't know that!... what's the big deal anyway... its just a puffy white gown by some Spaniard!

Deep down inside me i was thinking what kinda bride is Tyger? why am i treating my gown purchase like a jeans purchase?... i dont even know bridal etiquette... i moaned to my boo... he brushed it off and said ..."dont mind them, you can always get a gown later"

Men! he is missing the point....

anyway not one to miss a challenge... i started calling the Harrods Pronovias regularly... until i became a familiar spirit... sorry... voice! one afternoon they called and said we have an opening in two weeks...and we know you really want a fitting soon... its a 5pm slot though!

now you are talking! where you na put name before... i agreed to the date...

i rounded up my girlfriends and we set off for gown trying and champagne at Harrods, one dusky evening....

Wedding colours and things

2009-09-17T08:34:00.000-07:00

Okay guys.... to the issue of wedding colours

i have chosen my wedding colours (aint telling you yet) and now i'm trying to choose my engagement colours... i.e. the colours my friends and families will wear... the colours the hall will be decorated in... my cake will probably be in... you know the drill...

so I need you guys to help....

these are my options - or the options i am interested in considering... some of them may seem weird or impossible... but they all are largely possible... if you close your eyes and try... you could imagine them...

1. mint green, fushcia pink and baby pink

2.baby pink and white

3. white and gold

4. orange and aqua blue

5. orange and champagne

6. orange and yellow

7. yellow and blue

knock yourselves out... tyger is waiting....

p.s. took the bond job... so from now i'm janet...janet bond.... doubt that i will be able to blog about the job though... not like i have blogged about my job in the past... but you know...

a fellow sent me a message on facebook... telling me how he wanted to be my sweetie... of course i didnt reply... just ignored it... regular stranger stalker and freak on facebook or something...

and a few days later he sends me a long mail... cursing me out for not responding...freakazoid! is it by force? lol

Tyger and the Wedding Planner (that she thought she wont bother with)

2009-09-03T06:39:00.000-07:00

Okay so I am planning this wedding business and in my last post I talked about wedding planners and how I’m not going to use one… I eat my words!

Amazingly I am using one…. By force… by grace….by chance… I wont tell you what our arrangement is… but it’s a good one….

A friend of mine…. Who is a wedding planner… is planning my wedding with me… she is not just going to plan it and deliver it to me… we are doing this together.... She has become my sounding board for everything and what I find most amazing is her willingness to discuss colours and colour combos relentlessly…. I even bore myself so I don’t get the girl…

She appears to understand the things I want – she speaks in pictures…. If I have an idea, she goes looking for a picture and shows me “ Tyger is this what you want?” and I go “no not that” and she goes looking again and when she finds it, she really finds it….

So i handed over that vendor list i talked about in my last post... my long list of vendors that my girlfriends supplied me and she will be dealing with them all...

So I am using a wedding planner….and she is awesome…

At some point later on I will let you guys in on what we are up to.

For now I’m off… to talk about centre pieces and table linen and bridesmaid gowns!

Wedding Planning 1

2009-08-20T13:09:00.000-07:00

Hello Blogsville,

About my wedding and this wedding planning business...

Firstly i am not using a wedding planner... most people plan their wedding... think its gone well and next thing they put up sign board - wedding planner! aint dissing the profession though... there are good ones out there who actually save you money... but for my wedding i wont bother with one! i am not a project manager for nothing.

okay so i need vendors for everything (caterer, decorations, make up, nails, hair)... the works...i have been getting some outrageous prices that were trying to drive me up the wall...(last post) and i sat and thought about it... if it was an office issue/event, what would i do? i would compare many recommended vendors!

so i sent a mail to all my recently married friends who's weddings looked good for one reason or the other... and also hollaed out on blogsville here in my last post... and my world of awesome girlfriends responded en-mass; frankly they blew my mind.... long list of all their vendors, prices and how they turned out... and if the vendor didnt perform well, they said so...

thanks girls - you all rock! the world would be incomplete without girlfriends!

so now i have a list of vendors (atleast 3) in each category..... to compare... i will be calling these vendors one by one.... will let you know how it goes...

my sister, a girlfriend and a mate have agreed to work on chasing, supervising and ensuring delivery from vendors ...i'm getting there...

So now i have been looking at gowns.... lots of it..... yes i'm gown hunting already... In as much as i would like to wear my own design... i am frightened of the stress that might come with producing such a thing... as i am hell bent on avoiding any skin breakouts, biko i will buy a gown!

i think i should go to the US.... perhaps for the thanksgiving sales (awoof dey run belle)... and get a gown... but i saw this website and fell in love with some gowns on it.... www.pronovias.com

if you go to that wedding website, let me know what you think...

okay i'm off now... more wedding tory later...

this last week.....

2009-08-17T05:32:00.001-07:00

One of my two jobs is working as a “Recruitment and Training Manager” for corporate volunteers and such and one thing this job has done is brought a lot of interesting people my way.

Last month, I interviewed a runway model, a paratrooper and a scuba diver…. Of course I get the mundane doctor, banker, accountant, policy/government office worker…. You know… but I do get the interesting ones at times….

However this last week… I got ONLY the annoying ones….
The one who could barely read and write but insisted on filling out a 5 page form on her own; and she started filling the form at 4.45pm in my office! I frigging want to go home, what is wrong with this illiterate?

The one who wanted to work with “asylum seekers, refugees, poor families and victims of domestic violence” but would prefer those who didn’t live in dodgy neighbourhoods, spoke good English, and were interested in eating out, and sitting in the park to discuss the state of the world – hello? Can I slap you please?

The one who is Nigerian… from the Rivers… spoke awful English and then claimed to be a graduate of English from the University of Ibadan… until I said really? And then she said actually the “port Harcourt school of education” affliated to the University of Ibadan… pshew! Ode! (meaning dumbass) she also proceeded to fill a form three times cos she kept spelling her name wrong and getting her date of birth wrong! Oh common! You are fake through and through!

Annoying yet amusing stuff!

Hey guys… I’m out searching for wedding vendors … either I get affordable ones or else I’m going to start working on an elopement plan!

Why would a photographer want me to pay N1million naira for wedding photographs? – am I asking you to re-create me?

Why would a decorator want N1.1million for decorating two halls – am I asking you to build a permanent structure? Pshew

Blogsville, holla back and prevent Tyger from putting into work an elopement plan oh

Oya Moji, Aloted, oluwadee, y’all know your selves married girls! I’m waiting…..

Loving y’all

Let him without sin cast the first stone... on this stupid pair!

2009-08-04T12:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was on my laptop, playing online scrabble with Kokubaboni (that’s my fiancé y’all… and that’s what we’ll be calling him here on) and I noticed that suddenly he seemed distracted and was starting to lose. While I was still enjoying the results of his distraction, he called and said “there’s something you need to see, this is totally crazy, I’m forwarding a mail to you now, go take a look, however if you become distracted and lose a turn don’t blame me”

So I ran off to my mail box and opened the mail he sent and saw the worst pictures I’ve ever seen. I’m sure a few peeps on blogsville I’ve already gotten this mail.
Some fellow and girl who work in the same organisation, who are both married to other people, were having an extramarital affair, went off on a vacation together and took pictures of themselves….naked and doing the stuff lovers do! And someone got a hold of these pictures and published them… online!

I gaped at the pictures and a few things immediately registered in my mind – she is pretty, they are stupid, they are ruined… she is ruined… and this is mean! … somewhat in that order.

The public shame and embarrassment and trouble they have brought on themselves far exceeds what they would have got if they had simply left or divorced their “boring” partners instead of trying to be smart and eating their cakes and having it… but that’s story for another day.

Publishing those pictures was punishing them; meaning whoever published the pictures thought either or both of them deserving of punishment … and saw a perfect way of meting it out... or perhaps it was merely an opportunity to get back at someone or two people who have somehow wronged him or her or them...

whoever did this has punished not two immoral people but in frankness punished two immoral people, their innocent or not so innocent but atleast unknowing partners; their children if they have any, their loved ones…

You might be thinking – they should have thought of that before cheating! i would say they should have thought of that before cheating and taking FRIGGING PICTURES!

i dont totally blame the wicked mofo that published the pictures ( you are the king/queen of wickedville) but i totally blame the stupid pair who decided to take pictures of their own adultery... of their act of indiscipline, selfishness and cowardice - (if you are tired of your marriage gerrout of it or shut up and buckle down to working at it)

Who takes these kind of pictures in this day and age? Haven’t you heard of the “Paris Hilton case?” that pictures and videos always find their way out?
Who keeps a vivid record of their cheating arse while cheating?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not justifying their behaviour, excusing it or nothing.
What they did, was and is totally wrong from all angles... but this particular pair are not just wrong... they are stupid and selfish along with it...

you know the saying - you dont get punished for committing a crime, you get punished for getting caught!

idiots!

Engaged!

2009-08-02T02:47:00.000-07:00

"For He has caused the lines to fall upon me in pleasant places" Yes! Tyger is engaged! totally so! on Friday 31st July at the Spice Inn restaurant, he asked me on bended knees to marry him!

I peered at the box he was holding, uncomprehendingly, thinking to myself, that is not a camera! he was supposed to bring out the camera and why is that waiter taking my picture! and then it dawned.... my kokubaboni wants to marry me! ....i stared at him as he said urgently "please answer me, please marry me baby" .... i held his hand and stared back at his earnest face - yes... of course yes i will marry you! ...lol.. then i started giggling happily....

so here i am wearing a sparkler! and twisting and turning it every other minute.

Its a solitaire square diamond, set in a gold band.... i shall take a picture of my hand and upload it shortly.....

I have always thought to myself that one day i'm going to tell my blog family that i'm engaged! and i wondered how that would feel... and I can tell you now that I am so happy guys! i am endlessly tickled.... delighted... over the moon.... overjoyed! ... i feel like an accomplished cellist, violinist....a sky diver, a succesful car race driver.... a mountain climber atop the mount everest... okay i know you are wondering how that ties in.... lol....i feel accomplished! lol.... cos i've gone and done it now and it feels awesome!

i'm just happy!

the count down starts now! we are toying with next year may or july! ... like oluwadee, i might be doing a lot of wedding gisting here! lets see how it goes.....

Very Important Abbreviations

2009-07-22T08:39:00.000-07:00

We dont have to conform.... to their ideas....
we dont have to borrow.... their concepts of jokes....
and

we dont have to borrow.... their abbreviations.... like - lol, lmao and so on

why?

1. you're at work and you are chatting, no amount of spyware and such will bother you, cos you can still yab your boss NS(nothin spoil) whilst you are still answering the mugu YB (Yes Boss).

2. These abbreviations are non-tribal, and so celebrate "One Naija".

So peoples, LGT (lets go there)!

1. LWKM - Laugh wan kill me
2. LWKMD - Laugh wan kill me die
3. MIDG - make i dey go
4. WGYL - we go yarn later
5. IGA - I gbadun am
6. ICS - I can't shout
7. DJM - Don't jealous me
8. WBDM - Who born d maga
9. UDC - U de craze
10. NUS - Na u sabi
11. WSU - who send u
12. OSABZ - over sabi
13. ITK - I too know
14. WDH - wetin dey happen
15. NDH - nutin dey happen
16. FMJ - free me jo
17. BBP - bad bele people
18. HUD - how u dey
19. WKP - waka pass
20. BBG - baby girl
21. KKL - Kokolette
22. MML - mamalette
23 GFF- Gbono fe le fe le (e.g., she GFF)
24. NTT - Na true talk
25. IKU - It koncain u?
26. NDM - no dull me
27. LGT - let's goo there
28. IFSA - I for slap am
29. IGDO - I go die o
30. YB - Yess boss
31. NLT - No long thing
32. 2GB - 2 gbaski (e.g., the song 2GB!)
33. CWJ - carry waka jorh
34. WBYO - wetin be your own
35. U2D - U 2 do
36. U2DV - U 2 dey vex
37. MKG - maka gini?
38. WSDP - who send dem papa
39. INS - i no send
40. INFS - i no fit shout
41. WWY - who wan yarn
42. NBST - no be small thing
43. NWO - na wah oooooo
44. NMA - no mind am
45. MIHW - make i hear word
46. NBL - no be lie
47. NB? - na beans?
48 wd - wetin dey
49. UNGKM - u no go kill me
50. o2s - omo 2 sexy
and of course to avoid the boring round figures!

51. NDU/NDY - Nothin' do u/you

and so.....

2009-06-28T05:50:00.000-07:00

And so it was meant to be a duet in church today, but it turned out to be two solos...infact the first singer didnt even look at the other... it was as if she didnt know the other person was there! ... it was awful... we endured it though.... what else was there to do?

and so i started my new Job - Manager, Volunteer Recruitment and Training. I'm supposed to be settling in, but in the first two days, my assistant... please note... i said my assistant! so he makes a pass at me.... when i ignored him, he tried again... when i responded coldly, he got earnest...when i gave him more work, he said "punishing with all this work wont chase nothing, me know what i'm feeling" ..... what is there to do?

and so Michael Jackson died.... just like that.... vast wealth, king of pop, more fame than 95% of the world and the medics couldnt help him.... he didnt have the luck of dying in his sleep.... a cardiac arrest and no one to help his pain.... this life is tough business.... what is there to do?

and so i'm house hunting... i have seen every bedsit and studio this side of London... i have walked and rode buses and trains... spent my weekend peeking into loos, peering into bathrooms and sitting on beds in strange houses... all over London... Walthamstow Central, Seven sisters, tottenham hale, blackhorse road, leyton, leytonstone, stratford.... pshew! what else is there to do?

What is wrong

2009-06-11T15:21:00.000-07:00

I have no idea!

I have been listening to strange songs and thinking all sorts...One minute I am listening to Halo by Beyonce, and next thing I am listening to Lily Allen and giggling!

I have had a really tiring week.... walking from one end of london to the other... as tube workers decided to go on strike! i walked for almost 2 hours one day! stood for about an hour! rode the bus for 4hours! i dont think i did anything on wednesday apart from trying to get from one point to the other! pshew

A few weeks ago, i was rushing to catch a train that comes only once in 15 minutes, i was running late for an appointment to show my collection/designs somewhere! i fell down on the last step on the staircase at the station and sprained my ankle.

I shamelessly burst into tears and the train driver got down... i delayed the train... a good samaritan turned my ankle (which had decided to go in an unknown direction) and in a fit of gratitude, i gave him my number when he asked!
stupid idiot girl! he has been calling and honestly i'm not friend hunting! or am i just ungrateful?

