Tuesday, 22 November 2011

The Swap Queens Are Making It Happen

Hello people,

Doing great? having fun? making the money?

Not hanging around for long today... just passing by and letting you know that its happening over at the FabXchange website.

These ladies have made their swapping events available online! Now you dont know to leave your home to declutter your wardrobe or get a new dress for an upcoming event. This is a fashionista's dream come true.

Just pop over to the FabXchange website and swap the stuff you dont want for something you do want and love... and even if you dont have anything to swap, they let you ask for stuff! *dont be greedy now... 

The FabXchange Online Swap is new but I'm already excited cos I'm sure its going to be totally fabulous.

Okay ladies... I'm off to declutter my wardrobe!

Thursday, 20 October 2011

A Cynical Rant

These days I think a fake “holiness” abounds around me and people are just taking it too far... infact they are taking the mickey!

I used to be a very cynical person, not a pessimist mind you; just cynical... just not that trusting and somewhat “brutally” honest. I was considered a bit too cynical for my age by a lot of people but I worked on it and got better; between 2008 and 2010 I was sure I had it right... but now I think I have lost it again.

The very cynical thing inside me is awake and very angry at all the piss taking...  and just to tell you how cynical I am...

I don’t believe a lot of the things people tell me
I don’t trust 50% of the people I know
I an indifferent to 90% of them
I think you are worse than you make out and so will make allowances for you accordingly
I am fine believing you like me less than you act or think, you are not obliged to
I am not optimistic about most things
Overly cheerfulness pisses me off and
Overly ‘religiousness’ pisses me off even more
God is not on twitter, so I don’t appreciate twitter worship...infact I hate it
If you send me a “devotional” in my inbox – that, I appreciate and get, you want to minister to me
If you tweet your worship - I think you are silly!
If you tweet a word of encouragement to Christians or you put it up on facebook - that I also get, you are encouraging your brethren
If you tweet things like - God doesn’t need your Toyota to make you total - I hate you! cos that shit you wrote is not even biblical, its rhyming and it’s a creation of PR chasing Pentecostal pastors
As a rule - I distrust all Pentecostal Pastors.
If you are a pastor who has never served in a village or worked on a mission field - YINMU at you! Please don’t talk to me; you are here for the money!

I don’t think you should read your bible at work! No I don’t and if I am your boss and you do it, I will get you fired! You are not the only one with convictions here!

I rant at God sometimes, and sometimes I whisper to Him...I cajole him...I ask rhetorical questions...then I wonder at him...then I check on him... I knock and say “are you still there?”
Sometimes I am accusing - I know you are there; your silence doesn’t even fool me... This is all between me and God... so don’t preach at me about what I choose to discuss with Him...

I am very cynical now and you might want to take note when you send out those funny messages or you say those funny things to me....don’t take offense cos I don’t believe you or shout Amen.

Saturday, 1 October 2011

419 Reasons to Like Nigerians

Happy Independence Day to Nigeria!
Excepts from the 419 reasons to like Nigeria Project by The419positive Project - I heart my country!

419 Reasons to Like Nigeria
For too long, Nigeria and Nigerians have been readily associated with the online scams, financial crime and impersonation - termed ‘419’. However, beyond the unfortunate stereotyping, there are several positive characteristics and cogent intriguing traits of the country, Nigeria and its people, some of which are highlighted below as part of the ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ campaign which enlisted 100 volunteers and bloggers to share reasons why they like Nigeria. These reasons echo the voices of Nigerians, with resonating similar themes. The campaign is being facilitated in partnership with ‘The 419Positive Project’.
The full list of ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here  (www.419Positive.org)
The list of contributors to ‘419 Reasons to Like Nigeria’ is available here
If you would like to say something positive about Nigerians and Nigeria, please do so here.

v  I like Nigeria because it is a land of endless opportunities and possibilities. Nigeria is one country I believe the world is yet to experience it true potentials. I believe Nigerians are sharp, brilliant and accommodating people. Giving the right enabling environment the world will marvel at what Nigeria will become.
v  Nigeria is the most populous black nation - and a buying one at that. From a capitalist point of view, this makes for a great investment opportunities.
v  The fact that Nigeria currently lags behind so much - in infrastructure and developmental terms - hints at the size of the potential for innovation and transformation, and at the huge number of vacancies that exist for 'transformers'. What I think this means is that the world will be hearing a lot about Nigeria and high-achieving Nigerians (in the public and private sectors) in the near future.

