I think you should know....

that...
1. You should never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.

6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.. That time is age eleven.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth, Women are from earth.. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22.Never lick a steak knife.

23. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

27. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

28. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.

29. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers..

30. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


And before you think I'm genius... i did get this from somewhere... ain't telling you where though... yeah plagiarism wharrever.. you like this stuff don't you? lol

Another list

Got this from Mrs Somebody.... and liked it

Accent: Nija


Booze: Mango juice


Chore I Hate: Washing clothes


Dogs/Cats: Dogs... forever


Essential electronics: laptop


Favourite Perfume: Pleasures by Estee Lauder, 360 degrees woman - Perry Ellis


Gold/Silver: Gold


Hometown: Osun


Insomnia: Nope!


Job title: Postgraduate Student


Kids: Not yet

Living arrangements: A room in a flat


Most admired trait: My bum


Number of sexual partners: aint telling


Overnight hospital stays: Yes.......when i was a kid and behaving like ogbanje


Phobia: blindness


Quote:"beyond the alps lies Italy"


Religion: Christianity


Siblings: 4 (1 sister, 3 brothers )


Time I usually awake: About 7 a.m these days


Unusual talent: i never forget faces


Vegetable I refuse to eat: Broccolli


Worst habit: thinking hard about too many things


X-rays: a few times


Yummy foods I make: fried noodles, egusi soup, efo riro, fried rice, barbacued fish

Zodiac sign: Taurus(yeah mad cow)

I'm tagging sagacite, afrobabe, unnaked, baroque, boorish, kokolette

My 21 words in a sentence

Now i'm putting the 21 words from my last post in a sentence

Hiya - Hiya there, how you doing?

Ijebz - my hypertech nigga... the best thing in a long time... this dude i'm trying to chance..lol

love - this mean guy has cornered me again, beating the shit outta me!

Kosoro fun e - he says this all the time

Ibadan - someone here can disown me o (but oloun maje!)

Health - that thing we refuse to improve in this country!

British Council - the office of our colonial masters who refuse to go home

Economics - the one course i think i would have walked through in college (liar!)

Policy i no know why i dey think this one...

Mumsy - ah! mami o....

money - heaps of this might help

Dupe - if dreams were horses...

School - i wanna go back here

Sex - ha! chocolate sugar pudding pie! - much ado about little

Gbagada - home!

Maryland - eldorado

Apami da ese mi da - the linking of two souls through the conjoining of arms and legs (i dey speak grammar o)

London - another lagos... hustle bustle... central london.... houghton street

Shopping - i'm a shopaholic now!

Office - one place i never miss

For Men

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like . ..Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. .Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ... Commercials.... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... .Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little w hile.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ....... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

3 Things

Unnaked soul did the 4 things version in his October 2006 blog but i am giving you my 3 things version..lol... I seem to enjoy this kinda madness... :-)


THREE JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Interior Decorator
2. Medical Microbiologist
3. Business Analyst/Consultant

THREE FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1. A healer/Magiker
2. A military general in the Roman Empire
3. A countessa - the mistress of a military general (if i can rule in front i can rule from behind the scene ... lol)

THREE MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. 300
2. The Gladiators
3. Sweet November

THREE CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN
1. Abeokuta, Nigeria
2. Ibadan, Nigeria
3. Lagos, Nigeria

THREE TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Friends
2. Sex and the city
3. I can’t think of a third one now leave me!

THREE PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO
1. Warri, Nigeria
2. London, UK
3. Accra, Ghana

THREE WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1. Google.com
2. Blogspot.com
3. Office website ofcourse – you can’t go anywhere without starting here.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. Rice (fried, jollof… chinese… wharrever!)
2. Sphagetti
3. Chips and fish

THREE THINGS YOU WON'T EAT
1. Human Meat
2. Shit
3. What can be worse than these two (okay the maggot in shit!)

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW
1. Lemon Spiced Chicken
2. Iced Coke and lime
3. Chewing Gum – I am feeling sleepy!