In the last few days, I have not been convinced that i am happy... I feel disgruntled! like something is wrong.... missing... lacking! what do i want again! i have everything i have been screaming for na! na wa oh!

Brothers and sisters please pray for this ungrateful child i am turning into oh!

Someone please tell sister tyger there is no grass on the other side! talkless of it being green!

I don talk

This and that

2009-05-30T02:49:00.000-07:00

The economy must be picking up or God is super good to me.... or both!
Its true that when it rains it pours! i got 2 jobs in 2 months and somehow get to do both through some juggling and persuasion
3 days here and 2 days here - project manager and health and management consultant!
things can only get better - gbam!

House hunting
A studio flat?
A one bedroom apartment?
Flatshare?
Looking around!

Like a sickly baby, my business is hiccuping
I have little time, since i have decided to work two big jobs... thief like me
now it is faltering
all spare time and weekends are spent checking out clothing factories and having meetings with pattern graders, business advisers and agents!
I am tired! and worried! and conscious that the spring fashion season is around the corner! august! oh gosh whats a girl gonna do?

The lines have fallen upon me in pleasant places...
love has decided not to beat me up in dark alleys
but to hold me, cocoon me, caress and reassure me...
Still I am a bit petrified! .... here goes my freedom.... or maybe not?
H.Samuel, Weaverbrook and all the other jewelry stores have taken on a new fascination... i stare at rings!

My dad says to me - great things come in small packages - I believe him, but my colleagues stare at me and i have heard say - is that the new lady? Isnt she rather small and young? pshew
getover your selves and leave me to do my job!

I have suddenly picked up a culture of not finishing things... of lacking motivation...

there is a list on my wall and it goes undone...words like driving tests, prince 2 exams, pattern creation, manuscript summary fly in my face... unfinished.... unattended to *sigh*
whats a girl to do?

My thoughts to you!

2009-05-23T03:19:00.000-07:00

1. Aspire to be Barbie - the bitch has everything.

2. If the shoe fits - buy them in every color.

3. Take life with a pinch of salt... A wedge of lime, and a shot of tequila.

4. In need of a support group? - Cocktail hour with the girls!

5.. Go on the 30 day diet. (I'm on it and so far I've lost 28 days - fat burster sistas please forgive me).

6.. When life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

7. Let your greatest fear be that there is no PMS and this is just your personality.

8. I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They know me here.

9. Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

10. Don't get your knickers in a knot; it solves nothing and makes you walk funny.

11. When life gives you lemons - turn it into lemonade then mix it with vodka.

12. Remember where ever there is a good looking; sweet, single or married man there is some woman tired of his bullshit!

13. Keep your chin up, only the first 40 years of parenthood are the hardest.

14. If it has Tires or Testicles it's gonna give you trouble.

15. By the time a women realizes her mother was right, she has a daughter who thinks she's wrong.
16. Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there'
17. Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live for today.
18. Give your enemies the opportunity to become friends or atleast indebted to you, but never give your friends the opportunity to become enemies
19. Be a bulldog on the pant leg of life - hold on to it, till it gives you what you want!

20- i so hate round up figures! 19 will do for y'all

party pictures as promised

2009-05-07T03:00:00.001-07:00

Guys, i promised party pictures and so here they are! sorry they are just coming... of course i am not showing my face! booo!
have fun

Tyger makanaki!

Chikitas at the party

tyger

the party crowd

lets boogee down!

doing my thing

I had a blast!

2009-05-03T17:14:00.000-07:00

Okay now the day is over.... i can happily say i had a blast....

my friends had a party for me... and my friends came... in force... the food was lovely...jollof, fried rice, curried chicken, gizzard and plantain, baked chicken, beef ribs in sauce and 3 cakes...

the music was fun... we danced....we laughed... new friends were made... loads of pictures were taken (i promise to put some up)... and I got cards that said gorgeous things and gifts that tickled me...

Overall i feel loved!

I got a huge teddy bear from lover boy that i have now named "Father Frederick" I dont even know why i chose that name... and the most beautiful pair of sandals by nine west - i will put pictures of that too! ... and two cards that made me feel all super warm inside! i am loving my lover!

My world is fly

I had a blast

I'm the perfect age

And I have loved ones!

I'm so happy it almost hurts....

Happy Birthday to me!

Unmotivated, birthdays and the sometimes feelings...

2009-05-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

Last few days I have felt unmotivated.... to do anything... at all... my business is starting to suffer and for a start up that is bad... i am ignoring mails that require any real activity... yet the days are passing by...

its my birthday on Sunday and my friends are having a party for me... at first the idea delighted me but now i just want to run away a day before to come back a day after... I am dreading my own birthday cos i know i will be besieged with calls, text messages, emails and pokes... i should be delighted right? but somehow i am just filled with dread...thank God its a Sunday... a lot of people wont be at work...

sometimes i wonder if my super duper lover will stop being super duper... will this last forever is the question on my mind!

sometimes i think i'm jealous of my friend who started a similar career at the same time i did but when i broke off to get a masters she didnt and now the job market is all crazy, she is still gliding up the ladders, easy as pie...and sometimes i'm just jealous....

sometimes i think i dont miss anybody and sometimes i miss my peeps so much it hurts and i cry... like i did a few days ago...

i think i need to win a lottery... cos i need a lot of money right now... more like yesterday...

someone should please tell Copido to come back to blogsville... where is she?

I'm getting the blues this evening again!

The Pining of a City Nymph

2009-04-30T09:28:00.000-07:00

I wish I could be free,
That I was utterly free of care,
Of the rules and conventions that hold me captive.
I feel like the walls are closing in.
My life with phenomenal velocity is running out on me.
Like sand in an hourglass

Untamed eagle I crave your liberty
Soaring through the sky, your life without barrier
Cerulean clouds and smoky stars my silent allies
With abandon, unbound totally free

I wish I could love recklessly like I long to,
Without thought or dread
Of the retributions of the society that laid down tenets
Incomprehension and vindictiveness the rule of law
A threat to my very presence and the ties that cause my mind form
But fear holds me in

Wild horses I want to be like you.
Running through the wide expanse of open space
Clouds of rock and umber sand my only companion
With abandon, unbound totally free

I see the girl I dream to be
Laughing, running, free, Mother Nature the only control
The winds and air partners in the conspiracy
Running to that magical point
Where the blue silvery sky meets the golden hues of the water's edge
On a warm sultry night

Beautiful seals, I long for your freedom
Gliding, in and out, your might in charge of the waves
The foaming breakers my favorite cohorts
With abandon, unbound totally free

I can taste the freedom on my tongue
I reach out for it at the detriment of my existence
Yet it eludes me like a chimera.
I wish I could throw caution to the winds
With eternal freedom running, flying soaring with sheer heedlessness
Just free……………………

Where is my blog lover

2009-04-21T13:09:00.001-07:00

I have a blog lover...

I have been busy, my life in a clover...

but i'm not so swamped by fabrics or designs

that i dont notice that on blogville alone i dine....

where has my blog lover gone....

i miss his mysterious calls of days long gone...

his syrupy voice and cynical cackling....

when i refuse to do his bidding....

blog lover come out of hiding

Tyger misses your yakking....

back to feeling fabric! - i feel like a pervert!

Of Fabrics and Surface Design

2009-04-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so i'm trying to get ready a collection for the spring/summer 2010 season - yes the fashion season is one year ahead (you get a season's collection ready a year before the season).

So I am checking out fabrics - some days i wake up and think - 100% silk georgette 12m/m thick would work, and then some days i shift to 100% silk satin - its so shiny and attractive and luxurious; but today i woke up thinking - maybe i should use 100% silk habutai - 8m/m thick, or maybe 11m/m thick.... stomped.

Some of my designs for the collection are centred round lace - so i have been touching and caressing and feeling lace up... nylon lace, silk lace, cotton lace, beaded lace, crinkled lace! cant make up my mind either - one thing is i think i'll avoid nylon lace - cotton or silk would be better - almost twice as expensive though.. i found this beautiful black lace - my agent found it for me... but it wont take dye - so its in just two colours... on the other hand, there is this other lace that will take dye but is just not as gorgeous.. on the other hand, there is one lace that is totally pretty with little black beads at the centre of each flower but its nylon!... stomped again....

i found a penny pleated silk at the Berwick silk shop, its totally strange but pretty - imagine the underside of an octopus - with all those eggs attached? that's exactly how it looks - silk with raised penny sized bits! ugly in a pretty way... i want to make gowns out of it... but we cant find it in bulk! and the Berwick guys totally wont tell!

This fabric business is driving me crazy... totally crazy!

and i am ranting!

Fashionista - thinking out loud

2009-04-17T14:46:00.000-07:00

A friend gave me a beautiful blue and black java wax fabric.... she wants me to make her a mono-strap gown with a waist band (one of my designs) for her "intro".

I was surprised when she chose that design from the bulk of designs i had to show her... although its pretty, its also rather simple and most people if they get the opportunity to look through original designs will pick the most complicated thing they see there! .... truth be told, i was relieved cos it meant just a few hours work....

I spent half of today making that gown.... when she gets it (cos i have to post it to her)... i will ask her to take a picture in it so i can show my blog family.

Preparations for the London Fashion Week as started again and I would love to show my designs there... but the cost! is out of this world... nevertheless i have registered to be considered for a very small stall... :-).. pray along guys!

I dont think i will ever pay for photography work again....lol

There are so many new and upcoming photographers out there looking to build portfolios that they are willing to work for free in exchange for having your pictures in their portfolio! so if you are having a party - the kind that needs a professional photographer job - visit "starnow.com"

Anyway, enough said.

There is this agency in London - London Development Agency that provides help to start up businesses. I called to book an appointment to see them some weeks ago and I was booked to see the " supposed" guru of fashion.

So i got to see this rather effeminate guy in the hope that he would tell me something i dont already know....

He did tell me a few things but... I must say i have never seen a more patronising and belligerent fellow... although he was smiling; he spewed so much negativity... at first i said to myself - calm down, listen and learn... he might have a point... but after two weeks of dealing with his constant negative opinions and his "i-dont-think-you'll-make-it-you-are-black-african-and-too-young" I told him off!

Somebody needs to let that guy know that "Nigerians no dey carry last, worst case na draw! pshew.... leave me and my gowns alone!

If you want to know what's going in the fashion world.... who's doing what, who's going bankrupt and who's making money, the new designers in town and what's hot (and not in the high street, glamour magazine sense)in the haute couture, designer world sense - visit "drapersonline" that's the designers newspaper and bible....

Thats about it for today....

Tyger the Fashionista

2009-04-16T11:20:00.000-07:00

I have been gone for about two months now.... abandoned blogging like it was a torn blouse and stuck to starting my fashion business like a new lover.

I have agonised over whether i should blog about it or not.

Over whether i will make sense to those who are not in the fashion industry and whether i wont end up doing other people's home works for them - i hate doing that.

I have decided to blog about the travails of starting a fashion business in the UK.

Dear Blog family,

You will all endure my whinings when i feel down... you will celebrate my successes when they come, you will offer advice when i ask, criticism when its requested and even when its not.

I'll be right back with my first post from behind the curtain of fashion designing

Good news!

2009-02-23T07:04:00.000-08:00

Today,my passport and all the other documents were found!!!!

I'm ecstatic!

Okay the stupid part

The package containing my passport and documents have been IN THE HOUSE FOR THE LAST 5 WEEKS!!!

Yes you read right!

It was received and signed for by Mr. Nobody and while going through the many sheets of paper on a chair hidden behind a table, i see this envelope - seal unbroken!

When did this come?

I asked my uncle?

Dont know! where did you find it? my uncle said shrugging
Here! i replied... right here i said pointing at the chair.

I opened it and voila my passport and documents are there!

I am ecstatic although a bit irritaed at the sudden appearance of this dodgy package!

where were you naa? i asked the brown envelope.

Please rejoice with me my dear blog family

and thanks for the many advice and words of support
love y'all!

What do you do?

2009-02-09T08:41:00.001-08:00

What do you do when you send your passport to the Home Office and they casually tell you 6 weeks later your passport is lost and they dont care?

what do you do when someone loves you hard, you know its a good thing... but your feelings cant just seem to catch up?

What do you do when your blog lover wont come out of hiding but chooses to torment you with sweet telephone calls?

What do you do when your friend calls you and casually mentions that she is having an extramarital affair 3 months into her marriage and its so much fun?

What do you do when you need to raise money to run your business but the credit crunch is crunching all your investors?

What do you do?

I'll be right back!

p.s. For those who were following Anansewa's story (Older woman younger man part 1,2 and 3)please check Baroque's blog, He's done a version from the younger man's point of view and its superb!

p.s. Baroque I am flattered but frightened of your plagiarising skills!

Thankful

2009-01-24T14:35:00.000-08:00

I am in a not so wonderful state of mind right now.... which i guess is why i havent been bothered to blog....

However, I have decided to be thankful by doing a thankful post.... i'm hoping that will elevate my frame of mind .... come with me

I am thankful

1. For the gift of life, for good health, peace, joy, hope and the grace to know God and his saving grace.

2. For my mother - she underwent an operation "which i wasnt told about till it was done" and it was successful - I am so grateful to God.

3.For my brother who was in Jos during the Jos killing crisis and came home unscathed... and fine

4. For the gift of friends - who have stood by me in the last 6 months, holding me up... loving me.. listening... encouraging.... providing....

4. For the inspiration to turn out my sketches for my 2009 collection and to work on finalising them

5. For the many job interviews I have done in this credit crunch time, I know one of them will come through

thats all I can think of for now.... things are kinda tough around here

See you guys!

2008 -a review of the golden year

2008-12-31T07:11:00.000-08:00

This year will be ending in 8hrs 30mins (GMT)and I am deeply conscious of how good a year it has been.

Honestly God has been faithful

Yes I can't deny there are still things I want and need and I am not talking about the WII game board here... even though i do want that

Things like a dream job....

Things like a production contract with a Fashion House

Things like Baroque on a platter...

Things like my own place....