v  The Nigerian Green and White flag is a notable national symbol. The green color symbolises agriculture, seeing that the country is endowed with masses of arable land, while the white colour signifies unity and peace. Other national symbols include the Nigerian Coat of Arms, which depicts an eagle on a black shield, tri-sected by two wavy silver bands, and supported on either side by two chargers. The national motto underlies the coat-of -arms: "Unity and Faith, Peace and Progress." Her national symbols convey great meaning to its people.
v  The Nigerian accent is currently ranked by CNN Global Experiences as the 5th sexiest accent in the world.
v  Nigeria is home to Nollywood, one of the world's biggest film industries.

v  Something great to like about Nigeria is our cultural diversity. A strong affinity exists, despite our differences. Learning about other ethnic cultures in my country really helped me personally relate to other cultures when abroad.
v  I think the food is tastier in Nigeria than that I have found in other countries.
v  Nigerians live a communal life style.  The extended family is part of the immediate family in a Nigerian home.

v  Nigeria has produced many world class musicians. A notable mention in this regard is Fela Anikulapo Kuti. A Broadway show titled ‘FELA!’ was produced in 2009 depicting the life and times of the Afrobeat musician.
v  Nigeria’s movie industry, Nollywood, is reputedly the 3rd largest film industry after Hollywood and Bollywood, and has grown gradually into a $250 million industry in more than 10 years.
v  Nigerian indigenous musical instruments are unique, soulful and rhythmic. They comprise the popular Talking Drum, producing proverbial and storytelling sounds, the Shaker (shekere), the Udu drum, the Lute, the leg and arm Rattle, the Omele, the Ogene (Gong originating in Eastern Nigeria), the Ekwe drum and the Kakaki (A 4m metal trumpet popular in Northern Nigeria). Many of these instruments have been incorporated in South American music over the years

Thursday, 15 September 2011

18 Reasons to love Nigerians

This blogpost is borne of the "419 reasons to like Nigerians" presently being carried out by the "The419PositiveProject"

Having been invited to contribute to this initiative I found that there are so many reasons to love Nigerians; so many many reasons I do think we are some of the most lovable (and unique) people in the world - and so here's my attempt at telling you why

1.      Family is everything – both our nuclear and extended families mean the world to us and our list of cousins, uncles and aunties are endless!
2.   We love our hustle – we get educated, get jobs or get a business going on – we always have something going on
3.   Our women are born fashionistas – it just comes to us naturally... we might spend 3 hours in front of the mirror for a date but its ALWAYS worth it!
4.  We are fun loving – Friday nights are for hanging out and Saturdays are for parties and that’s the way it is
5.  We got religion and we make it work – no matter how much trouble we got, we aint confused about God
6.  We are hopeful and optimistic– no matter how down and dirty it gets, we always hold out hope “we go be alright” “we go hammer” “it is well” are some of our favourite phrases
7.   No matter how long we have lived abroad, we are always proud of where we are from, our culture our traditions
8.   We love our country with a patriotism that is amazing – it’s a case of we can talk “crap about Nigeria” but if you are not Nigerian, don’t you dare join us!
9.   We allow ourselves to be westernised without letting go of our roots – we are an amazing mix of Africa and the West
10. There is nothing as beautiful as a dark skinned brother in a traditional outfit (Guinea brocade, lace, woodin etc)
11. When we have the money, we know how to LIVE large and when there is no money we still know how to LOOK large without breaking the bank
12. Our girls are the perfect mix of akata accent, academic smarts, cafeteria cooking skills and sex on heels.
13. We are natural born lovers – I don’t know about 'if you go black you don’t go back', but I do know 'if you go Nigerian, nothing compares to it for you again'!
14. We are the least suicidal people in the world and also the happiest – our hope, our hustle, our faith, our love.... all come together to just keep us going
15. We know that our children are our future, as a family, as a people and as a nation and the average Nigerian parent will give any and everything to give their kids the best of life – we don’t need a welfare system to teach us that
16. We are grateful for everything – we don’t take life, health, anything for granted – which perhaps is why we are so happy
17. We are friendly – na overfriendly dey worry us - this is one country where strangers talk to you in buses, give you directions, offer help in outrageous situations and if you want to see us in action, set your car on fire – we are all fire fighters!
18. Finally - We have swag!we just do! 

Make friends with a Nigerian today - we rock!

If you have more reasons - please respond with them

I heart Nigerians!

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Your friends are few

A harsh truth I have been forced to learn in the short time I have been on this earth is that my friends are few... very few and it will do me good to remember.

A preacher once said at a program - go through life making as many friends as possible and as few enemies as possible.