THREE THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A Bed
2. A dresser
3. Pink and Violet Curtains

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A deep pink rug
2. A bathroom with a Jacuzzi
3. More Clothes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Very Irresistable by Givenchy
2. Black trousers
3. A cardigan

THREE PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. On my couch at home
2. Spain
3. Noble House, Accra Ghana

THREE FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. Rome in the gladiator days
2. Garden of Eden
3. The magic land above the magic tree

THREE PEOPLE YOU’D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH
1. My Mum
2. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya
3. Donan Karan

THREE THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW
1. I’m hungry
2. I’m bleeding tired of my job
3. Do I actually think this is fun?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS
1. I would have said my family – but they are not ‘a thing’ haba!
2. My teddy bear
3. My shoes

THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG
1. Socially Incorrect
2. Unnaked
3. Boorish Male

14 things you’ve been waiting for – YOU HAVE TO STOP NOW

1. His first move.
2. The ginger martini and chocolate chip cookie diet—ain’t gonna happen.
3. A decent raise. Earn it, ask for it, get it.
4. That gorgeous shy guy to make up his mind… he has it aint you
5. A sign to tell you what to do next.
6. A cellulite cure. Let's worry about AIDS and cancer first.
7. Your ex to say he’s really sorry. Don’t worry— karma will get him in the end.
8. The bathroom to clean itself.
9. Monogamy to be easy (same goes for dieting).
10. New Year's day. Make the resolution today.
11. Your mother's approval. If you're happy, she will be too (eventually).
12. A man to change everything in your life. Change it yourself now—he’ll catch up with you later.
13. A job that will take all your problems away.
14. A perfect life … go ahead, see it as perfect already and live it like that

When the wires cross

Sometimes... once in a while, you are having a conversation and in short time you realise both of you (whoever you are discussing with) have been talking about two different things... and you immediately either try to salvage it without the other person cottoning on to the fact that you had been living on another planet (if you are like me) or you own up graciously and say...'hey i thought you were talking about something else entirely' .... either way it can be an embarrassing experience or a funny one depending on who it is... what was being discussed and how you choose to see it... but we all at one time or the other have gotten our communication wires crossed.... i found a particularly hilarious example and thought to share it with you.

The Smiths
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to...
''Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."
"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good". Did you know babies are my specialty?"
"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat"
After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"
"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."
"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus," he said.
"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well -when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.
"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"
"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."
"Tripod?"
"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted.........

Totally hilarious... Peeps what do you think of these terribly crossed conversation lines... Poor Mrs. Smith!.... how the baby photograher got everything to fit in with Mrs. Smith beats me.... not once did he mention photographs...or words like photo-shoot, or film... or something to alert Mrs. Smith... have you ever gotten your wires crossed in a crazy way?... maybe you thought someone was propositioning you who wasn't.... or something.... holla out! :-)

You in One word

I found something similar to this on a friend’s blog and I have worked it to my taste. Do respond with yours… remember you are describing yourself in just one word

Here goes for Tyger

Yourself: Weird
Your partner: Nowhere
Your hair: Colour 2
Your mother: Loving
Your father: Quiet
Your siblings: Awesome
Your favourite item: Dubi
Your dream last night: Strange
Your favourite drink: Sprite
Your dream car: BMW Jeep
Your favorite colour: Black
Your job: Crazy
Your ex: Gone
Your fear: a loony hubby
Your favourite weather: None
Your favourite book: Come home baby girl
Your favourite movie: Sweet November
Your life: Expectant
Your mood: Smooth
Your best friend: Git!
Your relationship status: Free
What you want to be in 10 years: Rich
What you're not: Boring
What you are wearing: New look
What you are currently reading: Commandos
Who you hung out with last night: God
What you're thinking about right now: Sleep
What you are doing at the moment: Typing
What is on your TV: Speaker
What the weather is like: hot
The room you are in: Crowded
The last thing you ate: Sphaghetti
The last thing you drank: Milo

50 things a Man should Do before he is 50

Hello peeps,
Before the guys think I am totally biased and this is a ‘for women by women’ (FOWBOW) blog I have thought up a list of to –dos for the brothers, and I didn’t stop at 30 or 31 but I have gone right up to 50… that grand age the best of them get to before taking a downward turn! So guys...this is for you

