This Mobile Phone Business

Whoever decided the etiquette rules for the use of mobile phones must be a sad, lonely and sadistic son of a bitch! – forgive my French.

So you have a mobile phone and suddenly there is this long list of rules you are supposed to operate your phone by or else you come across as rude, irresponsible, uncaring, insensitive, stingy, nonchalant… the list is endless…. Take this

1. If you see my missed call, you must call me back in 24 hours, 48 hours the latest otherwise I have the right to call you and ask the stupid question “didn’t you see my missed call?”
2. If I send you a text you are supposed to reply…. within 5 minutes… or 10… latest a few hours otherwise – I can call you to say “didn’t you get my text?”
3. by the way, its not a letter I put in the post, it’s a text to your phone and you cant pretend you didn’t get it, you might not know it but I stuck it with a delivery notice… and will happily tell you “but I got a delivery message na” …. I might insist I’m not a stalker… but you know I’m good at this stuff!
4. If I leave you a voicemail…. This is even worse… you are supposed to listen and then either follow the instructions in my voice mail or call me back to say you got my voicemail! Of course you got my voice mail but I still want to hear you say it…. Otherwise I can call you back to say “didn’t you get my voicemail? Yeah you are getting the hang of this already!
5. If I call you once or twice and you don’t pick your phone because you are busy, indisposed, in a train or simply up to more interesting things, I have the right to keep calling…. To keep calling till you have 11 missed calls from me, till I run down your battery…. Till I have irritated the hell out of you….and if you do eventually pick my call or call back – I can self righteously say “I have been trying to reach you now! I called you 11 times!” somebody should say “so?” or “were you dying at the time?” but if you do say that, mobile phone etiquette gives me the right to be very upset, angry and to call you one of those things I have listed above….and then tell everybody about it. This is getting really rich isn’t it?
6. Another one, if I meet you and you are polite, slightly friendly, I can ask for your number, if I do ask for your number, you have to give me! You have already made the mistake of being friendly. Etiquette says so! You can’t say you don’t have a phone, cos I already saw it, someone like me already called you 11 times! And God help you if you say “you don’t want to give me your number!” you have broken the rule and I can view you as stuck up, silly, full of s..t, nasty, unfriendly, outrightly rude…. Name it…. Its my prerogative…. Since you chose to break the rules
7. and now that I have your number, I can call you, text you, voicemail you…. Anything… and you have to apply rules 1 to 5…..seriously! I own you! My mobile phone ensures I relate with you on my terms not yours, at my convenience not yours… I am abusing you, taking advantage of you and there is not much you can do about it….. If you throw away your phone or switch it off for a few days, I and everybody else like me will panic and do worse things like bombard you with emails, facebook messages, twitter messages, hi5 and yes the new one –buzz! We might even call your family just to check if you are fine and if we are family, we will call each other, just to check if anybody has heard from this phone loosing, phone switching off weirdo.
8. Don’t even try to sneak online and offline….cos we will see you and say hello! And you must answer!

The Gown Hunt Part 4

Firstly... merry Christmas guys! hope you had a smashing time... Christmas for me was largely white and freezing cold... and full of turkey and apple crumble! okay that is not the gist of this post....

This post is in continuation of "The Gown Hunt Part 3" where i ran out of the bridal shop in California and later dreamt of an "ankara wedding gown"...see that post to get the gist

So two days before i left the US.... my friend woke up that morning and came at me with a list... she had spent the night looking for bridal shops... the really big ones... she said "Tyger we must try again" i shrugged and said "okay, lets go, but if we don't find anything its fine".... she replied indignantly that it was not!

so around 9am we set out again.... an hour's drive north of L.A.... to this massive bridal shop....

this time... the bridal consultant talked to me... for say 15 minutes... discussing the wedding and what was been planned... she was getting a feel of this Tyger girl..
then she said lets try a few gowns... and lets see how that goes...

the first gown i tried was by St Pucchi and had a 9000 dollar tag... even though i was screaming in my head... i still went ahead and tried the gown... for a 9000 dollar gown it was not alright at all... imagine a Christmas tree in white... and walking around... it was all bling and lace and damn heavy!

then i tried the second one... and then the third and then the the fourth... on the fourth one... i felt a tug inside me...heard a whisper... i ignored it... and continued... till i had tried six gowns in all...

then i picked two of the six and said i want to try these two again... the fourth one was one of the two... immediately my friend began to grin but wisely didn't say a thing! lol....

i tried this gown again... its diamond white.... not a single stone... not a single diamente... just diamond white.. with a tiny bow under the bust... then i heard it...