The list is endless and they are all important

Nevertheless this year has been golden:

I have bagged an additional degree...

lived abroad in the European country I have always wanted to live in, where life is golden...yeah Switzerland

worked at my dream job...

travelled...

made new friends, kept old ones and lost nasty ones...

explored Madison Avenue and 5th Avenue indepth...

finished sketching a whole fashion collection for next year...

bought a superb sewing machine on which i intend to perform innovative magic

kept a large number of the resolutions I made in 2008! - yes I didnt stalk any boy and i stayed away from Faith and Manolo Blahnik and Designer sales...

So yes! 2008 has been a golden year

and with much expectation and joy I am looking forward to 2009 and I hope you are too...

And if you think you dont have just enough reasons to be excited and expectant, you are wrong cos if you look hard enough, you will find enough reasons to say

2008 has been a golden year and 2009, I cant wait to see you!

Pros and pros

2008-11-25T14:58:00.000-08:00

I was talking to a friend a few days ago... and she said "why are you single?"

and i thought "is that a rhetorical question or does she really want an answer?"

but before i could coin an appropriate response she said "you should hurry and just do it, just do it... you are just being choosy and you need to stop being so choosy... being single is so wrong!"

"whoa whoa whoa! hold it there" i said, "where is all that coming from? being single is not wrong dear, infact i think it can be quite awesome and has got its many benefits!" she shrugged and said " i dont know of any!"
the conversation ended shortly after that...

but on and off, I have been thinking about the benefits of being single... the "pros and pros" and now i have decided to write a few here...share with y'all... now i'm not saying there are no cons to being single, but today i am focusing on the "pros"
and i have numbered everything "1" cos its all about being single.

Here goes

1. you can have more than one man fussing around you

1. and you can do breakfast, dinner or lunch with any man that catches your fancy

1. you can be the "girl" in so many people's lives! including your dad! (and not in a dating sense!)

1. the money you earn is all yours!

1. you dont need to justify how you spend it or what you buy

1. there are no in-laws to manage

1. you have the bed to yourself

1. and have someone in it, only when you want for as short as you want...lol

1. you are not accountable to anyone else but yourself - you can up and go wherever you like whenever you like (and i have done that a few times)

1. your time is yours, not under some "new management"

1. you can work late and not feel guilty or have to apologize or negotiate

1. yes your life is not a constant dialogging or negotiation

1. you can be as selfish as a cat

1. you cook or buy food only cos you are hungry... there is no other mouth to consider

1.your life is exactly that - yours!

feel free to contribute to this list

remember the numbering is "1"

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!!!

2008-11-21T11:49:00.000-08:00

I was watching the National Geographic Channel, I do a lot... cos I love animals madly.... everything on all fours... except reptiles oh...

Anyway, I was watching the Nat. Geo and it was a program about Tigers and their hunting habits (yeah tigers..lol) and something struck me strongly

In the world of nature, survival is 100% dependent on results.

A hungry tiger in the wild doesnt get food by chasing its prey from 8am to 5pm.
If he makes a kill, he eats,
If he doesnt, he starves
If he's a good hunter, he prospers
if he's a poor hunter, he's history.

There are no time clocks, no sick leaves, no paid vacations, no points or promotions for trying hard and no kissing arse...
Mother nature is an unforgiving no-nonsense 100% result oriented bitch of a boss... aint cutting anybody any slack and excuses dont gel...

I bet you are saying - warrever! we are people not animals and that's in the jungle not here ...
but you see it applies to us

Like the tiger in the jungle, the achiever, the fortune 500 fella has no choice but to be result-oriented....
Putting in long hours means nothing
Being well organised means nothing
Knowing the right people means nothing
following a daily regimen means nothing
and being efficient means nothing

WITHOUT (before you guys bite my head off)
WITHOUT RESULTS
RESULTS ARE EVERYTHING!
TO MAKE ANYTHING OF YOURSELF YOU HAVE TO BE RESULT ORIENTED!

You either close the sale or you don't!
if you deal with customers, they either come back or they dont
you either achieve the set objective, or you don't

WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE!!!

The Audacity of Hope...

2008-11-07T13:58:00.000-08:00

So Obama won the election, I stayed up that night till 2.30am watching and waiting.... then the Ohio votes came in and I knew that Obama had won... and done it real good... i went to bed....

Next morning... there was so much excitement, so much noise, so much jubilation, funny text messages selling Obama Aso-ebi and various facebook profile messages....
and some of the profile messages i noticed were "the audacity of hope", "yes we can" "now i know all things are possible" "now i know i can achieve anything i dream" "the doors have been thrown wide open" bla bla bla and more bla....

"Fascinating!" i said to myself, "so now you know all things are possible abi? now you know you can achieve all things right? oh really?"

I opened my facebook and on my profile i wrote the following words
"if Obama can do the Black house, then i can do the palace, buckingham here i come"

That statement might sound funny to you, or preposterous like it sounded to many, cos in the short space of 5 hours i received such replies like "in your dreams" "get real" "Britain is not America oh" these comments were coming from the same people who said "all things are possible"

This same people were now saying "all things are possible but not something crazy like that..." Their responses proof of the barriers in their minds, the existing structures that keep us from going after those dreams...

As long as those structures exist, we will say a million times "all thing are possible" and then continue to be mediocre!

I am convinced that Obama's dreams were greeted with a similar response 10 years ago by many people who heard it then... but suddenly they dont look crazy anymore...

Now we are all screaming "Obama has opened new doors and showed us all things are possible!" really?

Dont get me wrong...I laud Obama with all my heart, however Obama did not fling any door open... he merely chose to see a open door where others see a wall...

The first black secretary general of the UN, the first woman in space...etc... saw doors... Obama and others like him are those who have chosen to break down the structures in their minds... to see open doors where to others there are walls... and the Obamas of this world will continue to walk through to success, fame and fulfilled dreams while the rest who see walls or locked doors will continue to stand outside, waiting for the Obamas to come and fling open doors that are already open... if only their chose to see and believe.

what am i saying?

while we rejoice with Obama and America, either as black people or as people who see a dream being lived, we shouldnt just scream "the audacity of hope" "yes we can" "all things are possible" let us scream it, believe it, dream it, live it... and make our dreams reality

My blog award

2008-10-29T14:37:00.000-07:00

10days ago, I was awarded the "I love your blog" award by Aloted

need i say i was thrilled, tickled and totally flattered to have gotten the award?
to think someone actually loves my innane writings is so.... humbling... thanks aloted... you rock!

so i am expected to pass on the award :-( and here are the rules for doing that:

1.The nominated is allowed to put the picture on their blogs.
2.Link to the person who awarded you.
3.Nominate seven other people and link to them.
4.Leave a message on those people's blog to make them aware that they're nominated.

so in the order i remember them, I am passing on the award to:

1. Unnaked - who showed me the world of blogging... your mind is beautiful! and your expression of it more so... even though you have taken a vacation from blogging, I hope you come back soon!

2. Oluwadee - I cant remember how i found your blog, but I sure I'm glad I found it... your blog brings me joy and frequently encouragement, your journey from spinsterhood to marriage has been exhiliarating and deep... what else can I say but I totally love your blog!

3. Afrojigy: I no fit shout! your blog is naughty, sassy yet smart... and its one blog i love visiting... religiously... even if it means glancing around and making sure no one is watching when I open it cos you never know what picture you got up!
you are some awesome stuff!

4. Aloted: purpose driven someborry... sister and friend... i love more than your blog... i'm loving you too!

5.Career driven woman: I just found you and your blog is a mine of information ... your blog has become an everyday tonic...

6.Overwhelmednaijababe: there is nothing overwhelmed about you! your blog amooses me and your thoughts give me thoughts... love ya blog

and finally my blog lover

7. Baroque: I have left you till last cos you totally rock my blog world!
if i write how much i love your blog and invariably your mind, some people eg. afrobabe will de-friend me " all is fair in love and war" and all that stuff... so i will simply say i adore your blog and the mind behind it.

I've gone and done it now!

2008-10-22T18:49:00.000-07:00

Today, I upped, went to Sears and bought a Singer electric sewing machine!

Yes, after bagging a Masters degree that has nothing to do with fashion, cost thirty thousand dollars and from a top 5 UK school, I have decided to make clothes...

Did I hear a gasp? a sigh.... perhaps a giggle at my madness or stupidity?

I dont blame you... but Yes, I have gone and done it...

I have always wanted to sew... I have pages and pages of sketches and there is nothing i find more delightful than turning something creative out from under my machine...

Why did I wait this long, work for 4 years... get an expensive Masters?

Simple... I've been scared of taking the leap!

However, I am taking it now...

Dear Blog family, I need your support... your encouragement and your followup...

Cos Tyger is plugging the machine to make some Haute Couture!

Shoes, Manhattan, Love and I

2008-10-20T22:18:00.000-07:00

Tyger has spent the last 10 days.... roaming 5th Avenue, 23rd Avenue and Madison Avenue indulging my craving for shoes... high heeled, wicked looking things, in black, blood red, wine.... tan...purple... six inches... three inches... brushed leather, croc,patent....naughty monkey, chinese laundry, baker, aldo, steven balden... and let me tell you its been an orgasmic experience...

talking of orgasmic experiences, i got a full body massage at the "Massage Envy" and this buff black guy worked every muscle on tyger... muscles i didnt know existed... at the end of one hour i felt like poured honey... golden honey poured slowly.. melting... sweet and soft... flowing in all its golden beauty... yeah thats what a massage can do to you!

One up for the friend who sold me the massage idea....

So i can say in the last two weeks i have had a number of "heavenly experiences"

However,

there is this guy who wears a trench coat and a bowler hat and goes around dodging poor souls going about their own businesses...so he can beat them up

I think i need to categorically say - i dislike, detest and despise him...

My name is Tyger and I despise you!

There I have said it....

Now leave me alone...

dont dodge my steps...

dont follow me....

dont pounce on me at inconvenient moments...

dont take me where i have no control...

you try my strength and threaten to rock my gently floating boat...

i didnt whistle for your cab...

so why the screeching stop in front of me?

I am warning you...

if you attempt to beat me up this time.... I am gonna outright kill you....

And incase you dont know... while shopping for shoes, I made friends with some Italians in lower Manhattan/Bleaker street and some in Chicago too... and the hudson river still got space for people who wanna live with the fishes....

you cant be messing with me... its dangerous for you...

Is tyger ranting?

Warreva!

2008-09-21T15:45:00.000-07:00

What exactly do i write about now? is the question that has plaqued my mind for a few weeks now...

when i do make up my mind.... like Arnold in Terminator 1 - I'll be back!

Till then, please forgive me and check back cos i aint totally dead yet... just flat out!

Older woman, younger man part 3

2008-07-27T13:46:00.001-07:00

If I can just do a quick review of this document, I’ll be through for the day, I thought to myself flicking through the 50 page report I had just printed. I mean today is Friday for jeez’s sake…
I’ll start at the Bar L’Africana in the old town… and see how it goes from there, I continued absentmindedly turning the pages, trying to force my mind to focus on what I was trying to review.
An almost non-existent rap on my door jerked me back from the document I was starting to circle and underline in red pen.
“Come in”, I replied, not looking up.
“Hi” he said coming in slowly, hesitantly. “You said I could drop by…”
“Eh, yes,” perhaps I will be drinking more than beers and vodkas this evening, I thought.
“How you doing?” I asked, not offering him a seat
“Fine”
“Yeah… I just realized that the stata program is per user, so the CD is of no use to you really” I said getting up from my seat, “but this laptop here, is an extra… I smiled indicating the laptop on my side table, “I don’t use it… rarely do… and you can borrow it whenever!” I finished smiling triumphantly.
“Oh really? That’s cool”
“As for the documents, they are up there, let me get them….” The documents were stacked precariously on an upper shelf, I tried to reach for them…inching up against the shelf,
“Let me get them”he said… coming close… I stepped back and bumped into him..
“Sorry”
I smiled
He reached for the shelf and I squeezed past him seemingly to get a folder at a much lower level… grazing his back with my breasts…quickly… but deliberately.. I felt his back stiffen sharply… I moved away…
“Thanks” I smiled collecting the folders.
“Yeah…”
“You know you will really have a great time if you spend time going through this one thoroughly…” I said stamping on a bulky blue folder and staring at him intently, my eyes saying something else entirely.
I saw the red climb from the collar of his shirt up to his hairline.
“Ok” He smiled sheepishly and continued to stare at me 2 buttons below neck level.
“It’s pretty quiet around here after 5” he smiled moving closer just a tiny step… not too close… but enough to invade my space.
“Ahah! You are totally game!” I crowed in my head.
“That’s cos everybody has gone home… and today is Friday… most folks can’t wait to get outta the door” I moved closer too… a slightly bigger step than his… but definitely significant enough.
“Yeah”
I kissed him… claiming his lips for a brief moment… broke it…I reached for his mouth again deepening the kiss and broke it again… now he came back… his left hand in the small of my back, he pulled me into him… I am 5ft 11, and he is still taller… much so.
His mouth explored mine… wet and cool and soft at the same time… he grazed my lower lips sucking on them, back to my upper lip… then both…sucking them at once... his tongue in my mouth...seeking and teasing... hell of a kisser…
We go at this for a minute… then I feel the cool breeze from the window on my skin, and he lowers his head…gently biting me through the gossamer lace of Victoria’s secrets that was struggling to hold me in…my back is pressed into my book shelf, I don’t care right now.
He raised his head for a second, reaching behind me to release the hooks, 1,2,3 and I burst free… in all my glory… shaking slightly… nipples darkened with desire…
“Hmm”, he moans…lowering his head again… he licked and sucked urgently… his tongue flickering back and forth… going from one to the other… while his right hand roams down my skirt to push it up… to my waist.
He finds my thighs and caresses them softly… upwards till he finds the wetness dripping through lace…his finger curved in a ‘Q’ he stroked me back and forth… the feeling was intense... exquisite delight… my mouth went dry… I looked at his face… all red… and his blue eyes slightly glazed and many shades darker…
Gently, he stirred me to my desk… I smile at him with my eyes… and mouth… and lying on my desk assumed Mahmood’s favorite position… Mahmood would visit me at work… just to do this.
He pushed the reports and papers out of the way pushing some of the them to the ground… and drops to his knee…pushing my legs as far apart as my skirt would allow; a tramp who hasn’t seen food in a week couldn’t be more enthusiastic… I tried to stifle my moans…
Twice I felt the volcanoes erupting in all their brilliance…spreading their warm inside me, through me… before he raised his head smiling at me… some arrogance in his face now…
“You good?”
“Like honey baby” I replied smiling impishly and jumping off the desk…
I turned around, dropped my skirt and my very rumpled thong and laid face down to the waist on the table…
“Hit me baby” I drawled… bar L’Africana, cidars and vodka can definitely wait a few hours….

