Rules of Engagement - Part 2

The rest of the rules...

9.
We still like some modern chivalry!(all that women liberation /chivalry is dead thing is not all true… right? There are just a few women out there messing it up for the rest of us who really do like to have doors held open for us). So be a gentleman - Open the door for her, find out what she wants to eat and order it for her. For example, "She'll have the savoury rice with chicken in tomato sauce."
When walking through crowds, walk slightly ahead and make the way for her.
Walk on the side of the curb when walking streetside.
All these will come together to affect the overall image of you. We don’t expect it but we so love it when we get it.

10.
While still on the ‘chivalry is not dead’ lane, Accept and pay for the bill. Obey the rule of who pays - the man. I have placed a fullstop after ‘the man’ to say basically 'no story'; don’t argue it.
You can't go dutch with a woman you fancy… never! Unless she is caught and reeled in. To hell with women's liberation; that is one gift the women left unwrapped. If you are the man, and I am sure you know how to tell, you will be footing the bill, unless otherwise arranged before the date.

11.
Don't drink too much on a date. Of course, you're nervous, but when you drink too much, you will be sloppy and say stupid things, and we don’t really want to end up with a lush or know from the first date we are gonna be loving a lush.

12.
If you are going to pay a compliment, be sincere (‘you look nice’ is no compliment it is general… ‘I like your shoes’ or ‘your hair looks good’ are both better… they are specific) and don't focus so much on the physical it might set off the alarms… you don’t have to make it so obvious where you are gunning for… brodas keep in mind that it is easy to be impressed with a man that is impressed with you.

13.
Don't talk about your ex, her ex, your mother, or your medications if you are on any. Sympathy won’t get you anywhere yet because we don’t care that much yet… on the first date.

14.
If you are going to be funny, be funny without being crude… it is an art … however, with some ladies, it might be okay… its your show…

Now let’s assume, the first date was a success –

15.
If you say you will call… please do so. If you don't, you're a liar and a jerk - expect to be treated like one. Make the call the next day or two days later, 3 days or more is bull!

16.
When you make the first call, please introduce yourself, do not expect her to automatically remember you; this call is a casual call and should not last beyond 10 minutes; you may at this time express your intent to call again later in the week with plans for a date.

17.
If you decide to do a second, third and fourth date, then note that our sisters, aunts, cousins and mothers are off-limits…. We will not totally forgive you if you go there.

18.
And our best friend is a no-no too!

Rules of Engagement - Part 1

Boorish Male drew up a rule of engagement from the guys to the girls some days back and I have waited for him, even encouraged him to write something from the sistas to the guys….
However it seems Boorish has so far been unable to get into our skins and see where it hurts…. Lol…..so I’m helping him. Unfortunately there are more rules to the ladies… we get wahala!

Note: These rules apply only to a man woman relationship, dating in any other form is not catered for by these rules, and if you choose to modify them to meet your bizarre needs, you are totally on your own

1.
Firstly, Sex changes every rule. Any form of sexual alliance may in some cases modify the rules.
2.
Every rule has an exception or two or three.
3.
Never be late for a date…. Never, ever for a first day, we will not appreciate it nor respect you for it and excuses make it worse. Call before hand if you cannot avoid being late and if you don’t show up at all don’t expect a second chance…although you might get one (we are mad that way)
4.
Dress nicely – we notice… and as nasty as this may sound it is true – we love to accessorize and show off…. and whether she'll admit it to you or not, you are an accessory. Other women will judge her on her choice. A clean, good-smelling man with well-fitting clothes is a real prize.
5.
Make conversation – there is nothing that makes it work for us more than someone who can climb on our wavelength…

6.
Remember our interests - Unless we have professed a fanatical love of sports, don't think of having the date in a sports bars where you can then watch a game over dinner and have a half hearted dinner – (ko le work!)
7.
Looking at other women in the course of a date is an offence punishable by date death… so darling, make eye contact… a lot. And smile - in a friendly way. Please don't leer…
8.
Be you. Don’t try to impress us with tales of big money, kicking someone's butt, or fast cars, we will see through you and that will put a chip in all the impression you are trying to make… even if we are impressionable by these things, don’t try so hard, if its there we will see it.

