A Cynical Rant

These days I think a fake “holiness” abounds around me and people are just taking it too far... infact they are taking the mickey!

I used to be a very cynical person, not a pessimist mind you; just cynical... just not that trusting and somewhat “brutally” honest. I was considered a bit too cynical for my age by a lot of people but I worked on it and got better; between 2008 and 2010 I was sure I had it right... but now I think I have lost it again.

The very cynical thing inside me is awake and very angry at all the piss taking...  and just to tell you how cynical I am...

I don’t believe a lot of the things people tell me

I don’t trust 50% of the people I know

I an indifferent to 90% of them

I think you are worse than you make out and so will make allowances for you accordingly

I am fine believing you like me less than you act or think, you are not obliged to

I am not optimistic about most things

Overly cheerfulness pisses me off and

Overly ‘religiousness’ pisses me off even more

God is not on twitter, so I don’t appreciate twitter worship...infact I hate it

If you send me a “devotional” in my inbox – that, I appreciate and get, you want to minister to me

If you tweet your worship - I think you are silly!

If you tweet a word of encouragement to Christians or you put it up on facebook - that I also get, you are encouraging your brethren

If you tweet things like - God doesn’t need your Toyota to make you total - I hate you! cos that shit you wrote is not even biblical, its rhyming and it’s a creation of PR chasing Pentecostal pastors

As a rule - I distrust all Pentecostal Pastors.

If you are a pastor who has never served in a village or worked on a mission field - YINMU at you! Please don’t talk to me; you are here for the money!

I don’t think you should read your bible at work! No I don’t and if I am your boss and you do it, I will get you fired! You are not the only one with convictions here!

I rant at God sometimes, and sometimes I whisper to Him...I cajole him...I ask rhetorical questions...then I wonder at him...then I check on him... I knock and say “are you still there?”

Sometimes I am accusing - I know you are there; your silence doesn’t even fool me... This is all between me and God... so don’t preach at me about what I choose to discuss with Him...

I am very cynical now and you might want to take note when you send out those funny messages or you say those funny things to me....don’t take offense cos I don’t believe you or shout Amen.

Some things that make my colleague angry

A colleague of mine made a list of things that really make him angry and I found the list rather interesting... so I am putting it up for folks who still come here once in a while to read and find amusing like I found it amusing.. the ones in red annoy him the most!

• Virgin broadband - They wont let him download several terabytes a month
• His landlord - He wont unblock his drain
• Honey roast ham from Marks and Spencers - Its not as good as tescos, and he should be able to try before he buys
• Banks and monetary system
• Pension schemes -"I shouldn't have to think about this at my age"
• People that dont work and making money from interest - Ie rich landlords
• People that dont know the difference between a set and a list
• The air conditioning vents behind him - they are too cold, and he will catch something.
• PES2011 - "Why did they mess up this game"
• Capitalism (sort of covered by Banks and Monetary System && rich landlords but still needs saying)
• People that should be destroyed (can't really go further than this)
• Anyone announcing Franks sandwich apart from Frank
• The bat, the table tennis ball and the table tennis table
• Dinosaurs & reptiles -"They are for losers"
• Pint Glasses from the kitchen - "Why do they smell of egg?"
• Intellectual property - "Just because you have an idea, implement and patent/copyright it, does not make it yours"
• Social Housing - "Why doesnt the government provide cheap housing that will be yours if you live in it for 30 years (Non profit housing)
• Government Spending - "Why does the government spend money on wars in Afghanistan when they can't do social housing. Turkey is a poor 3rd world country and it has better housing than UK"
• Recycling - "It's for losers. Why recycle - so human race can f**k planet earth a little longer"

This and that

The economy must be picking up or God is super good to me.... or both!
Its true that when it rains it pours! i got 2 jobs in 2 months and somehow get to do both through some juggling and persuasion
3 days here and 2 days here - project manager and health and management consultant!
things can only get better - gbam!

House hunting
A studio flat?
A one bedroom apartment?
Flatshare?
Looking around!

Like a sickly baby, my business is hiccuping
I have little time, since i have decided to work two big jobs... thief like me
now it is faltering
all spare time and weekends are spent checking out clothing factories and having meetings with pattern graders, business advisers and agents!
I am tired! and worried! and conscious that the spring fashion season is around the corner! august! oh gosh whats a girl gonna do?