Unfortunately I disagree with this preacher who is simply saying go through life as a people pleaser. To do this, you will pick every phone call, say yes to every favour, listen to every whine and rant, run yourself ragged to please people to make friends... you might have 1000 facebook friends, and 2000 twitter followers; but it doesn’t mean you have 3000 friends or even 1000 friends; your friends are few whether you know it or not.

If you think you have very few enemies, you are either far away from success or very deluded... infact you are merely deluded, because even if you are far away from success, you might not have a lot of enemies but your friends are still few... very few, simply because you are not successful. What do you have to offer in your lack of success? You are a potential burden, you are likely to ask for help... a lot.... and for these reasons, your friends will be few.

So you are someone who never says no to people, you are here to help! What are friends for? Yes, you will have a lot of "seeming" friends who in truth are using you, you have been marked as the “go-to” guy, the friend who will always say yes... no they are not your friends, they are your handlers and you are the mark; you will loan out or give away money, clothes, your car, your home, your CV, your time, any and everything...and they know this.

Perhaps you are someone who goes through life eyes wide open, who refuses to be used and is focused, with a plan and a destination, people will hate you for the simple fact that you are practical and true to who you are, for refusing to be used, for knowing what you want and remaining focused... refusing to be derailed. It means you will say no to those who want to come and live in your house for 6 months with their 3 children, you will say no to people who want to use your credit card for their business; it means you will say no to that huge loan that will obviously not be repaid... and for this you will be well disliked and your friends will be few.

If you are successful or on a clear path to success in some form or the other, your friends will be few and your enemies many; your so-called friends will quietly dislike you for trying to be successful or being successful. Don’t worry they will still be the first to click “like” on all your facebook pictures and to say “you look fantastic” on that picture where you have spinach between your teeth... but they will hate your guts and root for you to fall down on your face – in their heads they are saying “arrogant idiot! Is he (she) the only one? let him (her) even fall down on his (her) face, so he (she) can know what it feels like” – like you have never fallen down before... but they have forgotten... what is key now is that you are successful and or happy and that is not okay so your friends are few... very few.

This post of mine might sound brutal and cynical... even a little paranoid but in my opinion it is a truth I have been forced to learn and your nice comments and friendly follows don’t fool me.

You can choose to go through life pleasing the world, granting favours that will break your back, cost you your job or your home or your marriage or your peace of mind – it is your choice.

But keep in mind that it doesn’t matter how nice you are or how fantastic you are, your real friends will always be few and it will do you good to remember it.
If you don’t succeed - your friends will be few because you are not a success. If you do succeed - your friends will be few because you are so successful, either way - your friends will be few - even the great Julius Caesar had a Brutus close by.

Monday, 6 June 2011

Some things that make my colleague angry

A colleague of mine made a list of things that really make him angry and I found the list rather interesting... so I am putting it up for folks who still come here once in a while to read and find amusing like I found it amusing.. the ones in red annoy him the most!

  • Virgin broadband - They wont let him download several terabytes a month
  • His landlord - He wont unblock his drain
  • Honey roast ham from Marks and Spencers - Its not as good as tescos, and he should be able to try before he buys
  • Banks and monetary system
  • Pension schemes -"I shouldn't have to think about this at my age"
  • People that dont work and making money from interest - Ie rich landlords
  • People that dont know the difference between a set and a list
  • The air conditioning vents behind him - they are too cold, and he will catch something.
  • PES2011 - "Why did they mess up this game"
  • Capitalism (sort of covered by Banks and Monetary System && rich landlords but still needs saying)
  • People that should be destroyed (can't really go further than this)
  • Anyone announcing Franks sandwich apart from Frank
  • The bat, the table tennis ball and the table tennis table
  • Dinosaurs & reptiles -"They are for losers"
  • Pint Glasses from the kitchen - "Why do they smell of egg?"
  • Intellectual property - "Just because you have an idea, implement and patent/copyright it, does not make it yours"
  • Social Housing - "Why doesnt the government provide cheap housing that will be yours if you live in it for 30 years (Non profit housing)
  • Government Spending - "Why does the government spend money on wars in Afghanistan when they can't do social housing. Turkey is a poor 3rd world country and it has better housing than UK"
  • Recycling - "It's for losers. Why recycle - so human race can f**k planet earth a little longer"

Sunday, 1 May 2011

A letter to the Affluent Nigerian Parent - Part 2

Please see part 1 here

Thirdly, the influence of good money management skills on future survival or success is poorly emphasized with the affluent middle class once again failing in this regard. The lower class and their biscuit hawking children are doing much better; because God help that child who comes home with a messy account of biscuit or poff-poff sold. But the upper middle class parent gives lavish allowances to children who already have too many toys and gadgets in a bid to give these children a better life.