Older woman, younger man part 2

2008-07-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

If you are getting confused... the previous post starts part 1
"Hello, I'm Fatima" one of the girls, the dark one... cant guess her nationality

"Jack… " definitely British... up north maybe

"Lillian…" the other girl... American

"Can I seat with you guys?"

"Yeah sure…"
"Sure…"
"Yeah… "
They chorused… brief smiles…faltering…

I can almost read their minds… "Why is she sitting with us…. We are new, trainees… she is what? An executive? principal advisor?..."

"So how are you guys finding it here, settling in well?"

He shrugged

I smiled… cat got his tongue now…

"calm down" I say with my eyes, "this is only conversation"

"Its okay"… Lillian smiled charmingly, but with steel in her eyes.

Ah ah! Know thy enemy… you hey?... I smiled back at her and said "Don’t worry it only gets better…"

"So what are you guys working on exactly… same projects?" I asked intentionally turning to Fatima.

"Well I'm working with Phillip on the cost effectiveness analysis of some drugs for a pharma in London" she replied.

"Phillip Donja in Health Economics?"

"Yeah and it's really fascinating and all"

I let her drone on for a minute.
"And you guys?"

"Doing a costing evaluation for the NHS" he said.

"Drugs or treatments?"

"Treatments, cancer"

"You too?" I turned to Lilian

"I'm working with Anita on the cost effectiveness of introducing some drugs in Africa"

"Ah! The Americans and their plan to save the whole world" I smirked … Anita… unfortunately…is also the office queen bee and bitch rolled into one.

"Well actually…

I cut her short… "that reminds me…. I do have a load of stuff that might help you with your costing evaluation and you are going to need a STATA software, do you have that?" I asked Jack.

"No, I don’t" he shook his head

"Okay drop by my office, later today or something"

"Okay guys, gotta rush now…" I got up briskly and dropped my coffee cup in the trash in one fluid motion…. "Of course, if you guys need anything, you wanna talk, you need answers to something… or more work" I added drily, I'm in room 4114" I paused then added "anytime" and strode off.

"I don’t like her" I heard Lillian whisper, her American accent givîng her away without my having to look.

'Tut tut I can hear you'… I smile to myself 'and you don’t count!'

Older woman, younger man

2008-07-10T08:16:00.000-07:00

There is a saying that in the perfect world, the older women would be with the young men and the young girls with the old men. Why is this? Perhaps because the older woman and the young men are at the same phase in life, likewise the young girl and the older men.

The older woman finally comfortable in her sexuality... every act her pleasure in mind... no longer all about him and the younger man voraciously exploring his... both of them unwilling to complicate issues... at that point...

The younger woman a dreamer... wanting much more than the sex and the older man... knowing there is much more than the sex and willing to îndulge the younger woman...

Why am i rambling on about this, because i am the older woman, sitting in the office lounge and 45 degrees to the north of me... he is sitting there... laughing... cute like a button... sexy as red...body to die for... 22 years old... at most 25...

I have caught his eyes twice... and the second time he wasnt so quick to look away... this one is mine! i gloat in my head, at the two girls he is having coffee with... both oblivious of our silent conversation...

Looking at him i remember Mahmood... insatiable, exciting, 22 year old Mahmood...that lasted 6 months... 6 months of heart pumping, in-every-dangerous corner...grab-the-table-the-ride is on... sex...

Regretfully, it had to end... he was starting to get clingy, asking why, where, when and who... had to let him go... he was forgetting... not to complicate issues...

I got up and strode across the room... time to make my move...

"Hi, I'm Anasenwa...."

Tyger in the convent's shadow

2008-06-27T05:03:00.000-07:00

I now live in a convent... what is hmmm? hen? you think i'm not holy enough? or i like boys pass?... no talk like that jo... i am now living in a convent... simple...

okay as a boarder! lol

for economic and aesthetic reasons, tyger has taken up board in this beautiful convent that runs a foyer for young ladies...

leave story.. them go look your face well.. say you no get devil spirit or look, no come spoil the daughters of mary wey dey inside...
anyway, to all you player haters... dem look my face... dem like am... dey give me room for 500 dollars a month! breakfast thrown in ... cheapest shit in this side of the world...lol

but.. you know as my mind dey work... i look all the sisters (dem no be like all those sisters we dey get for secondary school wey dey bitter and wicked o) dem all dey serene, and sweet... all atleast 60 years old ... and i dey think .... these people no dey do! chei! at all at all! chei!married to Jesus!

i know no o...
i ask one of them i say Sister Eliza, how long you being married to Jesus? she say 41 years my daughter!! yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, mo gbe... that place don close...

i no be like all of you na devil pikins, wey go dey talk say them nuns they sneak go 'do'...

you suppose see these people... you go know say 'do' no dey their body... wahala!... lol..

i still dey think am o...

if you love Jesus reach that kind put up your hand...
yeye girls and boys!

will i become like them?

2008-06-24T07:58:00.000-07:00

Tyger has moved location again... and right now i'm in Europe, hiding away in some international organisation...pretending to work...lol

When i was going to start here, i said to myself 'you have to dress well in this place o ha!' so like a headless chicken i ran to the stores again... and if you say anything about 'excuse to shop' i will slap you!.

Anyway, i resumed work in my nice 'half of one month's allowance suit' and looking good. in less than 6 hours i became aware of certain appalling facts.

1. these people dont do nothing - 30mins breakfast, 1 hour lunch... numerous breaks here and there ... there is actually a huge lounge for hobnobbing... and they all run home on the bendy bus 8.

2. it is a ministry! imagine ministry of health osogbo osun state or ministry of sports ibadan, now transport all those people to switzerland and give them tags to wear.

3. they are the worst dressers in the world... ohmegosh! i want to faint 10 times!...i'm not talking colour riot londoner kinda dressing o... that one can be artsy sometimes... i'm talking painful-bad-arse-terrible-give-you-an-headache-bad dressing.

in case you think Tyger don come again... exaggerating
here goes

1. ankara tucked inside levis 101 jeans.
2. trainers on nylon gown
3. bold print on strip trousers
4. pink waist coat, white trouser, puke green silk shirt and it was a guy!
5. knicker boggers!

its like they are stuck in 1985 and forgot to come out.... the women wear perms and rayon gowns... i try not to laugh... i was tempted to take pictures yesterday when i saw someone with his vest tucked into short knicker and a brigh peacock drawn on it waistcoat! what the...? awon mofo yi wanna kill me...

i know the pay is not what people on the outside love to think it is ... but men! it CANNOT BE THIS BAD NA!...

My fear has gone from not dressing well... to worrying that in a few days this people will not look funny any more and in a few weeks they will be normal looking and in two months they will start looking pretty... and then... i will be dressing like them? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

a letter to their association

2008-06-11T09:14:00.001-07:00

sometimes last year, a girlfriend got shot by armed robbers! for not exiting her car fast enough for them to steal.

They were going from car to car… and shooting everybody… shooting! What did they want exactly? Why couldn’t they just take the cars, the money and the jewelry? I’m sure nobody would resist them… Nigerians are now wise and very cooperative with these angels of death or should I say demons of death… cos heaven has nothing to do with this.

I want to scream at the top of my lungs… scream till I’m hoarse ‘TAKE EVERYTHING AND JUST LEAVE US ALONE!’ I wish they had an association, a representative body cos I would write them a letter. I would say

‘Dear Armed robbers and killers association of Nigeria, Lagos branch,

We know that you will rob us, that you will take from us what we have earned through hard labour, sweat and many hours of working late and on weekends.

We know, but we also know that nemesis will catch up with you! That one day your reign of terror will be over and we will fill the prisons with your filth and we will not practice social welfare in there! This is not the United Kingdom.

We will make your life hell for the many years of torment you have given us and employ every form of bureaucracy to ensure you serve your sentence twice over! Maybe even trice!.. if someone like me is in power… by then!

We know that you will snatch from us… but we ask that you snatch property… material things… please do not snatch our souls… do not take that which cannot be replaced… do not rob us and rob generations to come of wonderful mothers and fathers, of leaders; do not deprive the people at home of the hero in their lives… no matter how tired and burnt out we look, we are somebody’s hero and even for you we are the goose that lays the golden egg.

If you kill us all, who will you rob tomorrow?… think of these things carefully when you rob us. Do not kill your golden goose or gander… killing us adds no value to you, no monetary value, no benefit… zilch…

I’m aware that killing us might bring you some utility, some happiness… but it is transient and misplaced… you are happy because you think you have killed an oppressor! How foolish you are! Your oppressors ride in motorcades and have body guards… they oppress you and us! And use your brothers and sisters as their bodyguards. So your joy is misplaced, your utility is misdirected and our deaths uncalled for… can’t you see? Don’t you understand?… we are the evidence that you can also crawl out of the hole!… we are the result of hope, hard work and perseverance! It is possible our very existence tells you. Can’t you see that?
Oh I forgot! your face is covered with a pair of black socks! You cannot see anything!

All I say is this, leave us alone, take what you want but do not take our lives, you should be grateful that at least we accept your presence… for now’.

The main market for scrap metals was closed the week before so ‘all the boys’ have nothing to sell, no money to eat and so they are angry! So ?...

I so hate misdirected efforts… take your crude guns and marijuana induced anger and head to the state house, house of assembly.. the senate… take your anger to the right place… don’t come and shoot us and take the toys given to us by those who enslaved us in the name of work.

We get sacked too, laid off, after the organisational review by those smooth talking consultants! We don’t run around naked pulling out our hair and biting people… we try again! At something else.

I do not say it is good, that some people are hungry, unemployed or have nowhere to sleep… I do not say it is fair that there is so much inequality and so few opportunities that we all have to scramble for, but listen to me carefully; it doesn’t give you the right to kill…

Although this highly opinionated letter of mine is just a letter but i do hope it turns into a prayer of some sorts and may all my wishes for you in it come true.

With no Regards,

Tyger

I was tagged!

2008-05-21T13:20:00.000-07:00

The rules are:
1. Link the person who tagged you to this post
2. Mention the rules in your blog
3. Tell 6 unspectacular quirks of yours
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged
This meme is about any particular mannerism you have, ok?

I have been tagged by aloted so
lets fly:

1. i wake up to drink water in the middle of the night! who else does that? please tell me you all do!... i wake up, 2am, 3am with a patched throat 4 nights out of 5 and i must drink water before i go back to sleep. so there is always a bottle or glass of water near by bed.
2. i stutter! they say girls dont stammer only boys do... lie! i do something o... i repeat words a few times before they roll out ... especially when i'm excited.. it was quite bad growing up... but i have learn't to control it so i'll come across now as somebody who speaks very fast! wait till i'm all excited though then i revert!
3. i hate washing clothes! i hate washing clothes so much my hands shake when i do it
4. i wake up very slowly and perk up as the day goes by - i never understand why people want to grin and laugh in the morning!... i never get it.
5. I fantasize about me on a distant beach/Island with music playing, trees swaying and my white skirt bellowing… I’m always in white in that fantasy.
6.I love to see people in Love, and I love the whole idea of love, but I have a LTCD (long term commitment Disorder) and it scares me

i now tag - baroque, sagacite, ziariz, kunle says,

The Camera man

2008-05-16T15:55:00.000-07:00

I went to church today.. for a mid week service... first this year (dont even say anything) and it was good... but why am i here talking about this?

In my church and i think in a lot of churches, the sermon is usually filmed.

So someone was filming...and projecting it behind pastor... something i find quite distracting cos sometimes i watch out for myself - like... no show me o... no show me o abeg!... okay show me small!

Anyway, i was sitting there, the pastor came on... cameras were rolling and pastor trying to warm up the church said 'if you are with me, give me your most beautiful smile... so i kinda cocked my head to one side and decided to give my yahoozy grin instead... next thing the whole church was laughing... what's funny?... somebody tell me...
then i see i'm on the screen... i'm the reason they are laffing!
the mofo cameraman decided to project my 'yahoozee grin' on the screen!

to say i was embarrassed is quite an understatement! how can a whole church be laughing at my grin?... it is not funny business at all...

Then we settle down for the sermon that lasted exactly one hour (i almost died in fact) and somehow through it i saw flashes of my cardigan on the screen again...

so i tried to keep a straight face through the service...

Service ends and i rush for the door... guess what?
someone comes up to me and said 'you should buy today's sermon tape'
i said 'yeah yeah, it was a good one'
'you were on it so frequently, is the camera guy your friend or something?'
wha! wetin you talk? on it frequently ke?.. i saw flashes once or twice...

honestly you were

Okay... i replied... kinda lost now...

i make it to the door and then this lady smiles at me...
i smile back... 'you must have had fun today!' she said , 'you laffed so much'

'may 200 camels fart in the face of this camera man! which kind tory be this na!'

Tyger mews!

2008-05-04T06:30:00.000-07:00

I seek solace for my pains in the wrong hands
I seek answers to my questions in dark places that yield no fruit

The state of my mind is tumultuous and in transit.
I am surrounded yet abjectly aware that I’m alone
Anger, rage, dismay characterise the thoughts of my mind and the epileptic fit that is my emotions will not cease to rise and fall like the waves in tandem with the tides.
Sadness a friend, confusion is a relative, fear is an ally, together we dodge dark corridors and alleys in a strange search for precious rubbles.
Again and again like a dunce in primary six, I reseat the exams of life, my repeated failure no longer a thing of shame but of consternation.
My constant 'falling face down' now a source of benign dry humor, ‘you havent learnt the secret to success you fool!’ it seems to say.

I seek to understand life, my brethren, love, the important issues, all without avail, my pursuits only leave me bereft.
I am alarmed that i progress across this smelly river of indeterminate age with no understanding of where i go or why i embarked on the journey...

by the way, yesterday was my buffday...
hupiya buffday to me hey?

I dont understand

2008-04-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

I dont understand why girls come to the library in mini skirts and high heels...

I dont understand why some people stink so much - them no fit smell them selves?

I dont understand why i have to study - cant someone discover how to program the human brain with information?

I dont understand any of it....

I dont understand how anyone can use the loo and forget to flush! ... after doing MAJOR!... haba!

I dont understand why some men are so mean... and why some are so fickle....