101 Things

Bang! we are in the month of July... and i'm starting off this month by telling my peeps 101 things about me (yeah yeah i dont do round figures...there has to be that extra 1 to kill the mediocrity)...
So here goes
Have fun

101 things about Me

1. I like my second name more than my first name and I'm still trying to adjust to my Christian name which I think is so un-me.
2. I like cooking and watching others eat what I have cooked
3. I eat in small portions and will rather snack on my food
4. I bore easily
5. I take a long time making up my mind then changing it is so tough, you’ll end up thinking I’m mega mean or mega tough.
6. I cried when I watched ‘Hotel Rwanda’
7. I cried when I read “The Concubine"
8. I cry when I watch movies about the holocaust (No one knows this until now... yea tell the world, whatever rocks your boat)
9. I always wish I could do things myself (I just feel no one can do it better regardless that I have to talk myself into getting it done.)
10. There is something about my body guys can’t seem to get over… irritating sometimes
11. I wish secretly to fall in love (and know while I’m in it not after my heart is broken)
12. Sometimes I love being alone in my house
13. I love chocolates & ice Cream (and I luckily have no missing teeth yet)
14. I'm somewhere between 5.5 feet and 5.6 feet but nobody believes it cos I look shorter
15. I’m short –sighted
16. I get lost in my thoughts all the time
17. I analyze everything
18. I love to see people in Love, and I love the whole idea of love, I have a LTCD (long term commitment Disorder) and it scares me … aint women supposed to want to be in it forever.
19. I have an awesome memory and say awesome all the time
20. I wake up slow and perk up as the hours fly and by 5pm I'm in full swing.
21. I forgive people easily and forget the actual crime, however, I rarely forget the pain and I’m wary after that
22. I think bearing a grudge is a whole lot of effort
23. I like to debate a lot (about everything, and I mean everything)
24. I fantasize about me on a distant beach/Island with music playing, trees swaying and my white skirt bellowing… I’m always in white in that fantasy
25. I love Denzel Washington….I think he's gorgeous
26. I love babies for about 15 minutes after meeting them then I start wondering what the hulla ballo is all about
27. I love driving fast
28. I like justifying everything
29. I plan to keep a wild cat (like a tiger) cos it reminds me of myself a lot
30. I butt- watch – strictly guys though
31. I people watch
32. I have dreams of my flying without wings…. I run powerfully for a short distance and then lift off like something from x-men especially when I'm escaping from terrible monsters - still can't figure out why they are attracted to me.
33. I knew how to drive in my dream long before I learnt how to drive. Always getting into strange cars in my dream and driving off
34. I love a guy with a great dentition (just can’t help it)
35. I don't like people interpreting stuff and saying light 2million candles and read 5billion Psalms.
36. I don't drink but sometimes I wanna smoke….
37. I love the smell of cigarettes and better still scented cigars…
38. I hate been told what to do like it’s a bloody command
39. I hate been idle… it gets me thinking loony.
40. I have some really weird thoughts…. Would never share them I think.
41. I finished reading the bible once Gen - Rev, and I got the Holy Ghost awareness … I think its fading though
42. Sometimes I have dreams and I'm blind in them and struggling to get my eyesight back (no wonder I wear glasses)
43. I’m annoyingly generous
44. Despite that, I’m so bloody self-centered
45. God! I love myself. (Yea, blow me)
46. I tend to be arrogant in a very polite way (how's that?)
47. I hate offending people by default (but don't push me)
48. I once thought Santa Claus was real.
49. I write novels, started writing when I was 9 by that time everybody was tired of listening to my never ending stories.
50. I missed been a child… it was a wunnaful experience
51. I like reading weird books about nothing especially by British authors… I think they have a quirky sense of humor
52. I like reading…. All and everything except serious stuff like political books or histories
53. Aint shy one bit
54. I love buying shoes; I've never had enough… never will
55. I used to see things when I was younger… not anymore don't know whether that's good.
56. I dream things before they happen
57. I freaked out my siblings with my dreams
58. My new hobby is blogging and blog surfing... i'm so addicted!

