More Doubledecker stories

Personally i think it is high time i gave up on the buses and walked everywhere!
as i cant afford to buy a car and drive it to central london!...and forget i no fit ride bicycle in this london... do i want to die young? Nooooooooo! okay no more buses... i will walk from now on! and if you are wondering why i'm making this strange resolution half way into january... listen to tory!

Today i sat jejely in the upper deck, not my favourite front-of-the-bus-tourist seat (refer to doubledecker toaster if you are wondering) but just a good window seat where i could look down on what was available of the world.

But someone caught my eye, a young brown eyed lady... on second thoughts no be lady... woman... girl... wharrever, in a black coat, grey jeans, black socks, gold shoes, purple cardigan and red gloves! sitting across the aisle from me. Now it is not the colour clashing ensemble that I found amazing (that's pretty normal around here, e no dey shock me again) but what she was doing.

She brought out a huge compact mirror (nothing compact about it) from her blue bag and openned it in her lap, then she licked her finger and rubbed it on the side of her nose. (okay now - i thought). then she stuck the finger into her mouth again and brought out a little more wet stuff and rubbed on her cheek! ahah! this mofo dey take saliva baff inside bus?
then she repeated the action, and rubbed on her upper lip! this oloriede kept this up till i got off the bus - 7 stops later... she kept rubbing saliva over a little bit of her face one at a time... meticulously!

What is all this na! early morning like this?...dem chase you commot for house you no get chance baff?... if you wan baff you no fit buy bottled water?...

Ah ha! ito! saliva! on your face! eranko ni mofo yi (this mofo is an animal) to say i was disgusted was an understatement yet i managed to laugh uproariously before i got off the bus....

Madness!

Like i said before i no dey take double decker again!

Doubledecker toaster (part 2)

'So how is it going?' he said smiling at me. (please refer to part 1 if you are already confused).

'How is what going?' I'm thinking, so i just stare at him.

I mean your face is really familiar... do you live on Temple lane?

Ohmegod! i thought that line went out with the 90s! i looked around the bus, am i the only one hearing this?'

'No!' i now reply firmly.
'Okay then it must be the bus 344' he said nodding like a wise old man.
Osi gini?... what is all this na

i dont take the bus 344
i'm not even sure there is any such bus this side of london!..

'okay... but i'm sure i know you somehow and even if i dont i'd like to get to know you more better' he now said finishing smugly like he had just accomplished a feat.

you cant say ' more better' you cant speak English like that! now i really i'm screaming in my head.

'Say something' he prompted me, 'my name is Akeem! I'm from Nigeria!'

I so wish you would go away my mind voice says as rudely as it can

'I'm sorry, i don't want to have a conversation. i'm busy' i replied politely.

then he glanced down at my hand and saw the daily bible study.

Dear friends you would not believe what this guy did next!
' I know you are busy, but there is nothing God cannot do!, with God all things are possible'

i want to laugh! i want to laugh uproariously! but he will take it as encouragement so i turn to him with a straight face.

'No please'

'Okay can i have your phone number?' he persists

'No you cannot! i dont want to give you my number, please leave me alone!'

' i know there is nothing God cannot do , but its okay' and he shrugs and leaves.

The buses in london have become unsafe for a girl...

my doubledecker toaster

Yesterday morning i set out for school... i was running late,i've been doing this running late thing since school resumed this year. i still cant get myself back on the normal clock, so i wake up a tad late, do everything else in a rush and still miss all the right buses... i've even gone to school with my hair looking like the venue of a bloody chicken fight... this very term... bad start abi...pshew!

Anyway, i crammed some dry baguette in my mouth... swallowed coffee and ran out of my flat...dragging on my heavy jacket on the way.

As i approached the bus stop, this guy started grinning at me from afar like i was a long lost 20 pound bill!... ahah.. do i know this man?.. who be this? early momo, grinning like this?.. all the same, no biggy... some people like doing colour solidarity... but i didnt smile back o... his grin was too big for my liking...so i stuck my earphones in my ears... let Macy Gray do her thing...

The bus came less than a minute later... phew! i woulda missed it again if i had waited just a bit. i got on the bus...my favourite seat was empty... the one at the very front... on the upper deck... with all that leg space.. now Aretha Franklin is crooning in my ears.. i think today will be nice...i will get to class on time and my hair is looking peaceful...

In the spirit of my new year resolutions, i bring out my daily bible reading... make i read this thing... i have already missed so many days as the book just come from naija... and i am going to be a noice kid this year o... for all you playa haters out there...

verse for today - love your neighbours...

'Excuse me, can i seat here?' mr grinner is standing there, pointing at the seat beside me...

'sure' i nod " no follow me yarn this morning o...i never read this love your neighbour thing finish so no expect me to practice it yet. you look like a serial killer!'

i'll be right back guys...