The lines have fallen upon me in pleasant places...
love has decided not to beat me up in dark alleys
but to hold me, cocoon me, caress and reassure me...
Still I am a bit petrified! .... here goes my freedom.... or maybe not?
H.Samuel, Weaverbrook and all the other jewelry stores have taken on a new fascination... i stare at rings!

My dad says to me - great things come in small packages - I believe him, but my colleagues stare at me and i have heard say - is that the new lady? Isnt she rather small and young? pshew
getover your selves and leave me to do my job!

I have suddenly picked up a culture of not finishing things... of lacking motivation...

there is a list on my wall and it goes undone...words like driving tests, prince 2 exams, pattern creation, manuscript summary fly in my face... unfinished.... unattended to *sigh*
whats a girl to do?

Unmotivated, birthdays and the sometimes feelings...

Last few days I have felt unmotivated.... to do anything... at all... my business is starting to suffer and for a start up that is bad... i am ignoring mails that require any real activity... yet the days are passing by...

its my birthday on Sunday and my friends are having a party for me... at first the idea delighted me but now i just want to run away a day before to come back a day after... I am dreading my own birthday cos i know i will be besieged with calls, text messages, emails and pokes... i should be delighted right? but somehow i am just filled with dread...thank God its a Sunday... a lot of people wont be at work...

sometimes i wonder if my super duper lover will stop being super duper... will this last forever is the question on my mind!

sometimes i think i'm jealous of my friend who started a similar career at the same time i did but when i broke off to get a masters she didnt and now the job market is all crazy, she is still gliding up the ladders, easy as pie...and sometimes i'm just jealous....

sometimes i think i dont miss anybody and sometimes i miss my peeps so much it hurts and i cry... like i did a few days ago...

i think i need to win a lottery... cos i need a lot of money right now... more like yesterday...

someone should please tell Copido to come back to blogsville... where is she?

I'm getting the blues this evening again!

The Pining of a City Nymph

I wish I could be free,
That I was utterly free of care,
Of the rules and conventions that hold me captive.
I feel like the walls are closing in.
My life with phenomenal velocity is running out on me.
Like sand in an hourglass

Untamed eagle I crave your liberty
Soaring through the sky, your life without barrier
Cerulean clouds and smoky stars my silent allies
With abandon, unbound totally free

I wish I could love recklessly like I long to,
Without thought or dread
Of the retributions of the society that laid down tenets
Incomprehension and vindictiveness the rule of law
A threat to my very presence and the ties that cause my mind form
But fear holds me in

Wild horses I want to be like you.
Running through the wide expanse of open space
Clouds of rock and umber sand my only companion
With abandon, unbound totally free

I see the girl I dream to be
Laughing, running, free, Mother Nature the only control
The winds and air partners in the conspiracy
Running to that magical point
Where the blue silvery sky meets the golden hues of the water's edge
On a warm sultry night

Beautiful seals, I long for your freedom
Gliding, in and out, your might in charge of the waves
The foaming breakers my favorite cohorts
With abandon, unbound totally free

I can taste the freedom on my tongue
I reach out for it at the detriment of my existence
Yet it eludes me like a chimera.
I wish I could throw caution to the winds
With eternal freedom running, flying soaring with sheer heedlessness
Just free……………………

What do you do?

What do you do when you send your passport to the Home Office and they casually tell you 6 weeks later your passport is lost and they dont care?

what do you do when someone loves you hard, you know its a good thing... but your feelings cant just seem to catch up?

What do you do when your blog lover wont come out of hiding but chooses to torment you with sweet telephone calls?

What do you do when your friend calls you and casually mentions that she is having an extramarital affair 3 months into her marriage and its so much fun?

What do you do when you need to raise money to run your business but the credit crunch is crunching all your investors?

What do you do?

I'll be right back!

p.s. For those who were following Anansewa's story (Older woman younger man part 1,2 and 3)please check Baroque's blog, He's done a version from the younger man's point of view and its superb!

p.s. Baroque I am flattered but frightened of your plagiarising skills!

Speaking from behind a dope screen

It was a bad night...

Caffeine and a few other things not worth mentioning...

The sleep was bad ... the dream was worse...
nightmarish... all my fears came alive and spoke to me...

i was stranded on an island with my most annoying cousin

an island of muscular men - who were 3 foot tall...
and spoke a strange language... and laughed from their necks!

We all lived under the stairs...with the man that lived under the stairs!
since i was 5!

my home boy was dead... yet alive...
dying of bone racking cough...

My heart brother has a sore... in his leg...
and it is festering so badly...his toes are falling off!