50 Things A Man Should Do Before He is 50
1 Date an older woman.
2 Stand up to a bully.
3 Save a life.
4 See the world.
5 Shave your head.
6 Grow a long beard.
7 Write a poem.
8 Have sex in public.
9 Sew on a button
10 Read Moby Dick.
11 Fast for a week (now this should leave you sober for years)
12 Leave something behind.
13 Assist a blind man.
14 Help a stranger (and it doesn’t have to be a tall pretty lady in skin tight jeans)
15 Cheat death.
16 Entertain the possibility that there is a heaven and a hell, and treat people accordingly.
17 Surpass your father at his greatest skill.
18 Get married (lol you would think I would forget this one…. Caught you there!)
19 Learn to sing.
20 Change diapers.
21 Do a puzzle with a five year old.
22 Tell the truth when you'd be better off lying.
23 Take the rap.
24 Design a house.
25 Take a job that involves a shovel or a hammer
26 Become a true connoisseur of just one thing, exotic lettuces, for example. This thing - enjoy it quietly, all by yourself
27 Be the most charismatic man in the room (empty rooms or rooms full of geriatrics don’t count)
28 Make a toast at a wedding.
29 Throw a punch.
30 Take a punch.
31 Change careers.
32 Make love to a woman from a foreign country (if you forget the CD you are on your own!)
33 Arm-wrestle a stranger in a bar (make it a bar not too far from an hospital)
34 Stiff a bad waiter (like you were gonna tip the good one ah!)
35 Get in touch with a long lost friend.
36 Call the person you think you've wronged the most and apologize.
37 Call up an old girlfriend (the tough one you promised yourself never to speak to again) and be sweet.
38 Break up with a woman without another in the wings.
39 Tell someone you love them. And mean it. (I'm kidding, I'm kidding!)
40 Let her drive.
41 Buy a really nice suit and pair of shoes.
42 Volunteer at a soup kitchen (wash plates, clean…. Just do something!)
43 Perfect the mixing of a killer cocktail. Make this your signature drink.
44 Commit an act of civil disobedience.
45 Sail a boat (not a paper boat in the bath tub okay!)
46 Fly a plane (I doubt anybody would let you near one)
47 Climb a mountain (or a hill if you can’t find a mountain anywhere around… and a table doesn’t count)
48 Quit an addiction
49 Hug your dad.
50 Introduce someone to God.

And finally I can never resist this extra point and I AM averse to round figures…
51 Live LARGE

30 things a Woman should DO before she is 30

Hello guys,
I'm starting off my blog with a list of to-dos for women; now this is not to mean that this is going be a blog all about women for women... i intend to make available information that would otherwise be scarce and once in a while something quicky and fun.
So for today i have a list of 30 things a woman should DO before she is 30
Ladies get ready set go!
1. Finish School (Yes, no matter how many millionaires are out there who didn’t… you should reasonably).
2. Work (you don’t actually want to seat on your bum all day and wait for good things to just come to you now do you?)
3. Save (yeah you are not allowed to spend it all) and invest
4. Live alone
5. Decide your faith (a woman should believe in something)
6. Fall in Love
7. Tell him
8. Get laid
9. Make friends with an older married woman
10. Know how to cook something… well (it will come in handy)
11. Travel outside your immediate world…( yeah outside your country)
12. Learn how to drive
13. Learn to swim
14. Borrow Money
15. Pay it back (what did you think?.. that you could run off with it?...)
16. Get a bank account
17. Use it
18. Give away something useful/important.
19. Own a pet (you don’t want to test drive with your own kid now do you?)
20. Say ‘Thank You’ (yes good manners do matter)
21. Apologise (more manners)
22. Say No! (For once in your life!)
23. Cry till you feel better (you can’t bottle up those emotions for ever you know) preferably in the rain.
24. Sing to a child
25. Confront your worst fears
26. Realise you are not your body
27. Abandon self-doubt
28. Write your own erotica
29. Learn a few choice phrases in French or Russian to use when flirting or angry.
30. Embrace change.
And finally for good luck and cos round figures are so boring…
31. Give birth to your heart’s deepest desire and develop post-natal amnesia about the pain so you can do it again and again.