I think you should know....

that...
1. You should never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.

6. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday.. That time is age eleven.

7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is
serious.

8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the vacation.

11. You should not confuse your career with your life.

12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

14. Men are from earth, Women are from earth.. Deal with it.

15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

16. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

18. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

20. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.

21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

22.Never lick a steak knife.

23. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.

26. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness'.

27. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

28. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be 'meetings'.

29. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers..

30. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.


And before you think I'm genius... i did get this from somewhere... ain't telling you where though... yeah plagiarism wharrever.. you like this stuff don't you? lol