I dont understand why people bore me and some people permanently irritate me...

I dont understand none of it....

And to crown it all...

I dont understand why i'm still single!

WHY AM I STILL SINGLE?

Travails of a traveller

2008-04-09T12:30:00.000-07:00

Why do they scrutinize your passport at immigrations and control across Europe the moment they see its a Nigerian passport - they are practically waiting for cocaine to start falling out!

Why do they spray insecticide on human beings in airplanes leaving Nigeria when we all know these thing has been repeatedly warned against and they dont try it in other countries?

How manage we still have only one terminal in the international airport in Lagos?

How do people manage to sleep and snore in a barely reclined aircraft chair in economy class?

Why do some Nigerians think its okay to take the crappy earphones and blankets when getting off airplanes?

Why does flying have to be such tedious business?

There must be an easier way of getting around na....

I'm hating all of it... and gladly bitching!...

Missing limb syndrome

2008-03-16T12:23:00.000-07:00

I am suffering from the missing limb syndrome...
my phone has been stolen yet sometimes i feel it vibrating from the pocket of my jacket!

E no go berra for the mofo that stole it o! honest! na sweat i take buy that phone na!

what a waste... all the numbers... gone! aristos, lovers, friends and barred nos alike... pshew... i feel bereaved!...lol....

Coming clean

2008-03-15T13:27:00.000-07:00

I have decided to come come clean...out of the closet...

Hello I'm Tyger and i'm a shophaholic

I would love to talk more about my valient efforts to stop shopping but i have to go now... there is this lovely pair of shoes i'm trying to hunt down...

Passive-aggressive people

2008-03-13T03:50:00.000-07:00

I don't understand why oyinbo people (this time i include everybody that is NOT black) are so passive aggressive... one of the nastier parts of being a student is having to do projects... na so so projects...small ones, big ones... assessed ones, unassessed ones... and the worst part is a good number of them are team projects.

Teacher - guys, this term, we have 2 projects to turn in and they are both team based projects (we?... which one be we? you no go write na!)... so you should choose partners - groups of 3 to 5, not more.. your write up will of course be separate please.

ahw! we don start again... this is why i like naija o... school is simple...
go to class...
copy note endlessly,
jollof...
exam time...
cram everything in your note...
finish! you don pass!...

but this place as you are doing project you are doing seminar as you are doing seminar you are doing workshop.... wahala!..... pshew!

Anyway i digress....

Before the lecturer even commot for class, na so this chinkanchwin run come meet me (no fall down o! tyger no fit carry person!)....

Chinkanchwin - Tyger, do you wanna be in our team, Jin jin (i swear na the name be that o) Periwaina (honest na them names)and i are forming a group for the project.

Tyg - okay make we do am...

Meeting after meeting com begin... na 5 page write up o, but them go wan discuss every line... and half way through the meetings i realise these girls practically hate each other...

Why you com form group na?.... this is what i call passive aggressive behaviour....

Through the meetings they proceed to attack each other... tacitly... jejely... without noise... sabotaging each other... they leave each other out of meeting schedules... mistakenly delete each other's work... tell lecturer your team member no dey interested... all the while them dey smile each other... awon oloshi...

Na wa o! i know understand all these people... why you na form group?.... i still dont understand...

Now Tyg dey the middle of it all

Periwaina take it easy, no bite Jinjin... Jinjin calm down... Periwaina didnt plan to leave you out of meeting schedule....

Abeg Chinkochwan no dey go jam lecturer behind team member backs again o! abi na!

I tire o!

2008-03-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

Ohmegosh! i've been gone for a month!... a whole month! okay i'm back i'm back i'm back... what's my name again... oh shuck!

Speaking from behind a dope screen

2008-02-12T07:00:00.000-08:00

It was a bad night...

Caffeine and a few other things not worth mentioning...

The sleep was bad ... the dream was worse...
nightmarish... all my fears came alive and spoke to me...

i was stranded on an island with my most annoying cousin

an island of muscular men - who were 3 foot tall...
and spoke a strange language... and laughed from their necks!

We all lived under the stairs...with the man that lived under the stairs!
since i was 5!

my home boy was dead... yet alive...
dying of bone racking cough...

My heart brother has a sore... in his leg...
and it is festering so badly...his toes are falling off!

My new interest forgot my name... and kept sneering at me...

I am banished to an island...

in the space between the roof and the ceiling...

dark and mysterious

and i can hear the voices...

ganjally speaking... caffeinerously thinking...

This is all blue...

I need to wake up...

I think its morning ... already!

I think you should know....

2008-01-22T15:58:00.000-08:00

that...
1. You should never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.

6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.. That time is age eleven.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth, Women are from earth.. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22.Never lick a steak knife.

23. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

27. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

28. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.

29. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers..

30. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

And before you think I'm genius... i did get this from somewhere... ain't telling you where though... yeah plagiarism wharrever.. you like this stuff don't you? lol

Doubledecker toaster (part 2)

2008-01-19T14:26:00.000-08:00

'So how is it going?' he said smiling at me. (please refer to part 1 if you are already confused).

'How is what going?' I'm thinking, so i just stare at him.

I mean your face is really familiar... do you live on Temple lane?

Ohmegod! i thought that line went out with the 90s! i looked around the bus, am i the only one hearing this?'

'No!' i now reply firmly.
'Okay then it must be the bus 344' he said nodding like a wise old man.
Osi gini?... what is all this na

i dont take the bus 344
i'm not even sure there is any such bus this side of london!..

'okay... but i'm sure i know you somehow and even if i dont i'd like to get to know you more better' he now said finishing smugly like he had just accomplished a feat.

you cant say ' more better' you cant speak English like that! now i really i'm screaming in my head.

'Say something' he prompted me, 'my name is Akeem! I'm from Nigeria!'

I so wish you would go away my mind voice says as rudely as it can

'I'm sorry, i don't want to have a conversation. i'm busy' i replied politely.

then he glanced down at my hand and saw the daily bible study.

Dear friends you would not believe what this guy did next!
' I know you are busy, but there is nothing God cannot do!, with God all things are possible'

i want to laugh! i want to laugh uproariously! but he will take it as encouragement so i turn to him with a straight face.

'No please'

'Okay can i have your phone number?' he persists

'No you cannot! i dont want to give you my number, please leave me alone!'

' i know there is nothing God cannot do , but its okay' and he shrugs and leaves.

The buses in london have become unsafe for a girl...

my doubledecker toaster

2008-01-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning i set out for school... i was running late,i've been doing this running late thing since school resumed this year. i still cant get myself back on the normal clock, so i wake up a tad late, do everything else in a rush and still miss all the right buses... i've even gone to school with my hair looking like the venue of a bloody chicken fight... this very term... bad start abi...pshew!

Anyway, i crammed some dry baguette in my mouth... swallowed coffee and ran out of my flat...dragging on my heavy jacket on the way.

As i approached the bus stop, this guy started grinning at me from afar like i was a long lost 20 pound bill!... ahah.. do i know this man?.. who be this? early momo, grinning like this?.. all the same, no biggy... some people like doing colour solidarity... but i didnt smile back o... his grin was too big for my liking...so i stuck my earphones in my ears... let Macy Gray do her thing...

The bus came less than a minute later... phew! i woulda missed it again if i had waited just a bit. i got on the bus...my favourite seat was empty... the one at the very front... on the upper deck... with all that leg space.. now Aretha Franklin is crooning in my ears.. i think today will be nice...i will get to class on time and my hair is looking peaceful...

In the spirit of my new year resolutions, i bring out my daily bible reading... make i read this thing... i have already missed so many days as the book just come from naija... and i am going to be a noice kid this year o... for all you playa haters out there...

verse for today - love your neighbours...

'Excuse me, can i seat here?' mr grinner is standing there, pointing at the seat beside me...

'sure' i nod " no follow me yarn this morning o...i never read this love your neighbour thing finish so no expect me to practice it yet. you look like a serial killer!'

i'll be right back guys...

This year 2008

2008-01-04T14:27:00.000-08:00

This 2008... its gonna be fly....
i'm gonna eat breakfast before 12 noon and dinner before 10pm
i'll keep in touch with all my great friends and remember all birthdays
i'll pay my tithes on time and go to church midweek and sundays
this year is sure gonna be fly...

i'll love the library a little more, and Zara's a little less
i'm gonna chase down a good job, not that gold and blue shoe at Faith's
i'll even turn in my essays way before they are due...
let me tell you this year's gonna be fly

i wont do stalking or call any dude endlessly
i wont do no loving unless he loves me first...
so i'll give that quiet dude a chance and stop saying its too weird
this year i'm gonna fall in love... and stay in love...
no falling out... no saying good bye
this year... up there...fly!

ohhhhh... i love 2008 already!

My wish list

2007-12-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

I saw a wish list on Unnaked's spot and i'm making one too!

I wish that my brother would get that amazing job; he is searching so hard, i'm worrying so much...

that dodo will go where he wants to go and love it while he's there...

I wish to make someone deliriously happy, make that someone laugh, smile, sleep and wake up with a smile, a spring in step, a twinkle in the eyes...

i wish that someone will try to make me feel deliriously happy and loved

that love would find me and not take me into a dark alley this time... but into a sunny warm room.

I wish that i would finish my program with amazing grades,finish my many scribblings and push them into the light of day... and then say 'there! i've gone and done it now!'

I wish i could master the languages i'm struggling with and stop saying gracie when i want to say arriverderci!

I wish i would make new friends like the ones i've had before

I wish the naira would gain more value and and our leaders more conscience

I wish they would stop fighting in the middle east - and just give the rest of us a break!

First comer rights!

2007-12-01T02:35:00.000-08:00

I've been foolish for so long...
cos i've had you right under my nose... but now i know....
that's its been you all this while....
so I hope your girlfriend breaks up with you, then i can have you .... back!

I met you first, twenty years ago... i should have first comer rights ... some form of priority...

Why you staying with her? she doesn't like your playstation and cant cook your favourite meal...
she thinks 'Die hard' is a dumb movie and wont sing along to Micheal Jackson's 'Beat it'

I hope the b..ch breaks up with you... then we can go back to us.
Remember that we agreed, that if we were single when one of us clocks 30 we would get married?
Oh you dont remember?.... forgot to tell you about that agreement i think... it was a silent one... a gentleman's agreement mind you, still as binding as any!

So you have a few more months to that and i hope you are single by then...

What is wrong with you anyway?
She's always screaming at you....

What is wrong with you na?
Cant you see through her?

She doesn't even like your mama and thinks you are childish to like ludo!

I'm your first kiss, even if it was slobbery and inside a wardrobe!
You told me everything... and I did too...

Don't you want to be with someone who knows you?
and accepts you exactly like you are?
your own niggy... since forever?

What is wrong with you man?
You refuse to use your eyes!

What is wrong with you dude?
Cant you see i care?

Have cared forever?
and all this pimping is for you?

Pshew! Life's a b...tch!

it is probably me

2007-11-23T05:56:00.000-08:00

These days i sense a change ....
a change in the morphology of who i am....
i walk down the street and wonder if that man is I
or maybe the lady in the blue scarf

if you see a child in knee high boots, left hand in a bag of potato chips it is probably I....

Or a lady in a black autumn coat, her kinky hair in communion with the drizzling rain... it is probably I....

Maybe a fella in a fedora... pulled to cover his eyes...
or the teenager in an ivory puffer pretending to be in the depths of winter...

Hey! or that old lady... intent on getting the best of the food shelf at Marks and Spencer... whao! could that be me?

What about that lady... the cappuchino colored one with an ipod molesting her ear drums... that could be me too!

I wonder which is Me?

11 people i've met in the last 8 weeks

2007-11-20T15:07:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry i've been silent for a while now....
I hereby repent
I've been spending the last 8 weeks adjusting to a new environment amongst other things... and meeting people... yes i have met so many people in the last two months its almost crazy.
So this post is about the people i have met in the last 8 weeks....
The names are all real... lets hope i dont get beat up!

Tiffany - Chinese, cute (she's actually tiny) loves chocolates and the library...

Kate - Canadian, in my study group... cant think of anything else to say.. but she says we are friends.

Prithwiraj - Indian, doctor, under pressure to marry his new girlfriend and so totally spooked...lol... the girl is handing out an ultimatum

Jay - Rebel, refuses to own a wristwatch, a phone or a laptop,eats like a horse... dresses like one too!...loves jacket potatoes and anything that looks like food...

Joan -South Korean, smokes like crazy, fashionista... i mean if someone can look chic in vomit coloured jacket no be fashionista be that?

Natasha - German/American, pretty... always always cleaning the apartment, keeps John Lewis and Selfridges in business by shopping there constantly

Denan -Another chinese, flatmate - sneaks her boyfriend in and out of the apartment ... lest we know he sleeps over!...lol... oloriede!

Monique - Jamo!.... i dey fear this ones o... my seminar team member.. you should see her afro.... rushing for the heavens!

Lucas - drop dead gorgeous Brazilian boy ... gaze at him when lecture get boring!

Lindsay & Daniel - I have lumped them together cos they are one to me... noisy attention seeking juveniles i am forced to endure 3 days of the week. if she could make a question out of 'My name is Lindsay' she probably would!

Lebanese guy in the corner shop - the guy dey give me discount... i dey collect... one day one day... hmmm ...make this kind awof no com run belle.

If any of these people get to read this.... my bad.... but i aint apologising for nothing.

Another list

2007-10-27T12:17:00.001-07:00

Got this from Mrs Somebody.... and liked it

Accent: Nija

Booze: Mango juice

Chore I Hate: Washing clothes

Dogs/Cats: Dogs... forever

Essential electronics: laptop

Favourite Perfume: Pleasures by Estee Lauder, 360 degrees woman - Perry Ellis

Gold/Silver: Gold

Hometown: Osun

Insomnia: Nope!

Job title: Postgraduate Student

Kids: Not yet

Living arrangements: A room in a flat

Most admired trait: My bum

Number of sexual partners: aint telling

Overnight hospital stays: Yes.......when i was a kid and behaving like ogbanje

Phobia: blindness

Quote:"beyond the alps lies Italy"

Religion: Christianity

Siblings: 4 (1 sister, 3 brothers )

Time I usually awake: About 7 a.m these days

Unusual talent: i never forget faces

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Broccolli

Worst habit: thinking hard about too many things

X-rays: a few times

Yummy foods I make: fried noodles, egusi soup, efo riro, fried rice, barbacued fish

Zodiac sign: Taurus(yeah mad cow)

I'm tagging sagacite, afrobabe, unnaked, baroque, boorish, kokolette

Some strange things

2007-10-17T07:50:00.000-07:00

Some strange things

Girls in mini skirts riding bicycles...