"hello princess, look at you! we are gonna knock him for six"

i grinned...

i had just met my gown! in all its splendour... and i felt absolutely gorgeous... its a princess design... flairs from the hips... its NOT a ball gown! thank gracious! neither is it a fitted "i'm 30 but i still got my figure damn it" gown

its a Pronovias gown from the 2010 collection... and light like a feather or souffle... and ethereal...

it cost an arm... a leg and my kidney (Baroque i told ya i could live on one kidney)...

my fiance couldnt say no when i called to let him know what i was about to do to his card.... he later said i sounded breathless... happy... he said fine get the gown!

i left that shop... high... happy as a lark...

My gown arrives in 6 months! from Barcelona Spain...

I wont be showing you pictures here loves... you will need to lobby for a wedding invite.... like the sharp Baroque has done...

Now i feel like a bride! and i'm totally ready to walk down that aisle now! imagine a gown having that kind of effect!

See you guys then!

The Gown Hunt Part 3

And then the gown hunt moves to the US.... California... Los Angeles...

Believe you me... i bought a ticket and went to the US and 50% of the reason was to check out some bridal stores...

Got in to LA over the weekend.... spent it all jetlagged.... LA is 8 hours behind london...

First thing Monday... off to the bridal stores... IBEX Bridals in downtown LA.

My friend had booked an appointment for me previously.

On arriving there, we were met by an old man standing behind the counter... he brought out 4 massive album like catalogues and told us to look through..

Turning the pages i saw something i would like to try...so i turned to him and said - how do i mark the pages?
"those markers over there" he snapped!

Ahah! what is the snapping for? you craze? no gree me vex for here oh.... i can be your bridezilla nightmare come true... what is wrong with this baba? pshew... but i didnt say anything na... make i no unleash the dragon just yet.

I took the markers and started marking the catalogue... then he came back and said "have you tried gowns anywhere?" "yes" i replied irritably "harrods london"

Come and see transformation!

Na so this guy face change! he begin dey smile... got a chair for my friend who is pregnant... and generally started trying to suck up!

i ignored him and continued my marking... we had been told 5 gowns... i must have marked like 7 or 8.... the ass didnt say anything.... he was busy fawning....

then a bridal consultant was assigned to me... nice, fun hispanic lady who made the whole experience more interesting in no time....

we went upstairs and the trying began... very quickly we whittled the gowns down to two gowns.... one an award winner 2010 gown by Maggie Sottero.... the picture no gree upload

and the other... i'm not even sure who it's from now... it was nice though...just nice....

The Maggi Sottero was even nicer... but it was massive... very massive and silent...

my friend again loved it... she was ohing and haing and the bridal consultant who was just intent on making a sale joined her... i tried to listen for the gown's voice.. over their own... nothing... nada... pshish!

Next thing the bridal consultant was dragging me out of the gown and downstairs to go and pay for the gown... i followed her mutely.... she started filling out the form... she looked up at me and the spell was broken

" i dont want that gown!" i said finally
"you dont?" she said, "it was superb!" my friend replied

"i dont want it" i went and sat on the stair case that led up to the changing room and my friend came to join me.... we talked briefly... then she went to talk to the bridal consultant... i couldnt hear them...

then we left.... i was relieved to walk out of the bridal store...away from the silent gowns that left me indifferent... nonchalant... my friend however was rather frantic...

that night i dreamt i walked down the aisle in an "ankara wedding gown"! lol

The Gown Hunt part 2

...So its 5pm and we arrive at Harrods... we roamed around a bit and then headed to the first floor bridal section.

"hello ladies, who's the bride?" a chirpy friendly lady asked.

I lost my tongue - "her" my friends replied pointing at me helpfully, I smiled gratefully staring around at a profusino of gowns.

They brought out the magazines and catalogues, I brought out my sheet of paper... I had a few ideas....

We looked through the magazines.... my friends had comments on every gown... I had none.

I kept imagining myself in each gown, standing at the altar and saying to my boo "Here I am baby, lets do it" I kept imagining all sorts.

We picked out 5 gowns for me to try and we headed to the changing room with my bridal consultant.

"Champagne anyone?" the consultant asked.

"Sure" two of us replied... we got bubblies...and the gown trying began....

see some pictures below....





I waited for these gowns to move me... one of my friends kept oohing and aahing over every gown, she wouldnt stop. I felt like slapping her, someone should have told me picking your gown is sacred, an alone moment... a no comment moment... its me and the gown.... i need to hear it whisper to me... "I'm your gown, your memory maker, lets do it babes!" But all the gowns were silent... totally silent...