59. I love soppy romantic movies (yeah warrever!)
60. I think I'm going to end up with someone totally different from me!
61. I conceal my weaknesses
62. I have been accused of having eyes that promise and promise.. you looking at them now... what you think?
63. I laugh when I watch funny movies… you’re thinking who doesn’t?... you’ll be shocked.
64. I don't watch horror movies I can't see the point- why get scared over what's make belief)
65. I love dogs
66. I hate noisy and dirty environment
67. I love heights
68. I’m a sucker for confident kind men
69. I had my first kiss when I was 17 years and a few weeks and it just got me all confused and weird)
70. I’m annoyingly cynical
71. I used to chew my nails
72. I hate it when people make me act crazy towards them (stop making me hate myself…ggrrrrhhhh)
73. I had my first crush on a guy called Babatunde who left for the US shortly after we got talking
74. I hope to live in a village in Spain and write… or Rio de Janeiro
75. I love taking sugared drinks, I'm soft on sprite and currently working on my sugar intake
76. I'm genotype AA and blood group B+
77. I tried learning how to mastubate…couldn't make sense of it though
78. I was a sickly child and almost coughed myself to death
79. I was born premature about 6 weeks ahead of time
80. I love being independent (being doing that since I was 10)
81. I love dancing... now that is not synonymous with I know how to dance… so don’t go assuming
82. I can’t be bothered with politics... Seriously
83. I'm simple and at the same time complicated and few people understand me well
84. I hate been cut off in the middle of a thought process
85. I love watching cartoons
86. Financials stump me
87. I love having a good laugh
89. I laugh everyday, regardless
90. I dream of the Ideal Relationship
91. I’m so so tired of my job
92. I can't be bothered about football.
93. I love fashion
94. I’m starting my own label soon
95. I love anything trendy
96. I have colour phases; I’m in a red phase now!
97. I love paintings, I have been touched by some seemingly weird ones
98. I love dressing up
99. And Gash! do I love perfumes
100. I day dream a lot
101. I adore me!

No fear of you

Even though i agree with a friend of mine who said poems are the thoughts of a self absorbed individual for another self absorbed individual to dwell on, i still write poems... and today i'm hitting you with one of em...


I have No Fear of You

I have no fear of you, who comes without request
making a merry jest of the rich man’s bequest.
You have kept abreast of all those in their youth,
and make sure to arrest those we think are best
Whose loved ones gnash their teeth at your cruel test

I have no fear of you who takes those without quest
and tell those with pursuits, who dream of great conquest
that you will end their zest, and turn their dreams awry.
You steal across the east and fly in through the west,
Touching the lives of men, with no plans to digress

I have no fear of you who leave men in distress
and race through quiet homes, with sorrow to infest.
You raid through golden nests and leave soot in your wake,
strong hearts and minds you beat, leaving them depressed
You are heinous and strange; of this I must attest

I have no fear of you, whose name men with fear suggest
too afraid to say, for fear you might in them invest
an interest you’ll express in quick acts of response.
Response that proves fatal, like the wheels of a night express
Indeed you are full of spite, this being we all detest

I have no fear of you… death - dark king of the night
Who wears a robe of tears, mourning your vest,
You bring tightness to the chests of those in fear of you,
but now I call your name, and dare you me divest
cos I have no fear of you, I refuse to be oppressed.
Death I have no fear of you.

For Men

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like . ..Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you.
2. Men are like. .Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like .......Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like ... Commercials.... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ..Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... .Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn .... They satisfy you, but only for a little w hile.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ....... Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots . All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

MAKEUP 101 – Making the best of your looks (Part 2)

Eye Makeup

Hello Sistas,
How did your practice with part 1 go?... was it useful.. did you understand it?... do let me know how it went... so now on to Part 2
Personally I find eye makeup (eyeliner, eyeshadow, and mascara) the most fun type of makeup and I would say it is the part I’d rather not do without.