Boys in skin tight jeans... sagged... showing old ugly underwear...

Dogs with human intelligence at work...

Humans with dog intelligence ... necking in the tube...

Young men... rolling weed on a london bus...

Children shedding diapers for acts of astounding violence...

2pac in a 3 year old's body....

Many strange things

20 Things i'm thankful for

2007-10-01T05:46:00.000-07:00

1. My existence – abi if I no dey nko?... how I for do
2. The love of God for me – I no know why the guy send me so
3. Salvation – yes o… so be careful how you deal with me.. toughest homie is on my side
4. The gifts in me – I’m talented, gifted…no be me… na God
5. Testimonies and answered prayers
6. Prayers left unanswered – forget the stupid things I have asked God for!
7. For heart healing again and again
8. My mind – great, sound, slightly off center… unique
9. Good health – forget say I dey sniff… I dey okay
10. My parents
11. My awesome siblings – strange but awesome all the same
12. The people who love me – holla out to my peeps o – ijebz you no dey there o
13. The lessons life insists on teaching me
14. My nationality – Nija for eva… Solidarity for eva…
15. My childhood
16. The opportunity of an education
17. My first job
18. My body
19. The perfect opportunity I have been given to live my dreams
20. That I am who I am and not any other way!

My 21 words in a sentence

2007-09-17T04:29:00.001-07:00

Now i'm putting the 21 words from my last post in a sentence

Hiya - Hiya there, how you doing?

Ijebz - my hypertech nigga... the best thing in a long time... this dude i'm trying to chance..lol

love - this mean guy has cornered me again, beating the shit outta me!

Kosoro fun e - he says this all the time

Ibadan - someone here can disown me o (but oloun maje!)

Health - that thing we refuse to improve in this country!

British Council - the office of our colonial masters who refuse to go home

Economics - the one course i think i would have walked through in college (liar!)

Policy i no know why i dey think this one...

Mumsy - ah! mami o....

money - heaps of this might help

Dupe - if dreams were horses...

School - i wanna go back here

Sex - ha! chocolate sugar pudding pie! - much ado about little

Gbagada - home!

Maryland - eldorado

Apami da ese mi da - the linking of two souls through the conjoining of arms and legs (i dey speak grammar o)

London - another lagos... hustle bustle... central london.... houghton street

Shopping - i'm a shopaholic now!

Office - one place i never miss

21 words in my Head

2007-09-11T10:24:00.000-07:00

21 words that dance around in my head... they wont leave me alone or go away

Hiya

Ijebz

Love

Kosoro fun e

Ibadan

Health

British Council

Economics

Policy

Mumsy

Money

Dupe

School

Sex

Gbagada

Maryland

Apami da ese mi da

London

Shopping

Office

The Wind that blew back

2007-09-04T01:25:00.000-07:00

The Wind
Like a wind through blogsville, you travel without strife
A whiff of you, a fragrant awareness of your presence
We were just able to feel the heady essence of you
Iska – the wind
Your journey was like the winds’ a sojourner without need
A faint fragrance of you, the knowledge that you passed
Is all that strikes my mind
Iji - the wind
Your posts proceeds as wind, stranger frail as reed
Blowing across blogsville, in vain we implored you to stay
Our hearts called out to you….
And bang! You blow back our way
Iska, Iji…

Thanks for coming back

And the Tyger roars poetic!

2007-08-16T12:10:00.000-07:00

Abused
He called me
Then he hit me
The house is empty
And it’s just him and I
He grabbed me
Then he kissed me
The fear filled my heart,
Cos I’m only 8

He boxed me
Then he crushed me
I lash out and howl
Cos I’m in pain
He pulls my ear
Then says it’s my fault
That he’s doing this
But I’m only 8

He pushes me,
Then he kicks me
He won’t let me be
Leaves me shaky with fear
He slaps me
Then puts his hand up my blouse,
Fingers up my skirt
Yet I’m only 8

He smacks me,
Then shouts at me
Says I’m a she devil
Who will end up in hell
He’s abusing me
And molesting me
He’s my uncle
And I’m only 8

My Childhood and Yours
My childhood is over and so is yours
The innocent times have ended and we have closed the doors
You can’t play in the rain lest we fall in the drains
and show off ourselves as adults without brains
My childhood is over and so is yours,
Your easy days are gone and carefree has closed the shutters
We can’t seat in sand and mold Royal lands
lest we stain our gabs of expensive yarns
My childhood is over and so is yours,
Our happy days are contrived and love’s skylight’s ajar
We can’t stretch our hands and get needs on demand
From our best friends and those we inadvertently command
My childhood is over and so is yours

I drove a Cab!

2007-08-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

Even though I have decided not to write about my day to day life on this blog, I cannot resist this particular episode.

I started off this week, this morning by driving a cab!

How did a female business consultant in a smart grey suit on her way to work end up driving a yellow cab?....
I am laughing as I remember this thing and try to narrate it.

This morning, I left home at 6.15 to get a cab to take me to work at Victoria Island; and the hold up was already building with alarming rapidity by the time I got a cab.

We meandered our way up third mainland bridge where surprisingly there was no hold up and with delight we careened down the bridge at Muson Centre, right past Tafawa Balewa Square, past Broad Street cutting out at Marina and there we joined a stand still holdup … we lost all the good time we had made and at some point I began to doze… in a bid to prevent myself from fretting… it was a quarter to 8.
We had moved about 15 feet in 25 minutes when the driver called my attention,

“Ah aunty, aunty I’m not okay at all o”
“What is wrong now?”
“Ah aunty I want to shit o…. now now….”
“Ah! Now now like how? Do it after you have dropped me now”
“Aunty I cannot wait any more o…. I have been holding it since… since we climbed third mainland bridge o…. but this hold up is too much…. I cannot hold it anymore”
“I have to get to work! I am running late…. How can you want to do that now now… I don’t understand o”
“Aunty, can an adult like myself come and shit on myself?.... allow me to beg those people in that coca cola depot to let me use their toilet o”
“You will now leave the car in the hold up?.... try and change to the side lane then so you can park further down or something” I grumbled
“Aunty I cannot wait that long o… please…. Can you drive?.... help me be moving the car small small I will meet you in front”
“osi gini?.... I should drive your taxi?.... I should be moving your taxi?”
“Yes aunty, shebi you can drive…. Please aunty”

Next thing the guy is jumping out of the cab and I am jumping into the driver seat of a yellow cab in a hold up in Lagos in broad day light!
Oh me God! I began to laugh at myself….
As I moved the cab forward…. I heard a few people in other cars begin to laugh and snigger…
One guy on the road side called out ‘Taxi … Oshodi’ at me….. Didinrin!
Would you believe I had barely moved the car two feet when my phone began to ring,
“Tyger is that you?”
“What happened to good morning, I thought….
“Is that me where? I asked innocently.
“This is Jumoke and I can see someone that looks like you driving a yellow cab”
“A woman driving a yellow cab?... how can? I replied laughing.
“In fact it is you, I am sure…. Why now, where is the driver?”
“lol…. Please there is lastma down the road… biko I have to go”

I moved the cab some more and the phone rings again…. Stupidly I pick again.
“Hello Tyger, good morning”
Ah someone else with some more manners.
“This is Bolaji, are you the one I can see driving a taxi?”

Suddenly the whole world can see me!!!!
The day I was cruising my friend’s ‘end of discussion’ and the day I drove another friend’s lovely convertible, nobody saw me…. Not a soul called my phone to say ‘babe I can see you, you are tight o’…. but I start the engine of a yellow cab and my phone is going haywire on me…. God dey!!

Anyway, I drove the cab some more before the cab driver came running, grinning from ear to ear.
“Aunty, Thank you, I don come o”

So I go back to my back seat, my chick rep in tatters…. After driving a yellow cab in broad daylight!

Completing Sentences

2007-07-13T06:50:00.000-07:00

I am …short-sighted
My ex-boyfriend was …a consultant (like me!)
Maybe I should …resign (yeah I’m a lazy arse, say wharrever you like)
I love …chocolates (I don’t even wanna share!...that’s how much)
I don't understand..... Financials, I think I’ve said that before somewhere
I lost my.... contact lens (and so I’m in this goggles)
My current boyfriend is …incognito (didn’t you see my advert?)
People say I'm ….weird
Love is …a bully, takes you into a dark corner when no one is looking and beats the shit outta you!
Somewhere, someone is…deliriously happy
I will always... love books
Forever is.... beyond my comprehension
I never want to… be ill
I think the current President is…. Strange looking
When I wake up in the morning…. I check the time duh!
Life is full of… surprises, good and nasty ones
My past is incredibly…. and annoyingly normal
I get annoyed when…. I’m kept waiting
Parties are for...fun
Girls are ...complex
Sex is…. Too much ado about little
I wish... I didn’t have to work (yeah say it again…. I’m a lazy child…You can’t move me on this one)
Tomorrow I'm going to….. babysit!
I really want some…. Food! I dey hungry jare
I have low tolerance for people who…. are cruel
If I had a million dollars... I would see the world and go shopping
My job makes me…. Mind-blowingly tired

My Advert - I need a Boyfriend

2007-07-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

I am tired of waiting for the right man to come to me…. I am tired of paying attention to seemingly right men who later prove me wrong…. I am interested only in the right individuals and after much deliberation I have decided to put up an advert so that only men who fit this profile… men o… no boys abeg… should apply within. This advert is valid for only 2 weeks after posting.

I need a nice young man who can hug and cuddle on demand… who will be available for bonding sessions – sessions spent together in my place, his place, and wherever catches our fancy, who is willing to seat through a few mushy movies, call and receive calls incessantly and at odd hours, not older than 35, single, not weird, no tattoos… minimal bad habits… no present or future gay tendencies and with manageable emphasis on s..x’…

My Wall Quilt

2007-07-10T03:45:00.000-07:00

An older cousin of mine made a wall quilt on which she inscribed ‘success awaits Tyger’.
The quilt hung on the wall in our sitting room. Everyday, I would go and stand by the wall to look up at the quilt. I would mouth it silently, sometimes I would even climb the single setter settee under the quilt to reach up and touch the quilt. I would trace the dark indigo threads of the inscription while still mouthing its message ‘Success awaits Tyger’.
The quilt was making a statement, it was not a prayer, a question, a hope or a suggestion, it was a statement of fact; a categorical sentence of certainty specific to me. My older cousin in her wisdom as an adult was not saying ‘ Tyger may be a success’ or ‘Success may come to Tyger’ or ‘Tyger should be a success’ or even ‘Success awaits You’ with ‘You being anyone reading the quilt.
She was saying as a matter of fact that ‘Success awaits Tyger’. In my young mind, my cousin being an adult must know….and yes she knew…. And was saying because she knew ’Success specifically awaited Me’ it was waiting for ‘me’ out there and all I had to do was grow up, reach out and touch success.
So I believed the message on my quilt and everyday as the dark blue thread of the inscription faded and even broke in places from age and constant caress, my belief grew stronger.
I thought, I believed it, I lived it, I acted it, I talked it, and I worked and made every effort with the constant awareness that ‘Success awaits Tyger’
My success was a certainty and nothing could take this from me. This did not encourage me to lie back and relax in a ‘let it come to me’ attitude rather it fuelled my desire to be, to live a life of achievement, to rise above challenges, to fall 6 times and rise 7 times.
How can I stay down when success awaits me probably around the next corner? I desired, wished to prove my quilt right and despite the fact that all the threads of my quilt came off and my blue wall hanging ended its life in the waste bin, its stitches are permanently sewn in my mind influencing the workings of it.
‘Success awaits Tyger’

Rules of Engagement - Part 2

2007-07-09T01:50:00.000-07:00

The rest of the rules...

9.
We still like some modern chivalry!(all that women liberation /chivalry is dead thing is not all true… right? There are just a few women out there messing it up for the rest of us who really do like to have doors held open for us). So be a gentleman - Open the door for her, find out what she wants to eat and order it for her. For example, "She'll have the savoury rice with chicken in tomato sauce."
When walking through crowds, walk slightly ahead and make the way for her.
Walk on the side of the curb when walking streetside.
All these will come together to affect the overall image of you. We don’t expect it but we so love it when we get it.

10.
While still on the ‘chivalry is not dead’ lane, Accept and pay for the bill. Obey the rule of who pays - the man. I have placed a fullstop after ‘the man’ to say basically 'no story'; don’t argue it.
You can't go dutch with a woman you fancy… never! Unless she is caught and reeled in. To hell with women's liberation; that is one gift the women left unwrapped. If you are the man, and I am sure you know how to tell, you will be footing the bill, unless otherwise arranged before the date.

11.
Don't drink too much on a date. Of course, you're nervous, but when you drink too much, you will be sloppy and say stupid things, and we don’t really want to end up with a lush or know from the first date we are gonna be loving a lush.

12.
If you are going to pay a compliment, be sincere (‘you look nice’ is no compliment it is general… ‘I like your shoes’ or ‘your hair looks good’ are both better… they are specific) and don't focus so much on the physical it might set off the alarms… you don’t have to make it so obvious where you are gunning for… brodas keep in mind that it is easy to be impressed with a man that is impressed with you.

13.
Don't talk about your ex, her ex, your mother, or your medications if you are on any. Sympathy won’t get you anywhere yet because we don’t care that much yet… on the first date.

14.
If you are going to be funny, be funny without being crude… it is an art … however, with some ladies, it might be okay… its your show…

Now let’s assume, the first date was a success –

15.
If you say you will call… please do so. If you don't, you're a liar and a jerk - expect to be treated like one. Make the call the next day or two days later, 3 days or more is bull!

16.
When you make the first call, please introduce yourself, do not expect her to automatically remember you; this call is a casual call and should not last beyond 10 minutes; you may at this time express your intent to call again later in the week with plans for a date.

17.
If you decide to do a second, third and fourth date, then note that our sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers are off-limits…. We will not totally forgive you if you go there.