I began to learn money management lessons from my dad from the age of 10 when I began to receive a weekly allowance – which I was required to account for in detail at the end of every week. This built in me very strong money management skills, teaching me to have practical justifications for expenses before making them, to keep track of my spending and most importantly to save. My dad rewarded my savings by doubling every kobo I saved at the end of the term.

Am I celebrating poverty? No, I am however saying that in giving their children a better life, the affluent Nigerian parent is coddling the child to death. You might be thinking “oh I am not affluent I am only giving my child a more comfortable life and so this does not apply to me”. If there is no lesson to be learnt in the comfortable life your child is living it is too much comfort. If your child has no responsibility at all and his/her only responsibility is to “pass school exams” that child is already too comfortable.

I am not an advocate of all teenagers in Nigeria going out to work after secondary school. Why? because the economic and socio-cultural environment in Nigeria makes little allowance for this nor does it provide the right support. Presently there are more graduates than jobs in Nigeria probably 10 times as much and the jobs that would have expectedly gone to secondary school leavers looking for work experience is presently being struggled over by fresh graduates, school term internship students and OND school leavers who have to work for a year before going for their HND.
So what should the Nigerian secondary school leaver do? I say the Nigerian secondary school leaver should learn a trade in between secondary school and University.

Like I stressed at the beginning of this letter – it’s all about survival, and succeeding in a competitive world and you never know what will come in handy; which is why you should equip your child as much as you can, help your child build the strength and capabilities to win.

So learn a trade – sewing, barbing, shoe making, jewellery making, painting (art & interiors), tie and dye, hairdressing, professional baking, professional catering – let your child learn something that the child can fall back on. In addition to providing an alternative means of income, it proves to an employer that your child is “up and doing”, creative, having diverse skills, and most importantly your child is teachable.

You may wish to imitate the Affluent parents of the Western world, and send your child on a gap year to find himself/herself, but gap years are known to have their downsides. Gap years that are not spent working/volunteering have been known to be a year of trying drugs, indiscriminate sex and what not... so think well on that one.

The ability to follow through, ingeniousity, creativity, a clear mind, tenacity and sheer determination are skills your children can pick up and hone if you cocoon them a bit less. Life, being the jungle that it is, rewards the ingenious... the ones who make lemonades when lemons are thrown at them.

There is nothing wrong with giving your child opportunities, every success story had the right opportunity but still you don’t have to run around putting in a good word everywhere and pulling strings at every opportunity. Your child is like a caterpillar that needs to fight its way out of its cocoon in order to build strength in its wings and fly.

Household chores started must be finished, projects begun must be completed, please have rules and stick with them and your children will learn to follow through, being a “finisher” is a strong skill; many have failed merely for an inability to finish what they started. Allow them to fill out their own application forms (even if you have to supervise or correct it) but let them do it! Your secretary shouldn’t do their home works or draft their CVs for them.

The importance of working right should be stressed not necessarily endless hard labour; but more of working to achieve results and finding satisfaction in achieving results.

For the few who own their own firms/companies which you hope to hand over to your son or daughter, please don’t bring your children into your firm at the head of the food chain, they will never learn the basics and they will not have the respect of the staff you want to leave them with.

Sometimes it seems that many affluent parents are trying to compensate for their absence from their children’s lives, to express their love in a multitude of gifts and large allowances. A lot of these parents having lacked these things in their own growing up years seem to believe it is exactly what their children need; forgetting that it is the very lack they had that pushed them to achieve, to be the best, to seek success tenaciously.

If you are one of these love buying, affection seeking parents then I will like to inform you that a lot of well proven studies have shown that the children of the affluent are generally more cruel to their own parents and less understanding as compared to the children of the poor who watch their parents slave and strive to provide i.e. your bribery is not as appreciated as you think and a “tough love” parent is respected in future more than a cuckolding one.

Finally, integrity and a good name are two things every parent must teach their child. It is easy for the Nigerian child of today to be disillusioned and discard these values because every situation in the country screams that stealing, lying, cheating and doing everything to have money is all that counts.

My father insisted that I learn a quote as a child and this quote never left me, I will pass it on to you now and to your children.
"He who steals my purse, steals trash, it is neither his nor mine; but he who robs me of my good name robs me of that which enriches him not but makes me poor indeed”.

Good day to you