Eyeliner: Eyeliner belongs on the base of your lids, and its purpose is to enhance the size and shape of your eyes. Some people also like to line the bottom of their eyes, which really has a dramatic effect.
It comes in many different colours and forms, including pencil and powder (ideal for a "natural" look), and cake and liquid (for a more "dramatic" look). Any colour would do if pencil or powder as long as you can blend. However for the liquid and cake I’d say stick with black or brown (maybe I am conservative though).
When lining your lid with the liquid liner, you may choose to line only the upper lid, but do finish the line. Lining just half of the eye has a minimizing effect which can also be off.
Start lining from the inside of your lid and continue along the entire lash line to the outermost corner for your right eye, and start from the outside and draw the line inward for your left eye – this is if you are right handed. It is of course vice versa if you are left handed.
Extending your black liquid liner beyond the outside corner of your eyes however is a No No! It will only give you a harsh outdated look, brown liner drawn a bit past the eye is okay.

Eyeshadow: Eyeshadow goes on each entire lid and sometimes in the space between your lids and your eyebrows.
It comes in a variety of colours and also several different forms, including cream (good for dry skin), matte (good for oily skin), and pencil (good for all types of skin).
Your blusher should not double as eye –shadow (I bet I caught you there).
It's almost never a good idea to match your eye shadow colour to your eye colour it would have no effect at all; in general, colours that contrasts with eye colour work better.

Mascara: Mascara only used to be available in black, but nowadays you can find it in all sorts of colours, so while black mascara was used for the sole purpose of making your eyelashes stand out without calling attention to the fact that you have mascara on, coloured mascara is now used to make a bold statement. If you choose coloured mascara, I’d recommend that you stick to darker colours like navy blue or brown, forget sky blue, green and such, they are just too unnatural.
Mascara comes in a wand with a tube; there are straight wands, and there are curved wands however I have been unable to differentiate much in the effect offered by both shapes.
The best way to achieve thick lashes is to do several thin coats of mascara. If you experience clumping, wipe the excess mascara from your brush with a tissue.
Don’t jab your mascara into the tube so savagely…just take it nice and slow… push it in… turn it around a few times… there… you are ready to sweep your lashes!

P.S – Do have your eyebrows professional shaped (a large number of beauty salons now offer this service. You can then maintain the eyebrow yourself.

Hope to hear from you on your experiments and practice with Makeup 101 (Part 1 and 2)

3 Things

Unnaked soul did the 4 things version in his October 2006 blog but i am giving you my 3 things version..lol... I seem to enjoy this kinda madness... :-)


THREE JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Interior Decorator
2. Medical Microbiologist
3. Business Analyst/Consultant

THREE FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1. A healer/Magiker
2. A military general in the Roman Empire
3. A countessa - the mistress of a military general (if i can rule in front i can rule from behind the scene ... lol)

THREE MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. 300
2. The Gladiators
3. Sweet November

THREE CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN
1. Abeokuta, Nigeria
2. Ibadan, Nigeria
3. Lagos, Nigeria

THREE TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. Friends
2. Sex and the city
3. I can’t think of a third one now leave me!

THREE PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO
1. Warri, Nigeria
2. London, UK
3. Accra, Ghana

THREE WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1. Google.com
2. Blogspot.com
3. Office website ofcourse – you can’t go anywhere without starting here.

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. Rice (fried, jollof… chinese… wharrever!)
2. Sphagetti
3. Chips and fish

THREE THINGS YOU WON'T EAT
1. Human Meat
2. Shit
3. What can be worse than these two (okay the maggot in shit!)

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW
1. Lemon Spiced Chicken
2. Iced Coke and lime
3. Chewing Gum – I am feeling sleepy!

THREE THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A Bed
2. A dresser
3. Pink and Violet Curtains

THREE THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. A deep pink rug
2. A bathroom with a Jacuzzi
3. More Clothes

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. Very Irresistable by Givenchy
2. Black trousers
3. A cardigan

THREE PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. On my couch at home
2. Spain
3. Noble House, Accra Ghana

THREE FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. Rome in the gladiator days
2. Garden of Eden
3. The magic land above the magic tree

THREE PEOPLE YOU’D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH
1. My Mum
2. Pastor Taiwo Odukoya
3. Donan Karan

THREE THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW
1. I’m hungry
2. I’m bleeding tired of my job
3. Do I actually think this is fun?

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS
1. I would have said my family – but they are not ‘a thing’ haba!
2. My teddy bear
3. My shoes

THREE PEOPLE YOU TAG
1. Socially Incorrect
2. Unnaked
3. Boorish Male