18.
And our best friend is a no-no too!

Rules of Engagement - Part 1

2007-07-03T00:37:00.000-07:00

Boorish Male drew up a rule of engagement from the guys to the girls some days back and I have waited for him, even encouraged him to write something from the sistas to the guys….
However it seems Boorish has so far been unable to get into our skins and see where it hurts…. Lol…..so I’m helping him. Unfortunately there are more rules to the ladies… we get wahala!

Note: These rules apply only to a man woman relationship, dating in any other form is not catered for by these rules, and if you choose to modify them to meet your bizarre needs, you are totally on your own

1.
Firstly, Sex changes every rule. Any form of sexual alliance may in some cases modify the rules.
2.
Every rule has an exception or two or three.
3.
Never be late for a date…. Never, ever for a first day, we will not appreciate it nor respect you for it and excuses make it worse. Call before hand if you cannot avoid being late and if you don’t show up at all don’t expect a second chance…although you might get one (we are mad that way)
4.
Dress nicely – we notice… and as nasty as this may sound it is true – we love to accessorize and show off…. and whether she'll admit it to you or not, you are an accessory. Other women will judge her on her choice. A clean, good-smelling man with well-fitting clothes is a real prize.
5.
Make conversation – there is nothing that makes it work for us more than someone who can climb on our wavelength…

6.
Remember our interests - Unless we have professed a fanatical love of sports, don't think of having the date in a sports bars where you can then watch a game over dinner and have a half hearted dinner – (ko le work!)
7.
Looking at other women in the course of a date is an offence punishable by date death… so darling, make eye contact… a lot. And smile - in a friendly way. Please don't leer…
8.
Be you. Don’t try to impress us with tales of big money, kicking someone's butt, or fast cars, we will see through you and that will put a chip in all the impression you are trying to make… even if we are impressionable by these things, don’t try so hard, if its there we will see it.

101 Things

2007-07-02T07:33:00.000-07:00

Bang! we are in the month of July... and i'm starting off this month by telling my peeps 101 things about me (yeah yeah i dont do round figures...there has to be that extra 1 to kill the mediocrity)...
So here goes
Have fun

101 things about Me

1. I like my second name more than my first name and I'm still trying to adjust to my Christian name which I think is so un-me.
2. I like cooking and watching others eat what I have cooked
3. I eat in small portions and will rather snack on my food
4. I bore easily
5. I take a long time making up my mind then changing it is so tough, you’ll end up thinking I’m mega mean or mega tough.
6. I cried when I watched ‘Hotel Rwanda’
7. I cried when I read “The Concubine"
8. I cry when I watch movies about the holocaust (No one knows this until now... yea tell the world, whatever rocks your boat)
9. I always wish I could do things myself (I just feel no one can do it better regardless that I have to talk myself into getting it done.)
10. There is something about my body guys can’t seem to get over… irritating sometimes
11. I wish secretly to fall in love (and know while I’m in it not after my heart is broken)
12. Sometimes I love being alone in my house
13. I love chocolates & ice Cream (and I luckily have no missing teeth yet)
14. I'm somewhere between 5.5 feet and 5.6 feet but nobody believes it cos I look shorter
15. I’m short –sighted
16. I get lost in my thoughts all the time
17. I analyze everything
18. I love to see people in Love, and I love the whole idea of love, I have a LTCD (long term commitment Disorder) and it scares me … aint women supposed to want to be in it forever.
19. I have an awesome memory and say awesome all the time
20. I wake up slow and perk up as the hours fly and by 5pm I'm in full swing.
21. I forgive people easily and forget the actual crime, however, I rarely forget the pain and I’m wary after that
22. I think bearing a grudge is a whole lot of effort
23. I like to debate a lot (about everything, and I mean everything)
24. I fantasize about me on a distant beach/Island with music playing, trees swaying and my white skirt bellowing… I’m always in white in that fantasy
25. I love Denzel Washington….I think he's gorgeous
26. I love babies for about 15 minutes after meeting them then I start wondering what the hulla ballo is all about
27. I love driving fast
28. I like justifying everything
29. I plan to keep a wild cat (like a tiger) cos it reminds me of myself a lot
30. I butt- watch – strictly guys though
31. I people watch
32. I have dreams of my flying without wings…. I run powerfully for a short distance and then lift off like something from x-men especially when I'm escaping from terrible monsters - still can't figure out why they are attracted to me.
33. I knew how to drive in my dream long before I learnt how to drive. Always getting into strange cars in my dream and driving off
34. I love a guy with a great dentition (just can’t help it)
35. I don't like people interpreting stuff and saying light 2million candles and read 5billion Psalms.
36. I don't drink but sometimes I wanna smoke….
37. I love the smell of cigarettes and better still scented cigars…
38. I hate been told what to do like it’s a bloody command
39. I hate been idle… it gets me thinking loony.
40. I have some really weird thoughts…. Would never share them I think.
41. I finished reading the bible once Gen - Rev, and I got the Holy Ghost awareness … I think its fading though
42. Sometimes I have dreams and I'm blind in them and struggling to get my eyesight back (no wonder I wear glasses)
43. I’m annoyingly generous
44. Despite that, I’m so bloody self-centered
45. God! I love myself. (Yea, blow me)
46. I tend to be arrogant in a very polite way (how's that?)
47. I hate offending people by default (but don't push me)
48. I once thought Santa Claus was real.
49. I write novels, started writing when I was 9 by that time everybody was tired of listening to my never ending stories.
50. I missed been a child… it was a wunnaful experience
51. I like reading weird books about nothing especially by British authors… I think they have a quirky sense of humor
52. I like reading…. All and everything except serious stuff like political books or histories
53. Aint shy one bit
54. I love buying shoes; I've never had enough… never will
55. I used to see things when I was younger… not anymore don't know whether that's good.
56. I dream things before they happen
57. I freaked out my siblings with my dreams
58. My new hobby is blogging and blog surfing... i'm so addicted!

59. I love soppy romantic movies (yeah warrever!)
60. I think I'm going to end up with someone totally different from me!
61. I conceal my weaknesses
62. I have been accused of having eyes that promise and promise.. you looking at them now... what you think?
63. I laugh when I watch funny movies… you’re thinking who doesn’t?... you’ll be shocked.
64. I don't watch horror movies I can't see the point- why get scared over what's make belief)
65. I love dogs
66. I hate noisy and dirty environment
67. I love heights
68. I’m a sucker for confident kind men
69. I had my first kiss when I was 17 years and a few weeks and it just got me all confused and weird)
70. I’m annoyingly cynical
71. I used to chew my nails
72. I hate it when people make me act crazy towards them (stop making me hate myself…ggrrrrhhhh)
73. I had my first crush on a guy called Babatunde who left for the US shortly after we got talking
74. I hope to live in a village in Spain and write… or Rio de Janeiro
75. I love taking sugared drinks, I'm soft on sprite and currently working on my sugar intake
76. I'm genotype AA and blood group B+
77. I tried learning how to mastubate…couldn't make sense of it though
78. I was a sickly child and almost coughed myself to death
79. I was born premature about 6 weeks ahead of time
80. I love being independent (being doing that since I was 10)
81. I love dancing... now that is not synonymous with I know how to dance… so don’t go assuming
82. I can’t be bothered with politics... Seriously
83. I'm simple and at the same time complicated and few people understand me well
84. I hate been cut off in the middle of a thought process
85. I love watching cartoons
86. Financials stump me
87. I love having a good laugh
89. I laugh everyday, regardless
90. I dream of the Ideal Relationship
91. I’m so so tired of my job
92. I can't be bothered about football.
93. I love fashion
94. I’m starting my own label soon
95. I love anything trendy
96. I have colour phases; I’m in a red phase now!
97. I love paintings, I have been touched by some seemingly weird ones
98. I love dressing up
99. And Gash! do I love perfumes
100. I day dream a lot
101. I adore me!

No fear of you

2007-06-26T04:39:00.000-07:00

Even though i agree with a friend of mine who said poems are the thoughts of a self absorbed individual for another self absorbed individual to dwell on, i still write poems... and today i'm hitting you with one of em...

I have No Fear of You

I have no fear of you, who comes without request
making a merry jest of the rich man’s bequest.
You have kept abreast of all those in their youth,
and make sure to arrest those we think are best
Whose loved ones gnash their teeth at your cruel test

I have no fear of you who takes those without quest
and tell those with pursuits, who dream of great conquest
that you will end their zest, and turn their dreams awry.
You steal across the east and fly in through the west,
Touching the lives of men, with no plans to digress

I have no fear of you who leave men in distress
and race through quiet homes, with sorrow to infest.
You raid through golden nests and leave soot in your wake,
strong hearts and minds you beat, leaving them depressed
You are heinous and strange; of this I must attest

I have no fear of you, whose name men with fear suggest
too afraid to say, for fear you might in them invest
an interest you’ll express in quick acts of response.
Response that proves fatal, like the wheels of a night express
Indeed you are full of spite, this being we all detest

I have no fear of you… death - dark king of the night
Who wears a robe of tears, mourning your vest,
You bring tightness to the chests of those in fear of you,
but now I call your name, and dare you me divest
cos I have no fear of you, I refuse to be oppressed.
Death I have no fear of you.

For Men

2007-06-26T00:50:00.000-07:00

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like . ..Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. .Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ... Commercials.... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... .Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little w hile.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ....... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

MAKEUP 101 – Making the best of your looks (Part 2)

2007-06-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

Eye Makeup

Hello Sistas,
How did your practice with part 1 go?... was it useful.. did you understand it?... do let me know how it went... so now on to Part 2
Personally I find eye makeup (eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara) the most fun type of makeup and I would say it is the part I’d rather not do without.

Eyeliner: Eyeliner belongs on the base of your lids, and its purpose is to enhance the size and shape of your eyes. Some people also like to line the bottom of their eyes, which really has a dramatic effect.
It comes in many different colours and forms, including pencil and powder (ideal for a "natural" look), and cake and liquid (for a more "dramatic" look). Any colour would do if pencil or powder as long as you can blend. However for the liquid and cake I’d say stick with black or brown (maybe I am conservative though).
When lining your lid with the liquid liner, you may choose to line only the upper lid, but do finish the line. Lining just half of the eye has a minimizing effect which can also be off.
Start lining from the inside of your lid and continue along the entire lash line to the outermost corner for your right eye, and start from the outside and draw the line inward for your left eye – this is if you are right handed. It is of course vice versa if you are left handed.
Extending your black liquid liner beyond the outside corner of your eyes however is a No No! It will only give you a harsh outdated look, brown liner drawn a bit past the eye is okay.

Eyeshadow: Eyeshadow goes on each entire lid and sometimes in the space between your lids and your eyebrows.
It comes in a variety of colours and also several different forms, including cream (good for dry skin), matte (good for oily skin), and pencil (good for all types of skin).
Your blusher should not double as eye –shadow (I bet I caught you there).
It's almost never a good idea to match your eye shadow colour to your eye colour it would have no effect at all; in general, colours that contrasts with eye colour work better.

Mascara: Mascara only used to be available in black, but nowadays you can find it in all sorts of colours, so while black mascara was used for the sole purpose of making your eyelashes stand out without calling attention to the fact that you have mascara on, coloured mascara is now used to make a bold statement. If you choose coloured mascara, I’d recommend that you stick to darker colours like navy blue or brown, forget sky blue, green and such, they are just too unnatural.
Mascara comes in a wand with a tube; there are straight wands, and there are curved wands however I have been unable to differentiate much in the effect offered by both shapes.
The best way to achieve thick lashes is to do several thin coats of mascara. If you experience clumping, wipe the excess mascara from your brush with a tissue.
Don’t jab your mascara into the tube so savagely…just take it nice and slow… push it in… turn it around a few times… there… you are ready to sweep your lashes!

P.S – Do have your eyebrows professional shaped (a large number of beauty salons now offer this service. You can then maintain the eyebrow yourself.

Hope to hear from you on your experiments and practice with Makeup 101 (Part 1 and 2)

3 Things

2007-06-14T03:18:00.001-07:00

Unnaked soul did the 4 things version in his October 2006 blog but i am giving you my 3 things version..lol... I seem to enjoy this kinda madness... :-)

THREE JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Interior Decorator
2. Medical Microbiologist
3. Business Analyst/Consultant

THREE FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1. A healer/Magiker
2. A military general in the Roman Empire
3. A countessa - the mistress of a military general (if i can rule in front i can rule from behind the scene ... lol)

THREE MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. 300
2. The Gladiators
3. Sweet November

THREE CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN
1. Abeokuta, Nigeria
2. Ibadan, Nigeria
3. Lagos, Nigeria

THREE TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Friends
2. Sex and the city
3. I can’t think of a third one now leave me!

THREE PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO
1. Warri, Nigeria
2. London, UK
3. Accra, Ghana

THREE WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1. Google.com
2. Blogspot.com
3. Office website ofcourse – you can’t go anywhere without starting here.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. Rice (fried, jollof… chinese… wharrever!)
2. Sphagetti
3. Chips and fish

THREE THINGS YOU WON'T EAT
1. Human Meat
2. Shit
3. What can be worse than these two (okay the maggot in shit!)

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW
1. Lemon Spiced Chicken
2. Iced Coke and lime
3. Chewing Gum – I am feeling sleepy!

THREE THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A Bed
2. A dresser
3. Pink and Violet Curtains

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A deep pink rug
2. A bathroom with a Jacuzzi
3. More Clothes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Very Irresistable by Givenchy
2. Black trousers
3. A cardigan

THREE PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. On my couch at home
2. Spain
3. Noble House, Accra Ghana

THREE FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. Rome in the gladiator days
2. Garden of Eden
3. The magic land above the magic tree

THREE PEOPLE YOU’D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH
1. My Mum
2. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya
3. Donan Karan

THREE THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW
1. I’m hungry
2. I’m bleeding tired of my job
3. Do I actually think this is fun?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS
1. I would have said my family – but they are not ‘a thing’ haba!
2. My teddy bear
3. My shoes

THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG
1. Socially Incorrect
2. Unnaked
3. Boorish Male

MAKEUP 101 – Making the best of your looks (Part 1)

2007-06-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

Facial Makeup

Everyday I go out, to work, church, socials, I see women wearing the wrong makeup,slapping it on like cement, too little or too much, too dark or too light. Frankly i am tired of seeing women with two eyebrows over one eye, the natural and the drawn or black haired women with red eyebrows(red, WTF!) and today my fashionista /makeup artist side has had enough.