My new interest forgot my name... and kept sneering at me...

I am banished to an island...

in the space between the roof and the ceiling...

dark and mysterious

and i can hear the voices...

ganjally speaking... caffeinerously thinking...

This is all blue...

I need to wake up...

I think its morning ... already!

My wish list

I saw a wish list on Unnaked's spot and i'm making one too!

I wish that my brother would get that amazing job; he is searching so hard, i'm worrying so much...

that dodo will go where he wants to go and love it while he's there...

I wish to make someone deliriously happy, make that someone laugh, smile, sleep and wake up with a smile, a spring in step, a twinkle in the eyes...

i wish that someone will try to make me feel deliriously happy and loved

that love would find me and not take me into a dark alley this time... but into a sunny warm room.

I wish that i would finish my program with amazing grades,finish my many scribblings and push them into the light of day... and then say 'there! i've gone and done it now!'

I wish i could master the languages i'm struggling with and stop saying gracie when i want to say arriverderci!

I wish i would make new friends like the ones i've had before

I wish the naira would gain more value and and our leaders more conscience

I wish they would stop fighting in the middle east - and just give the rest of us a break!

it is probably me

These days i sense a change ....
a change in the morphology of who i am....
i walk down the street and wonder if that man is I
or maybe the lady in the blue scarf

if you see a child in knee high boots, left hand in a bag of potato chips it is probably I....

Or a lady in a black autumn coat, her kinky hair in communion with the drizzling rain... it is probably I....

Maybe a fella in a fedora... pulled to cover his eyes...
or the teenager in an ivory puffer pretending to be in the depths of winter...

Hey! or that old lady... intent on getting the best of the food shelf at Marks and Spencer... whao! could that be me?

What about that lady... the cappuchino colored one with an ipod molesting her ear drums... that could be me too!

I wonder which is Me?

Some strange things

Some strange things

Girls in mini skirts riding bicycles...

Boys in skin tight jeans... sagged... showing old ugly underwear...

Dogs with human intelligence at work...

Humans with dog intelligence ... necking in the tube...

Young men... rolling weed on a london bus...

Children shedding diapers for acts of astounding violence...

2pac in a 3 year old's body....

Many strange things

20 Things i'm thankful for

1. My existence – abi if I no dey nko?... how I for do
2. The love of God for me – I no know why the guy send me so
3. Salvation – yes o… so be careful how you deal with me.. toughest homie is on my side
4. The gifts in me – I’m talented, gifted…no be me… na God
5. Testimonies and answered prayers
6. Prayers left unanswered – forget the stupid things I have asked God for!
7. For heart healing again and again
8. My mind – great, sound, slightly off center… unique
9. Good health – forget say I dey sniff… I dey okay
10. My parents
11. My awesome siblings – strange but awesome all the same
12. The people who love me – holla out to my peeps o – ijebz you no dey there o
13. The lessons life insists on teaching me
14. My nationality – Nija for eva… Solidarity for eva…
15. My childhood
16. The opportunity of an education
17. My first job
18. My body
19. The perfect opportunity I have been given to live my dreams
20. That I am who I am and not any other way!

My 21 words in a sentence

Now i'm putting the 21 words from my last post in a sentence

Hiya - Hiya there, how you doing?

Ijebz - my hypertech nigga... the best thing in a long time... this dude i'm trying to chance..lol

love - this mean guy has cornered me again, beating the shit outta me!

Kosoro fun e - he says this all the time

Ibadan - someone here can disown me o (but oloun maje!)

Health - that thing we refuse to improve in this country!

British Council - the office of our colonial masters who refuse to go home

Economics - the one course i think i would have walked through in college (liar!)

Policy i no know why i dey think this one...

Mumsy - ah! mami o....

money - heaps of this might help

Dupe - if dreams were horses...

School - i wanna go back here

Sex - ha! chocolate sugar pudding pie! - much ado about little

Gbagada - home!

Maryland - eldorado

Apami da ese mi da - the linking of two souls through the conjoining of arms and legs (i dey speak grammar o)

London - another lagos... hustle bustle... central london.... houghton street

Shopping - i'm a shopaholic now!

Office - one place i never miss

21 words in my Head

21 words that dance around in my head... they wont leave me alone or go away

Hiya

Ijebz

Love

Kosoro fun e

Ibadan

Health

British Council

Economics

Policy

Mumsy

Money

Dupe

School

Sex

Gbagada

Maryland

Apami da ese mi da

London

Shopping

Office