I was made to walk around in them.... to stand in front of a mirror on a rotating stand... strangers had tears in their eyes ... one of them even said "she is so dry eyed! strong girl... not crying.... my friend over there is wailing" and truly a girl was wailing cos she felt so pretty in her gown... ah! wahala! native goat!

as for me .... i am busy waiting for my gown to speak to me and i aint buying until it does!

anyway... i took them all off... one after the other... we booked another appointment... but i know i'm not coming back here....
These gowns are not for me... not even the one that my friends and the bridal consultant insisted had a whao factor... it wasnt me...

The hunt continues!

The Gown Hunt part 1

I have looked at so many gowns online... everything looks either the same or just out-rightly wrong...

All the bridal shops seem to be out of town... luton... Worcestershire.. Kent... Hartford...Liverpool! am i going to travel round the world to get a gown?

then i found Pronovias and in an earlier post i promised Baroque i would exchange my kidney for a Pronovias gown... they are elegance personified!

So I decided to go try some wedding gowns at the Pronovias section at Harrods. My friend and i agreed on a date... a Saturday afternoon... ignorant bride to be that i am!

A few hours to the trip to the store, I got an epiphany and decided to call the store - and next thing i heard was "we are sorry, but you have to book an appointment and right now we are booked till January!"

what! are there so many people getting married? i thought the economy had taken a downturn! what is wrong with these people! dont i walk into Gap and Next to try jeans? pshew...

so no gown trying that sunny Saturday....I was a bit put out!

I got to work on Monday and a colleague in similar shoes said "you dont know there is a long queue at Harrods?" you have to book months ahead for a bridal fitting in most bridal shops! especially ones that stock Pronovias"

i didn't know that!... what's the big deal anyway... its just a puffy white gown by some Spaniard!

Deep down inside me i was thinking what kinda bride is Tyger? why am i treating my gown purchase like a jeans purchase?... i dont even know bridal etiquette... i moaned to my boo... he brushed it off and said ..."dont mind them, you can always get a gown later"

Men! he is missing the point....

anyway not one to miss a challenge... i started calling the Harrods Pronovias regularly... until i became a familiar spirit... sorry... voice! one afternoon they called and said we have an opening in two weeks...and we know you really want a fitting soon... its a 5pm slot though!

now you are talking! where you na put name before... i agreed to the date...

i rounded up my girlfriends and we set off for gown trying and champagne at Harrods, one dusky evening....

Wedding colours and things

Okay guys.... to the issue of wedding colours

i have chosen my wedding colours (aint telling you yet) and now i'm trying to choose my engagement colours... i.e. the colours my friends and families will wear... the colours the hall will be decorated in... my cake will probably be in... you know the drill...

so I need you guys to help....

these are my options - or the options i am interested in considering... some of them may seem weird or impossible... but they all are largely possible... if you close your eyes and try... you could imagine them...

1. mint green, fushcia pink and baby pink

2.baby pink and white

3. white and gold

4. orange and aqua blue

5. orange and champagne

6. orange and yellow

7. yellow and blue

knock yourselves out... tyger is waiting....

p.s. took the bond job... so from now i'm janet...janet bond.... doubt that i will be able to blog about the job though... not like i have blogged about my job in the past... but you know...


a fellow sent me a message on facebook... telling me how he wanted to be my sweetie... of course i didnt reply... just ignored it... regular stranger stalker and freak on facebook or something...

and a few days later he sends me a long mail... cursing me out for not responding...freakazoid! is it by force? lol

Tyger and the Wedding Planner (that she thought she wont bother with)

Okay so I am planning this wedding business and in my last post I talked about wedding planners and how I’m not going to use one… I eat my words!

Amazingly I am using one…. By force… by grace….by chance… I wont tell you what our arrangement is… but it’s a good one….

A friend of mine…. Who is a wedding planner… is planning my wedding with me… she is not just going to plan it and deliver it to me… we are doing this together.... She has become my sounding board for everything and what I find most amazing is her willingness to discuss colours and colour combos relentlessly…. I even bore myself so I don’t get the girl…

She appears to understand the things I want – she speaks in pictures…. If I have an idea, she goes looking for a picture and shows me “ Tyger is this what you want?” and I go “no not that” and she goes looking again and when she finds it, she really finds it….

So i handed over that vendor list i talked about in my last post... my long list of vendors that my girlfriends supplied me and she will be dealing with them all...

So I am using a wedding planner….and she is awesome…

At some point later on I will let you guys in on what we are up to.

For now I’m off… to talk about centre pieces and table linen and bridesmaid gowns!