I am giving the sistas a quick one in capitalising on their looks. (Yes I moonlight as a makeup artist, so just in case you are getting married and need the services of a good one, now you know)

P.S forget that old wife’s tale that you look better without it… you sure look great without makeup but you can enhance your best features with makeup… else you can as well say you look better without your bra or maybe your jewellery…lol… natural eh?

I’ll start with the basics and I have written it in the order I personally think makeup should be applied.
Make up is a wide topic so this topic will be coming in three parts…
• Facial makeup
• Eye makeup
• Lip makeup & Blush

Facial makeup (concealer, foundation, and powder) was invented to make your skin look flawless. Nobody has flawless skin all the time and if you do just go ahead to the part 2 of this topic. As for the rest of us (and we at 99.99% are the majority) the list below details what facial makeup is most suitable for each skin type (now I’m assuming we all know our skin types!)
• Dry skin: Liquid or Cream
• Dry skin to normal : Liquid or Cream
• Normal to Oily: Oil-free liquid or Powder
• Oily skin: Oil-free liquid with a matte finish
• Combination skin: Liquid, Cream, or Powder (whatever balances your face)

Concealer (optional): also called cover stick is the first thing you apply to your face. I said optional because it’s for spot/blemish treatment. You can skip this and go on straight to the foundation, however, it’s a great one for hiding baggy or sunken eyes, eye circles, most blemishes (I have said most cos you shouldn’t use this to forcefully hide an angry pimple… you have to do something to pacifier an angry pimple, say the night before (a little red toothpaste, a drop of lime or something), for the concealer to hide it well).
The concealer comes in liquid bottles and tubes (which are thinner and good for drier skin), and sticks and compacts (which are thicker and good for oilier skin). Choose a concealer that is slightly lighter than your regular skin colour - the foundation that you apply over it will even it out.

Foundation: You need to invest in a good foundation. Don’t go for something you would find in a drugstore, you need to keep in mind that it is going to be covering your entire face and affect everything else you put on.
Find one that won't clog your pores and will lay evenly – the whole purpose of this endeavor is to even out your skin's tone and texture. With this kind of product, you generally get what you pay for, so it's worth it to shell out extra – foundations by Clinique, IMAN and Mary Kay, the MAC foundation, studio fix and liquid powder are tested and proven. Black Opal foundation is an affordable and dependable one too.
When picking out a foundation, please, please get the color that's closest to your own skin colour. Now if you ignore this advice, you are going to look funny and annoying! Like a female Michael Jackson or something. Test the foundation on your neck or face for a more accurate match, forget testing on your arm it won’t work.
Foundation comes in three types: liquid, cream, and powder. Make sure that your foundation is oil-based for dry skin, oil-free for oily skin, and water-based for combination skin.
When you apply foundation, cover your entire face, and don't leave mask lines - if you stop at your jawline, you'll have an obvious line between the makeup and your skin. So darlings blend, blend and blend!

Note: It is not mortar; don’t slap it on like you are plastering your wall.

Powder: Powder can be applied over foundation to help "set" it, but its main purpose is to help keep your face looking fresh as the day wears on.
Powder comes in the loose/pressed variant and you don’t have to get anything particularly expensive either (however not the dirt cheap clumpy types either)

That’s it for now, have fun and watch out for part 2!
And do get back to me on how you fare on your practice with Makeup 101 (part 1)…. I’m looking forward to hearing from you.

14 things you’ve been waiting for – YOU HAVE TO STOP NOW

2007-06-14T03:07:00.000-07:00

1. His first move.
2. The ginger martini and chocolate chip cookie diet—ain’t gonna happen.
3. A decent raise. Earn it, ask for it, get it.
4. That gorgeous shy guy to make up his mind… he has it aint you
5. A sign to tell you what to do next.
6. A cellulite cure. Let's worry about AIDS and cancer first.
7. Your ex to say he’s really sorry. Don’t worry— karma will get him in the end.
8. The bathroom to clean itself.
9. Monogamy to be easy (same goes for dieting).
10. New Year's day. Make the resolution today.
11. Your mother's approval. If you're happy, she will be too (eventually).
12. A man to change everything in your life. Change it yourself now—he’ll catch up with you later.
13. A job that will take all your problems away.
14. A perfect life … go ahead, see it as perfect already and live it like that

How to feel and look like a Prince

2007-06-06T07:59:00.000-07:00

There is a thin barely visible line in the matter of a man’s clothes which somehow determines who is attractive, separating those worth taking a good look at and those who are not.
The moment a man sits on the side of the line downwards; the attention a woman gives him is minimal and will soon be lost unless he is by some means able to convince the particular female of the need for another chance.
The men who have the understanding of this; dress accordingly and seem innately successful with women; some even go further and dress such that they give a woman cause to study her own dressing and be gratified at her efforts, wish that she had paid more attention that morning or had more at her disposal to look better.
Bottom line - it doesn’t matter where you are or what do you, being well dressed and looking good can never be something that’s too much to ask!

So this one is especially for the guys – I’m pitching in to help my peeps get that look we die for!

• Look and smell clean - Go for a shave, wear deodorant / body spray/aftershave sparingly and check under your finger nails for dirt in the morning.
• Use the pressing iron – well ironed shirts and trousers always gives you a sharp look
• Your work wear should be elegant and formal; a couple of black, grey, khaki, and brown chinos would work fine when mixed and matched with a number of formal shirts. If you prefer formality and propriety over comfort and ease then go for the traditional pleated straight cut pants. In these cuts colours like navy blue, military green look flattering.
• Avoid shirts that have prominent patterns.
• And what ever you do, don’t repeat your shirts without a wash, we will notice that dirty collar.
• Pin-stripped shirts never go out of style.
• A plain crisp well-fitted shirt worn with pants that are tailor made and customized to your body forms an uncanny combo that can counter criticism from the Vogue magazine editor.
• Both your shirt and your tie cannot be busy at once. If your shirt is busy, keep the tie plain and vice versa
• TIES can be extremely hot if you wear them right; practice your knot till it’s perfect you should untie your tie regularly to iron out the wrinkles.
• For more important meetings make use of power dressing. Wearing a full suit for a meeting can make the right first impression. Keep the time of day and season in mind before picking out one.
• Make sure that your trousers are long enough to drape comfortably over the tops of your shoes without scraping the ground.
• As a rule of thumb, pinstriped dark coloured pants will make you look taller and thinner. To flaunt a broader upper body team them with a light coloured shirt.
• A belt is one accessory that can make or break the entire ensemble. Go with the basics for work wear; let your belt and shoes match.
• However, when you're partying there are no rules. Whatever your inner devil wants is fine. Do not hold back. Retro, contemporary or vintage all look perfect if you have the queer eye for picking up stuff.
• Choose your socks carefully, white/light socks with dark pants are unforgivable
• If you anticipate taking your shoes off at any point, make sure your socks are hole-free.
• Never wear sneakers to work! If your work place allows and you are thinking of comfort, wear smart Italian loafers in a dark colour, they are just as comfy as any other pair of sneakers but stylish as hell. Walk around as much as you want.
• Do not hesitate to wear shoes with heels if you are, well vertically challenged. Well-heeled shoes will make your pants seem more well cut.
• Linen, jeans, jerseys, polo tops, hooded tops and khakis all make good casual wear
• Please, please your boxers are underwear; they should never show at your waist.
• If you are not a rock star or any such thing avoid heavy gold chains or tufts of chest hair peeking out from beneath an opened shirt.
• While still on the casual lane, I say never wear your sunglasses when the sun is not out… and never in a night club…it is after all ‘night’!
• Always dress according to the event you are attending.
• And finally, if you try something on and you have to convince yourself that you like it, just put it back. It is not meant to be.

Chinese dishes to Savor

2007-06-05T10:01:00.000-07:00

Okay guys, I’m still on the food lane…. And this time around I’m giving you a list of trusty Chinese dishes.
A lot of times when you go to a Chinese restaurant, you want to try smething new yet you are wary of a bad experience…. You don’t want to end up with something terrible or unswallowable.
A few weeks in Ghana on a project, solved this dilemma, I got to try so many dishes (I think I ate Chinese about 25 times in 3 weeks!) and have made a list of dishes you can’t go wrong with…. Much!
So if there is anything you have never eaten in the list below… dust your wallet and find a nice Chinese restaurant where you can try them…
P.S – The squid tastes much better than it sounds!

Rice Dishes
• Fried Rice and Egg (this can be found on the menu of most Chinese restaurants)
• Fried Rice with shredded beef
• Fried rice with sea food (shrimps and fish mostly)

Noodles
• Singapore noodles with sea food (soft)
• Singapore noodles with pork
• Szechuan noodles
• Stir fried noodles with Pork
• Shanghai Stir-fried Noodles With Chicken

Sauces
• Squid in Taipan sauce
• Lamb /beef in taipan sauce
• Shredded beef in green pepper and onion
• Chicken in taipan sauce
• Squid in Szechuan sauce
• Chicken in chilli pepper sauce
• Sweet and sour chicken sauce
• Mixed sea food in black bean sauce
• Octopus in black bean sauce

Dim Sum

P.S:
I have put in nothing on appetizers cos all the appetizers I tried tasted great! So go to town with the appetizers

The Chinese tea is good for clearing your palate after a tasty meal.

Bon appetit!

Rice Recipes

2007-06-05T03:36:00.000-07:00

Does everybody else eat as much rice as I do?... probably not but I’m sure a large percentage of us do especially in Nigeria.
So many ways to cook your rice, you can boil it, fry it, sauté it, steam it, bake it, colour it, spice it, barbecue it… okay I’m going too far now…lol…
So I have am doing the homework for all rice lovers like me... I’ll get rice recipes and try them and post the ones that I think taste fine here.
Ready, pots on the cooker… get cooking!

African Vegetable Rice
This particular one is pretty easy to do. I cooked mine without the celery stalks or rather replaced them with spring onions (somewhere in my brain I figured I could) and it still turned out quite fine. You can also replace the butter with vegetable oil.

Ingredients:
Serves 2-3
2 cups (milk cups) rice, washed and drained
1 1/4 pints [3 1/8 cups] water
2 teaspoons salt
2 oz. (1/4 cup) butter
1 Medium-sized onion, finely chopped
2 large tomatoes, blanched, peeled and chopped
1 large red pepper, white pith removed, seeded and finely chopped
2 celery stalks, trimmed and finely chopped
4 oz. broccoli, trimmed and chopped
4 oz. mushrooms, wiped clean and finely chopped
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Preparation:
1 Put the rice in a large saucepan. Pour over the water and add 1 1/2 teaspoons of the salt.
2 Place the pan over moderately high heat and bring the water to the boil. Cover the pan, reduce the heat to low and simmer the rice for 15 to 20 minutes or until all the liquid has been absorbed and the rice is tender. Remove the pan from the heat and set aside.
3 In a large frying-pan, melt the butter over moderate heat. When the foam subsides, add the onion and fry, stirring occasionally, for 5 to 7 minutes or until it is soft and translucent but not brown. Add the tomatoes, red pepper, celery and broccoli. Fry, stirring frequently, for 10 minutes or until the vegetables begin to soften. Add the mushrooms to the pan and fry, stirring frequently, for a further 3 minutes. Season with the remaining salt and the cayenne.
4 Add the rice to the pan and stir the mixture until it is combined. Cook, stirring frequently, for a further 10 minutes or until the mixture is thoroughly heated through.
5 Remove the pan from the heat and serve at once.

MEXICAN RICE - by Ruth Lashbrook
2 cups of rice
3 cups water
1 medium sized onion, cut into bite sized chunks
garlic, coarsely chopped (about 2 cloves)
one medium sized tomato diced
Chili powder to taste (2 teaspoons)
Vegetable oil (do not use olive oil as it will burn the rice)
Chicken broth
Preparation:
1 Add some oil to a heavy skillet over med-hi heat. The oil must be enough to coat the rice. Stir the rice evenly as it cooks in the oil. The rice will turn from clear to white to golden brown as it soaks up the oil. More oil may be needed until the right amount for your taste and method is found. It should take about 15 minutes or so. Stir gently until the rice browns. This is the most important step.
2 When the rice is nearly browned, add the onion and continue cooking. when it is done browning, add the garlic and cook it quickly, then add the water, tomato, chicken broth and the spices. When it comes to a boil lower the heat to med-low, cover, and let simmer till water is absorbed (20-40 minutes).
3 Stir to redistribute the onion and tomato, and serve warm with frijoles al la chara (pinto beans cooked with the same spices and bacon, southwestern style).
4 Garnish meal with lime juice.

Source: http://www.ricegourmet.com/Recipes.htm

Books worth reading

2007-05-26T10:23:00.000-07:00

I have compiled a list of books (novels & non-fiction) I believe are worth reading... books that make you wish you could continue after they have ended. Some of the books on this list are in agreement with the BBC Top books list, Amazon Bestsellers list and all that, while some havent made it into any of those lists- all however are worth picking up.
So get ready, don’t cringe in those shoes! And do get out your library card

The Bible (really if you have never read this, never taken a peek at this, get moving now!)
To kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee
Things fall apart – Chinue Achebe
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzegerald
The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonngut
The Railway Children
Animal Farm by George Orwell
1984 by George Orwell
Catch – 22 by Joseph Heller
The Ulysses by James Joyce
Under the Volcano by Malcolm Lowry
Come Home Baby Girl – Fannie Flagg
Green Eggs & Ham by Dr. Seuss
Lord of the Flies by William Golding
The Heart is a lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
A portrait of the Artist as a young man – James Joyce
The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Sahnger
A farewell to Arms by Ernest Hemingway
Lolita by Vladimir Nobokov
Invisible Man by Ralph Ellison
Alice in Wonderland
The Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann
Gone with the Wind by Margaret Mitchell
The Curious Incidence of the Dog in the Night time by Mark Haddon
Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
A town like Alice by Nevil Shute
Les Miserables by Victor Hugo
In His Steps: "What Would Jesus Do?" by Rev. Charles Monroe Sheldon
The Love Machine
The Concubine by Elechi Amadi
The Lord of the Rings by JRR Tolkien
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey
The Lion, The witch and The wardrobe by C.S. Lewis
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner
Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence
Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
On The Road by Jack Kerouac
The Color Purple by Alice Walker
Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
The Faraway Tree Collection by Enid Blyton
Beloved by Toni Morrison
Native Son by Richard Wright

I'll add to this list as I read more books... let me know the books you think are worth reading.... so i can read them and maybe add them to my list